


Hearts Out of Bounds

by CapaldiCrazy



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Long-Distance Relationship, May/December Relationship, Older Man/Younger Woman, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 77,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24933433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapaldiCrazy/pseuds/CapaldiCrazy
Summary: Clara Oswald is living abroad in Toronto, happy with her career and life, but what happens when she travels home for her best friend, Jenny's wedding?  Can she get past her initial dislike of Jenny's father, John, in order to keep the peace for her friend's wedding or does she discover something she isn't really looking for.
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor & Clara Oswin Oswald, Twelfth Doctor/Clara Oswin Oswald
Comments: 363
Kudos: 189





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Hope you are all doing well and surviving these crazy times. I've been working on this story for awhile now, but have hit some road blocks and I'm hoping that by posting it I will get some inspiration to get back into writing. So because I'm not finished this story yet (it will be finished because I do have it all mapped out, but hit a chapter that's tripping me up), I'll post once a week for now and then hopefully once a week once I get done.
> 
> As a side note, I want to dedicate this story to someone our fandom lost this winter. Chris was a huge fan of Peter Capaldi and of Whouffaldi, and also someone who encouraged my writing. It will be strange to not get her constant support on this story and I'll miss all her lovely comments, but I have no doubt she would love this one as much as she loved the others.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this start and as always I love to hear feedback in whatever form it comes :)

Clara Oswald walked through the tight aisle of the airplane, searching for her seat and praying that the flight wasn’t full. She knew she wasn’t going to be so lucky, especially since she had had nothing but bad luck since she had set foot in the airport back in Toronto. She had been bumped from her original non-stop flight to London and ended up with a connecting flight in New York; meaning her long trip was now even longer. All she wanted was to settle in and get some work done, so she wouldn’t have much to do on her vacation. She found her row and saw that the other two occupants were already there, which was great because it meant she wouldn’t have to get up again until one of them wanted out. She lifted her carry on into the overhead compartment and slid her laptop bag under the seat in front of her, so she could easily grab her computer after takeoff. She took her seat and buckled up, as she watched the rest of the passengers boarding the plane. That’s when she spotted the handsome silver fox heading her way. He was older, which was how Clara liked her men, tall, thin, and a mop of curls she could lose her hands in. He looked stylish, wearing dark denim jeans, and a black graphic t-shirt under a black blazer. As he got closer, she hoped he would be sitting close enough that she might be able to check him out more during the flight, but luck still wasn’t on her side as he sat directly in front of her. 

John Smith boarded the plane feeling exhausted and anxious to get back to London. He had only been in New York for a very short business trip and had barely enough time to adjust to the time change before he had to leave again. On top of that his training session went horribly, dealing with a bunch of pudding brains who acted as if they had never seen a computer before. All he wanted to do was settle into his seat and try to get some sleep, but he knew he was going to have a hard time since he unfortunately got stuck with an aisle seat. There was no doubt in his mind that the people beside him would likely be wanting to get out all the time as well, and he would be forced to stay awake. He was scanning the row numbers looking for his when he noticed a very pretty brunette sitting on the aisle, not that it mattered because he wasn’t interested in meeting anyone, but it didn’t stop him from noticing. As he got closer, he saw that she was sitting right behind him. 

“Good evening passengers. This is your flight crew letting you know that we will be taking off shortly. Please ensure all your belongings are stowed away for take-off. We will be doing our final cabin check in a few minutes.” 

Clara got that excited feeling in her stomach that she got every time she travelled; anxious to get going and even more excited to get home. She hadn’t been back to see her friends and family in over two years and she was really looking forward to seeing everyone, especially her Dad and Gran. Her dad had been to Toronto to see her a couple of times, but those were short trips where half his time was spent being jet lagged and the other half she had to work. At least this time she would be home for a month and be able to have a proper visit. 

The flight attendants went over the safety instructions as the plane backed out of the terminal and began taxiing to the runway. It wasn’t long before the plane was in the air and they were soaring high above the clouds. Once the seatbelt sign went out, Clara reached down and took her laptop out of her bag before placing it on the tray table in front of her. She had just powered it on when the seat in front of her moved back, making it almost impossible for her to work. She gave a heavy sigh and thought maybe she would just ask the man if he would kindly move up a bit, just to give her enough space that she could fully open her computer. 

“Excuse me,” she said as she leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Yes,” the man said as he turned in his seat, not quite looking at her. 

“I was trying to do some work here and it’s hard with your seat fully reclined. Would you mind moving it up a bit?” 

“Yes, I would mind,” he said as he turned back around. 

Clara’s jaw dropped slightly out of surprise that the man wouldn’t budge, not even just a little. She wasn’t asking him to sit fully up right, but just to adjust his seat a bit. 

“Seriously, you won’t move, not even a little?” 

“No, I paid for this seat and I can do with it what I want,” he answered without looking at her. 

What a wanker, Clara thought. He suddenly didn’t seem so attractive to her. 

“Look, I’ve got a deadline I need to meet and I could really use this time to get a lot of work done, but I can’t even open my laptop, with your seat like this.” 

“Not my problem. You may have a deadline, but I’ve been working almost non-stop on this trip and now I want to rest.” 

“Tosser,” Clara said under her breath as she leaned back. 

She put her computer away, feeling sad that she wasn’t going to be able to get any work done. She loved her job, but the one stipulation of her taking so much time off was that she had to get this one editing assignment finished in the next week. She was a junior editor at Page Turner Publishing, a job she had gotten after her internship with them. She couldn't believe her luck when she was able to land her dream job in Toronto and she was even luckier that they offered to sponsor her for permanent residency. Living in Toronto hadn’t been her plan when she started travelling around North America after university, but she was happy to call it home now. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to get any sleep so she took out the book she was currently reading, a science fiction novel called Dark Matter. 

John was annoyed with the young woman. She was clearly self-entitled and didn’t care about the needs of others. He knew he should have booked a business class ticket, but he thought he’d try and save a little money by booking economy. Even though his company had been doing well lately, he still thought it was sometimes best to operate as if it weren’t, at least when it came to his expenses. If he had sent one of his other trainers, he would have never cheapened out. He owned a small software company called Tardis, that for most of his career had been very successful in the UK, but one of his sales staff pitched it to a North American company and now his business was growing into something he had never dreamed of happening. So, he wanted to make sure the training was done properly, which is why he was on this trip. But it had been awhile and he forgot how much people really tried his patience when it came to computers. All he wanted to do was get some sleep after an exhausting couple of days in New York and the woman behind him wouldn’t let him. Who did she think she was to ask if he could move his seat up? He had every right to recline if he wanted, after all it was his seat and he could do with it as he pleased. 

A few hours had passed and Clara had managed to finish her book. She looked around and could see that most of the passengers were either sleeping or watching some kind of in-flight entertainment. There was a quiet stillness to the cabin, which was something she always enjoyed about an overnight flight. The blue flicker of light scattered about the plane was comforting to her, probably because she had always been a bit of a night owl. 

“Excuse me, but could I get out,” the older British woman next to her asked. 

Clara stood up and stepped into the aisle as the lady squeezed by. At the same time, the plane hit a pocket of turbulence and caused Clara to jolt forward and bang into the man in front of her. 

“Watch it,” he exclaimed quietly so as not to disturb the other passengers. 

“Sorry,” Clara whispered as she started to move back to her seat. 

“Oh sure,” he said almost under his breath. 

“Pardon?” 

“I have been trying to get to sleep since this flight took off and I had finally achieved that. But now, thanks to you I'm awake and not likely to fall asleep again.” 

“Look, I said I'm sorry, what more do you want.” 

The man didn’t say anything, but instead turned back in his seat, huffed, and pursed his eyebrows while he grabbed his book out of the pocket in front of him. That’s when Clara noticed for the first time the gold shiny band on his left hand. How on Earth did someone like him have a wife, she thought to herself. He seemed to be so miserable that she couldn’t imagine any woman being attracted to that kind of personality. She certainly found him less attractive than when she first noticed him at the beginning of the flight. 

John opened his book, but couldn’t concentrate on the story. This woman just kept irritating him, when all he wanted to do was have a peaceful flight and get back to the comfort of his home. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to deal with her for the rest of the flight. 

The plane touched down a few hours later and Clara smiled knowing she was finally home. All she could think about was seeing her dad and Gran and the hugs she was going to get. They slowly taxied to their gate as everyone around her was clearly getting antsy to get up and free of their cramped space. As soon as the seat belt light went out, she jumped up and carefully opened the overhead compartment, standing on her tiptoes to reach for her bag. It was times like this that she hated being so short; it was always a struggle to reach things on the high shelf. Just as she started to pull her carry-on free, she lost her balance and grabbed the seat to catch herself, causing her bag to tumble out and on to the temperamental man in front of her. 

“Oi!” He shouted, just as he caught Clara’s luggage. 

“I'm so sorry,” Clara apologized, more as a knee jerk reaction to something happening because deep down, she really wasn’t sorry at all. 

“You really should be more careful,” John replied gruffly. 

“It was an accident,” Clara spat. 

“Sure,” John huffed. “You're likely still mad that I wouldn’t put my seat up.” 

“I'm not a petty person, thank you very much. I lost my balance and my bag fell out. Perhaps if you weren’t such a miserable old man, you would have helped me when you saw me struggling.” 

John had had enough of this annoying woman. Like most young people these days she seemed completely self-entitled. He was so thankful he hadn’t raised his daughter to be that way. This woman had been nothing but rude to him and all he wanted was to get off this plane and forget this trip had even happened. 

“Can I please have my bag?” Clara asked, noticing the man was still holding it. 

“Here,” he answered as he pushed it towards her. 

John then lifted his small suitcase down and turned away from the short brunette. The crowd of people in front of him began to move and he was relieved to finally get off this tin can. 

Clara was happy to finally be away from the miserable man in front of her. He had absolutely no reason to be mad at her, especially since it was obviously an accident. Some people just had no compassion and he was clearly one of them. 

\---------- 

The next day, Clara woke up to a beautiful sunny day in north London, excited to be meeting up with her friend Jenny. The two had met in uni when they had sat next to each other in an English Lit course and quickly became fast friends who did almost everything together, which is why it had been so hard for Clara to say goodbye to her when she left to travel after they graduated. But despite the distance between them, they were still as close as ever. 

After a lovely breakfast with her dad and Gran, Clara decided to take a walk before meeting Jenny at one of their favourite cafés. She started by walking through the neighbourhood that had been her home for most of her life. Unlike most of the friends she grew up with, her dad had never moved after she left the nest. She had thought he might, especially since he would be living alone, but around the same time her Gran could no longer live on her own, and ended up moving in with her son. 

Clara walked for a couple of hours, enjoying the nearby park and then visiting some shops along the main road. It all felt so familiar, yet new at the same time. Not much had changed, but she knew she wasn’t the same person who had left here seven years ago. She hadn’t intended to stay abroad when she left, but it all just kind of worked out that way. She missed home, but she did love her life in Toronto very much. 

Clara walked into the small café and saw her friend was already there at the back. Her face lit up as she moved towards her table, where Jenny jumped up and squeezed her so hard Clara almost couldn’t breathe. 

“My god it’s so good to see you!” Jenny exclaimed. 

“You too!” Clara replied with the same level of enthusiasm. “I've missed you so much!” 

“Ditto!” Jenny replied as she let go and the two girls took a seat. 

“So are you getting excited about the big day?” Clara asked. 

Jenny’s upcoming wedding was the reason Clara had come home for an extended visit. She was going to be the maid of honour and wanted to be able to help her friend out as much as she could. 

“I am. I can’t believe it’s only a few weeks away and there’s still so much to do.” 

“Well whatever you need I’m at your beck and call.” 

“Thank you,” Jenny smiled at her. “It’ll be nice getting to spend time with you.” 

“Agreed! It’s been far too long.” 

“And how is life in Canada? Seeing anyone?” Jenny asked. 

“You don’t waste any time do you,” Clara laughed. “I told you the last time we talked there was no one and I’m okay with that. Work keeps me very busy.” 

“Well maybe we can hook you up with one of David’s friends.” 

“I’m changing the subject now.” Clara shook her head. “How are you?” 

The two girls started chatting about their lives, catching up right where they left off the last time they talked. It was nice and Clara didn’t know how much she missed this. It wasn’t long before a couple of hours had passed, neither of them even noticing. 

“So you’ll come with me for my final fitting tomorrow?” Jenny asked. 

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Clara replied. 

“Good. It'll be nice to have you there.” 

Clara could see Jenny’s eyes started to pool and she knew exactly why. She reached across the table and took her friend’s hand in hers. 

“I'm sorry I couldn’t be here earlier, Jenny. I know it’s been hard to plan this wedding without your mum.” 

Jenny had lost her mum to cancer two years ago, and it was a wound that Clara was all too familiar with, having lost her mum when she was in high school. 

“It’s fine,” Jenny replied as she dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “I’ve been pretty good at holding it together.” 

“Still, I'm sorry I wasn’t able to make it home for her funeral.” 

“Don’t apologise for that. I understood completely. I had you to talk to and that was good enough. None of my other friends know what this feels like.” 

“Well, enough of this talk. Only happy thoughts from here on out.” 

“Agreed.” Jenny nodded. “I'm so glad you’re here Clara.” 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” Clara smiled at Jenny. 

“Good. What are you doing for dinner?” Jenny asked. 

“No plan, really. Why?” 

“I'm meeting David and my dad at the restaurant we want to have the rehearsal dinner at; thought we might check out the menu. Why don't you come? You’ll finally get to meet my dad.” 

“I don't want to intrude.” 

“You're not! Please?” Jenny begged. 

“Fine. As long as you’re sure.” 

“Positive!” Jenny exclaimed as she stood. “Oh I’m so glad you’re going to get to spend some time with David and me.” 

Clara had only met David once, but she usually talked to Jenny on video chats and occasionally David would be there and join in on their conversations. Even though they hadn’t really hung out much, Clara felt like she knew him from the talks they had had. The two girls left the café and made their way over to Camden, the area where the wedding was going to be held. When they got to the restaurant, Jenny smiled and waved to her fiance standing outside. 

“Hello,” David said, cheerily, as the two girls got closer. 

“Hi honey,” Jenny said as she gave him a quick kiss and then pointed to Clara. “You remember Clara.” 

“Of course,” he said as he hugged her, catching her off guard. 

“So good to see you again.” She answered. 

Jenny had met David a few years ago at another friend’s wedding and wasn’t able to shut up about him when she called Clara to tell her about this great guy she had met, which told her that her friend had likely met the man she was going to marry. It was clear they were a perfect fit and Clara couldn’t be any happier for Jenny. 

“I thought Dad was coming with you?” Jenny questioned as she looked around. 

“He texted me and said he was running late. He should be here soon.” 

“Your dad lives in London now?” Clara asked. 

“He does. Moved here about six months ago. He decided to move his business down here to be closer to me and David. There really wasn’t much sense in him staying in Glasgow by himself.” 

“You must be happy to have him here.” 

“I am. He’s been a huge help with planning the wedding, more than I ever thought he would be.” 

Jenny was originally from Scotland and had moved to London for school. Clara had never met Jenny’s parents and was sad that she never got to meet Jenny’s mum, but was now looking forward to meeting Jenny’s dad. The three entered the restaurant and got a table while they waited for the older man to arrive. They had just placed an order for drinks when Jenny looked towards the entrance and smiled as she stood up. 

“I’m so sorry sweetheart. I’m feeling a bit jet lagged and had a slow start to my day.” 

Clara turned to see Jenny hugging her dad and suddenly got a sinking feeling in her stomach. 

“That’s okay, Dad. I want you to meet my dearest friend and maid of honour, Clara.” 

Jenny’s dad looked down and Clara couldn’t believe her best friend’s dad was the angry man from her flight. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the warm welcome back and enthusiasm about this new story. Hope you like the next chapter!

John stared at the small brunette woman, so shocked to be seeing her again, that he had barely registered what his daughter had said. 

“Clara,” Jenny said bring him out of his thoughts. “This is my dad, John.” 

Clara didn’t move, unsure if she should let it be known she had met him earlier or not. They glared at each other for a moment until John’s expression softened and he extended a hand towards her. 

“Nice to meet you,” he replied sounding very businesslike. 

“Likewise,” she answered with the same tone while shaking his hand. 

John took the empty seat between David and Jenny, making things even more awkward for Clara as she now had to stare at him from across the table. 

“So, Dad, how was your trip?” Jenny asked. 

“It was fine,” he answered as he looked at the drink menu. “Just had a horrible flight home.” 

Clara knew that was a jab at her and wasn’t about to let that stand. 

“Yeah, flying can be the worst,” Clara added, being sure to look right at him. “People always seem to be cranky and miserable.” 

John looked over his menu at her, and thought she had some nerve. 

“And annoying,” he responded, looking back down again. 

The waiter came by with the drinks and took John’s order just as Jenny’s mobile rang. She glanced at it before she answered. 

“Oh David, we should take this. Sorry,” she said as the couple got up from the table. “We’ll be right back.” 

Clara sipped her soda water as she had a stare down with John. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife and she knew one of them had to call a truce for the sake of her friend. 

“Look, we clearly got off on the wrong foot during our flight, but I think we can both agree that we need to be civil for Jenny and David.” 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew she was right. 

“Fine. This whole wedding is already hard enough with her mother not being here, she doesn’t need to know how you treated me on the flight.” 

“How I treated you!?” Clara couldn’t believe she had once thought this jerk was attractive. Not that that mattered because he was Jenny’s dad, but still; his personality was a huge turn off. “What about how you treated me?” 

John sighed heavily, feeling completely exasperated that he still had to deal with this woman, long after he thought he would never see her again. He still hadn’t had a proper night's sleep and it was going to take him at least a couple of days to regulate his schedule. 

“I’m not going to continue arguing with you,” he stated just as the waiter delivered his pint. “After the next three weeks I never have to see you again, so I can keep it civil until then.” 

“Fine by me. I can’t imagine we’ll have to deal with each other very much anyway.” 

Jenny and David walked back in and looked between Clara and John, perhaps picking up on the air of anger that was still lingering. 

“Sorry about that, but we had some things to discuss with the caterers. Clara, when you get married, pick a venue that has on site catering. You’ll save yourself a lot of headaches,” Jenny advised her. 

“Well I would need to find a boyfriend first, so no need to start planning my wedding,” she smiled at her friend. 

John smirked, thinking that of course she didn’t have a partner. No one could be with someone as annoying and self-righteous as her. 

“But wait until you see the venue. It’s the perfect spot,” David added. 

The couple continued to tell Clara all about where they would be exchanging vows and she had to admit it did sound really lovely. They had chosen a small church not far from where they were right now that had a separate hall for the reception. David was especially excited because of its proximity to Abbey Road and as a huge fan of the Beatles, he couldn’t wait to recreate their famous crosswalk photo. 

Once their meals had arrived, Jenny insisted on trying a bit of each, just to confirm that the food would be good enough for them to hold their rehearsal dinner there. Throughout most of the meal, John was silent, only speaking when Jenny asked him questions and not elaborating to carry the conversation on further. Once their meal was finished, the waiter came by and set their bill down on the table. Both John and David moved to take their wallets out of their back pockets while Clara reached for her purse. 

“Put your wallet away, David. I'm getting this,” John said as he stretched his arm out to take the bill, but David snatched it up quicker. 

“No. You've already paid for so much of the wedding; I'm not letting you pay for this too.” 

John glared at him then finally quietly agreed. 

“David, please let me pay my share,” Clara added. 

“No. No one is paying for this but me,” he replied as he laid a credit card down. “If you want you can get me a pint some time while you’re home. I imagine we’ll be seeing a lot of you.” 

“I'm hardly letting her out of my sight,” Jenny said. “In fact, I was hoping you would agree to spend the night with me before the wedding. David’s going to be at the flat, but I'm going to stay at Dad’s and I want my best friend there with me.” 

John was finishing the last swig of his beer when he nearly choked at hearing Jenny invite Clara to stay at his house. He had been hoping for a nice father/daughter night and now he was going to have to share her with this woman he couldn’t stand. 

“That’s okay, isn’t it? Jenny asked, clearly noticing his reaction. 

“Of course, sweetheart, whatever you want.” He couldn’t deny her anything. 

“So, what do you say Clara?” Jenny asked. 

The last thing Clara wanted was to spend the night at John’s house, but there was no way she could say no to Jenny. 

“Sounds fun,” Clara smiled at her. 

“Great! Oh the next couple of weeks are going to be so much fun!” Jenny enthusiastically exclaimed. 

David paid the bill and the four left the restaurant, Jenny taking Clara by the arm and walking out ahead of her dad and fiancé. Once they were outside, John was very anxious to leave. 

“Thanks for dinner David,” he said as he shook his future son-in-law's hand and then turned to hug Jenny. “I'll see you tomorrow morning.” 

“Yeah, Clara and I will meet you outside the shop, okay?” 

“Uh, yeah, that’s fine,” he stammered trying not to show his annoyance of Clara intruding. 

He said his final goodbyes, without acknowledging Clara, and walked off towards the closest tube station. Jenny watched him leave, clearly curious about her dad’s strange behaviour. 

“I'm sorry,” she said as she looked at Clara. “I think he’s likely feeling tired from his trip. He’s not normally that standoffish.” 

“It’s fine,” Clara answered, knowing full well what his problem was. 

“Well maybe he’ll be in a better mood tomorrow. So, we’ll meet at 9 for breakfast?” 

“You bet,” Clara answered. “I can’t wait to see your dress.” 

“That makes two of us,” David added. 

The group said their goodbyes and walked together to the tube station. Clara was really excited to spend more time with her friend, but she was dreading having to see Jenny’s dad again. He was such an unpleasant person, who just made her feel incredibly ill at ease. She knew she shouldn’t let him get to her, but there weren’t many people that she didn’t like her and it was very rare that she didn’t get along with someone. She needed to figure out how to deal with this for the next three weeks because she didn’t want to spend her entire time with Jenny feeling uncomfortable. 

\-------- 

Clara had slept in the next day, still feeling tired from the time difference, and had to cancel breakfast with Jenny, but instead told her she would meet her outside the shop at half ten. She quickly got ready, throwing on a pair of jeans, a Bowie graphic tee, and her red Chuck Taylor high-tops, before she ran out the door to head to the tube. She promised her dad she would be home for dinner and it felt a little like being a teenager again; a feeling that comforted her very much. She got to the shop ten minutes early and decided to wait outside on a bench out front. She had just taken out her phone when she saw that someone was standing in front of her blocking the sun. 

“Where’s Jenny?” John asked, looking down at her. 

“Hello to you too,” Clara replied as she looked up. John just frowned at her, not saying anything. “I was running late so we agreed to meet here.” 

“Great,” he sighed. 

Clara was really getting irritated by his attitude. Why was he having such a hard time leaving the past in the past? 

“Look, can you at least pretend that the mere sight of me doesn’t make you want to scream? I’m not crazy about you either, but at least I’m willing to try for Jenny.” 

“Fine,” he said as he sat down at the other end of the bench looking angrily into the distance. 

“You know she caught on to your attitude last night, so maybe lose the scowl. Unless you just naturally look cross all the time.” 

“Do you think maybe we could just sit here in silence, while we wait for Jenny?” 

“Fine by me,” Clara said as she went back to looking at her phone. 

“How exactly did my daughter become friends with you?” John blurted out about thirty seconds later. 

“I thought we weren’t talking?” Clara asked, confused by his question. 

“I was just curious as to how you met?” 

Clara looked at him, perplexed that he didn’t know, surely Jenny had mentioned her before now. 

“She never told you?” 

“She may have, but I don’t remember,” he answered gruffly. 

Clara eyed him suspiciously. “We met at school.” 

John stared off into the distance, trying to remember if Jenny had in fact ever mentioned Clara to him before. He was sure she had, but he had always relied on River to keep him informed about Jenny’s life, especially when his daughter was younger. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, but more that he had been so busy building his business that he had worked a lot of long hours back then. However, River had always made sure he never missed anything important, and now that she was gone he was doing his best, but times like this aggravated him because it was a reminder of how much he still missed his wife. 

“Right,” he said, making it seem that he had remembered. 

Clara looked at him and then back to her phone. She could tell he didn’t really remember, but decided not to push it further as she saw Jenny approaching in the distance. 

“Hey guys,” the cheery blonde said as she got closer. “You two getting to know each other better?” 

“You could say that,” Clara said as both she and John stood at the same time to greet the petite girl. 

“Yeah,” John replied quietly, trying his best to make it seem that he was okay. 

“Well good, because I was worried after last night that you didn’t like Clara,” Jenny replied to her dad. 

He gave a nervous laugh before he answered. “I just met the girl, why on Earth wouldn’t I like her? I was just tired, was all. Now come on, let’s see this dress of yours.” 

The three entered the shop and Jenny was immediately taken into a change room, leaving John and Clara alone once again. John took out his phone to check his emails and Clara wandered around, looking at some nearby dresses; both doing their best to avoid one another and to make it seem that they were busy. Luckily, it wasn’t too long before Jenny stepped out into the waiting area wearing a beautiful cream coloured dress. 

“What do you think?” She asked as she turned around. 

“My god, Jenny! You look amazing!” Clara exclaimed, shocked at seeing her friend in a wedding dress. “I love this dress.” 

It was strapless, with a beaded lace bodice and a chiffon flowing A-line skirt. The style suited Jenny perfectly and topped with her blonde waves, she looked almost angelic. 

Jenny looked at her dad and Clara realized he hadn’t said anything yet. He was just standing there staring at her, looking like he was about to cry. It was the first time Clara had seen his features soften and she couldn’t help but think how handsome he looked when he was scowling. 

“Dad, what do you think?” 

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” he replied as he tried to control his emotions. “You look like your mum on the day I married her.” 

Jenny smiled, and Clara could see she looked like she was about to tear up, but she took a few breaths to stop herself. John on the other hand was dabbing at his eyes. Clara noticed a box of tissues on a near by table and grabbed them as the shop keeper was telling Jenny what to do with the dress until the big day. Clara offered the box to John, who took one and quietly said thanks. 

John had tried to prepare himself for seeing his baby girl in a wedding dress, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. She had always looked like her mother, but it wasn’t until that moment that John saw just how much. He was immediately transported to his own wedding day and how he felt when he saw River walking down the aisle. He turned away from the girls to dab his eyes with the tissue Clara gave him, surprised by her thoughtful gesture. 

“So you think David’s going to love it?” Jenny asked as she looked at herself in the full-length mirror. 

“He’ll love it, but I think he would love anything you were wearing even if it were a potato sack,” Clara responded. 

“That’s true,” Jenny giggled. 

The shopkeeper took Jenny back into the change rooms to help get her out of the dress and Clara looked over to see John staring at his phone again. She wanted to say something to him, but she didn’t know what. She knew it must have been emotional for him, but she felt like she was probably the last person he wanted to hear from. Luckily her phone rang, so she was able to excuse herself to answer it and by the time she came back in Jenny was dressed and standing with her dad at the counter as he was paying for the final payment on her dress. 

“Sorry about that,” Clara said. 

“No problem,” Jenny replied. “So do you want to grab lunch?” 

“I wish I could, but that was work. My deadline’s been moved up by a day, which means I really need to go home and work. Rain-check?” 

“Sure,” Jenny replied disappointed, but understanding. 

John overheard the girls and remembered that Clara had said she had a deadline to meet when they were on the flight. He suddenly felt bad that he hadn’t moved his seat up to let her work. Jenny had seemed very happy and excited since Clara had come home, and now she seemed a little sad that she couldn’t spend the afternoon with her friend. Maybe he needed to ease up on his attitude with her, after all, if Jenny cared for her as much as it seemed, she must not be all that bad. 

“Thanks for coming,” Jenny said as they all stepped outside. 

“No problem. I’m sorry I can’t go for lunch, but once I get this edit done, I’m all yours.” 

“I’m holding you to that,” Jenny said as she hugged her friend goodbye. 

She looked at John, unsure what to say, so she just extended a hand. “Nice to see you again Mr. Smith.” 

“You as well,” he replied as he took her hand. “And please, call me John.” 

He smiled at her for the first time and Clara wasn’t sure if he was just pretending to be nice or if he was actually starting to soften to her. Nonetheless, Clara couldn’t help but like the nicer version more than the one she had met on the plane. 


	3. Chapter 3

The first couple of weeks of Clara’s vacation flew by like nothing. She had been able to meet her deadline with a day to spare and had spent the rest of her time splitting it between seeing Jenny and spending time with her family. She went over to David’s and Jenny’s flat quite a bit, hanging out mostly, and often ending up at the local pub. Clara hadn’t realized how much she missed going to the local, something she hadn’t been able to find in Toronto, but once she went back, she would definitely try and find one. She had gotten to know David a lot better, along with his best friend Steve, who she was sure her friends were trying to set her up with, but Clara really wasn’t interested in his pretty boy looks. He was a nice enough guy, and she thought he might be interested in her, but she just didn’t want to date anyone right now and especially not a bloke from London. She wasn’t in to doing the long-distance thing and she wasn’t ready to come back to the UK. 

“Tell me again how many of these things you need,” Clara asked as she tied another ribbon around a little plum coloured mesh bag. 

The wedding was five days away and Jenny was starting to freak out about the little details that were left to do. Preparing the little take home gift for the guests was something she had put off and had now enlisted the help of as many people as possible to get it done. 

“A hundred of the plum and a hundred of the silver,” Jenny answered as she was filling one of the bags with different chocolates. 

“Okay, and who else is coming to help?” 

“David should be here soon with Steve and I think my dad was going to come over too.” 

Clara hadn’t seen Jenny’s dad since the day they were in the dress shop, when it had seemed he might have been getting past his annoyance with her. She hoped that was the case because she really hated having someone not like her and it was silly for him to be holding on to the stuff from the plane for this long. 

A buzzing sound was heard and Jenny jumped up to answer it. 

“Hello,” she said. 

“Hey,” the voice replied. 

“Come on up.” 

Jenny walked over to her door and unlocked it then went into the kitchen to check on the lasagna she was making for dinner. Clara continued tying ribbon around the bags Jenny had already filled when the door opened and John walked through. 

“Oh, hello,” he said, surprised to see Clara and sounding neither happy or angry. 

“Hi,” she said, with a slight smile, wanting to be friendly. 

“Hey Dad,” Jenny said as she came out of the kitchen and hugged him. “I'm just working on dinner, but Clara can show you what we’re doing.” 

She left and John looked at Clara, who was sitting on the couch. The last time he had seen her he had still been very annoyed, tired, and angry, but now that some time had passed, he wasn’t feeling that way. And in fact, he had realized he was being rude and should likely apologize to her. He walked over and took a seat at the other end of the couch. 

“Listen, uhm, about the flight,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry for the way that I treated you.” 

He was running his hand through his curls and looking down at the table, so Clara could tell that it was likely difficult for him to do this. 

“Thanks,” she said. “I just want to put the whole thing behind us.” 

“Agreed,” he added, and finally looked at her. “Were you able to make your deadline?” 

“I was.” 

“Good, so what is it that you do?” he asked, changing the subject. 

“I'm a junior editor for a publishing house.” 

“That sounds interesting. You must love reading.” 

“Yeah, it’s kind of an important part of the job.” She smiled at him. 

She had a very nice smile and John found himself returning the gesture. 

“I guess it would be.” He wasn’t sure where to take their conversation, so he thought he’d find out what it was he was supposed to be doing. “So, what exactly is all this.” 

“This is wedding favour hell,” she replied as she waved an arm out towards the coffee table. 

“Hey,” Jenny exclaimed as she walked out of the kitchen. “I take offence to that.” 

“So sorry,” Clara smiled at her friend. “But one person’s heaven can be another’s hell.” 

“She does kind of have a point, dear,” John added. “It looks like a tulle factory exploded in here.” 

“Okay, less talk, more work,” Jenny said as she snapped her fingers at them, while smiling. 

The three of them got into a rhythm to help make the task go faster, Jenny filling the bags, John attaching the label, and Clara tying the ribbon to close the bags. They had about fifty done by the time David and Steve showed up, at which point Jenny decided to check on dinner, halting production. 

“John, this is my best friend and best man, Steve. Steve this is Jenny’s dad,” David said as he introduced the two men. 

“Nice to meet you, sir,” Steve said as he shook John’s hand. 

“You as well.” 

“So you guys have been busy,” Steve remarked as he sat on the couch between John and Clara. 

“That’s us, busy little wedding worker bees,” Clara remarked as she stood up to stretch. 

“I give a pretty mean shoulder rub, if you want,” Steve offered. 

“Thanks, but I'm good.” 

Clara wondered if maybe she should tell Steve that she was only interested in being friends and nothing more. It wasn’t fair for him to keep pursuing her, if he wasn’t actually going to get anywhere. She knew now wasn’t the time, but she would wait until she could be more discreet. 

“I'm going to go give Jenny a hand,” she said as she walked out. 

“So how’s it going with Steve?” Jenny asked when Clara entered the kitchen. 

“Jenny, I told you I'm not interested in dating anyone right now, especially someone from here. I’ve tried long distance and it never works.” 

“Maybe you were trying with the wrong guy,” David remarked as he was pouring a can of beer into a glass. “Steve’s a really great guy.” 

“I don’t doubt that, but he’s really not my type.” 

“How can he not be your type? Even I can see he’s a handsome man.” David remarked. 

“Oh come on, Clara. You can’t possibly still be interested in older men,” Jenny stated. 

“What’s so wrong with that?” Clara replied defensively. 

“Older men?” David questioned, as he finished pouring another beer. 

“Yeah, Clara dated an older bloke in uni.” 

“How much older?” The couple were now talking as if Clara wasn’t in the room with them. 

“Fifteen years, I think,” Jenny answered. 

“Maybe you should fix her up with your dad then,” David said and chuckled. 

“David!” Both women exclaimed at the same time. 

“What?! I’m just saying, you want Clara to stay in London, so why not fix her up with him then she can become part of the family,” he joked. 

“That’s not funny,” Jenny said, clearly angry with him. 

“Yeah, David, that’s not something to joke about,” Clara added. 

“Sorry,” he said as he grabbed the beers. “I didn’t mean anything by it, just thought it would be funny.” 

“Well it wouldn’t be,” Jenny said. “No offence, Clara, but the thought of you dating my dad gives me the heebie-jeebies.” 

“None taken. That would be incredibly weird.” 

David walked out of the kitchen, leaving the two girls alone. 

“I’m sorry about him. I was telling him that I wished my dad would start dating again and I think he just took it to a whole other level.” 

“You’d actually be okay with him dating?” Clara asked. 

“Sure. It’s been a couple of years and he’s only fifty-four. It’d be different if he were like eighty when mum died, but he’s got a lot of life left to live. I don’t want him to be alone.” 

“Do you think he wants to find someone?” 

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. I just want him to be happy and I see that he hasn’t been since mum died.” 

“I understand that. I want the same for my dad, now. It took me over five years before I felt that way, so kudos to you for being open to the idea.” 

“Thanks, I’m okay with it, as long as I like the person he’s going to be with. I don’t know how I would feel if he started dating someone younger than me.” 

“Yeah that would be strange for sure.” 

“Anyway, let’s get this dinner on the table so we can get those favours finished,” Jenny said, as she handed some plates to Clara. 

The small group gathered around the dining room table to eat the delicious meal Jenny had made as payment for their help. The girls’ conversation was fresh in Clara’s mind and she couldn’t help but pay closer attention to John; the way he hardly ever said anything, and the distant look he would sometimes get, almost as if he were remembering something, and it was all very clear to her that he was sad. She had to imagine that his only daughter getting married was likely playing on his emotions, as well, and this was likely a difficult time for him. She suddenly felt herself feeling sorry for him and for some strange reason, wanting him to be happy. Maybe because it meant a lot to Jenny. 

“So Jenny said that your business is expanding into North America,” Clara asked him, trying to engage him in conversation while David, Steve, and Jenny were discussing football; something she had never been interested in. 

“Yes, it wasn’t something I had planned, but it just kind of happened,” he answered. 

“You don’t sound very excited about it,” Clara noted. 

“It’s just hard because it means I need to travel abroad more.” 

“You don’t like to travel?” 

“No, I love to travel, but visiting places for work isn’t a vacation. I never have time to explore the way I would like to. Case in point, my trip to New York. I was there for two nights and spent most of that time stuck in an office building.” 

“Yeah, I would hate that,” she said. “I can’t stay put when I’m visiting a new city.” 

“You’ve traveled a lot?” John asked. 

“A bit,” she answered. “I left after uni, trying to find myself, I guess. I traveled around most of the US before I ended up in Canada.” 

“And you like it there?” 

“I do, very much actually.” Clara smiled thinking about how much she really did love her life in Toronto. 

John noticed her smile again. There was something about it that just made her face light up and made her big brown eyes even bigger. 

“Alright, now that you’ve all been fed, it’s time to get to work,” Jenny said, ending the small talk Clara was trying to engage John in. 

“John, does she get this bossy nature from you or her mum?” David asked. 

“Definitely her mum.” He gave a sad smile, remembering how bossy River could be, but was one of the qualities he loved about her. 

Clara noticed that Jenny got a look on her face and excused herself to clear some dishes to the kitchen. 

“Shite, I shouldn’t have asked that,” David said as he went to get up and follow Jenny. 

“It’s okay, I'll go,” John said as he moved to get up, but Clara put her hand on his arm to stop him. 

“Both of you stay. I've got this.” 

Clara saw Jenny standing by the sink, her posture slightly slumped. Clara approached her and lightly laid her hand on her shoulder. 

“I don’t know what overcame me,” Jenny said. 

“It doesn’t matter what it was, you just have to allow yourself that moment. I still have days where I cry because I miss my mum. It’s natural and for you even more so now. No one thinks differently of you.” 

“I know, I just wish she were here.” 

“Have you thought of a way to incorporate her into the wedding?” Clara asked. 

“Not really.” 

“Well, I think you and I should come up with a way to make her a part of this.” 

“I’d like that,” Jenny said as she grabbed a tissue to wipe her nose. 

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” John said as he entered the kitchen. 

“I’m fine, Dad. Nothing to worry about,” Jenny threw her tissue away and then moved towards the doorway. “Let’s just get to work.” 

She left the kitchen, leaving Clara and John alone. 

“Is she okay?” John asked Clara, concerned. 

“She’s fine, just really missing her mum.” 

“What can I do?” 

“I don’t think there’s much more you can do. She’s told me that you’ve really helped a lot with the planning, which she was pleased about. It’s natural that she’s going to be feeling this way. Jenny had been planning her wedding in her head for years and I’m sure that with all of those thoughts her mum was always going to be by her side. Occasionally, she’s going to be reminded that she’s not and I think tonight is one of those times.” 

John sighed, feeling slightly helpless. He hated seeing his daughter hurting and wanted to make it as easy as possible for her. He knew River would have been having so much fun with Jenny right now and it wasn’t fair that both the women he loved were robbed of that. He was suddenly very grateful that Jenny had a friend who knew what she was going through. 

“You’re right. Thanks for being here for her.” 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” Clara smiled at him and John smiled back. 

“Whoa,” Clara said. “Is that a smile? Watch out, I may just start to think you’re a nice guy,” Clara razzed him, trying to relieve the tension. 

“Well we can’t have that can we,” John said as scowled at her, going along with her teasing. 

“That’s better,” she replied as she chuckled and walked out of the kitchen. 

John laughed, thinking that he couldn’t have been more wrong about Clara. She was a kind hearted woman who loved his daughter very much and he couldn’t have been more thankful for that. The more he was talking to her tonight, the more he was really feeling bad for the way he treated her earlier and even though he had apologized, he felt like he needed to do more. What that more was, he had no idea, but he would think of something. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely feed back! It warms my heart to know you guys are enjoying this story.

“I'm really glad you suggested a spa day today,” Jenny said as she looked at her nails. 

“I’ve been known to have a good idea from time to time,” Clara replied. “So what’s next?” 

The girls had spent the morning getting massages, facials, and manicures, and were now just finishing lunch at a café not far from Jenny’s dad’s house, where Clara had met Jenny earlier to drop off her bag and dress. 

“Well, I wanted to take some flowers to my mum’s grave. Would you come with me?” 

“Absolutely.” 

Clara could see that it was going to be hard for Jenny to do and it was definitely something she shouldn’t do alone. The two walked back to John's house, stopping to pick up a small bouquet of yellow carnations, which were Jenny’s mum’s favourite. When they walked in the door, Jenny was surprised to see her dad's satchel at the front door. 

“Dad?” She yelled to find out where he was in the house. 

There was no answer. 

“I swear, I have no idea why he insisted on buying a house when he moved to London. It’s just him. A nice flat would have been enough.” Jenny said to Clara. “Dad?” 

John appeared at the top of the stairs. 

“What’s with all the yelling? I heard you the first time, but I was in the loo.” 

“Sorry,” Jenny said. “I just thought maybe your hearing might be going, old man.” 

“Ha ha ha. You think you’re so funny, don’t you? What are you guys doing here anyway? I thought it was a spa day.” He came down the stairs and gave Jenny a hug. 

“It was a spa morning, but I came back to get your car before going to the cemetery. Clara and I are taking some flowers to Mum.” 

“That’s a nice idea. Is it okay if I come with you?” 

“Of course,” Jenny answered. “I just need to run to the loo.” 

Jenny walked down the hall, leaving Clara and her dad alone. Clara wasn’t sure why she suddenly felt nervous around him, but she had little butterflies floating around in her stomach. 

“Uhm, if you’re going with Jenny, I could stay behind,” Clara suggested, apprehensively, thinking she would be a third wheel. 

“Nonsense,” he answered. “Jenny wants you there and I want what Jenny wants.” 

“I just don’t want to intrude.” 

“You’re not,” he answered. 

John walked out of the room, leaving Clara standing by herself near the front door. He was such an odd man, she thought. Most people would excuse themselves, but with him it felt like he didn’t know how to behave around people. She took a moment to glance around the living room, noticing that it didn’t look very lived in. There was a big flat screen TV in the corner, and wooden chest as a coffee table in front of a grey sofa. In the other corner of the room were some book shelves and a small seating area with a couple of chairs and a love seat. She couldn’t help but notice that the book cases were actually filled with books, which she found not a lot of people actually did these days. The avid reader in her, longed to see what kind of literature he might be into, but the last thing she wanted to do was appear to be nosey, especially in John’s home. There were some pictures hanging on the walls and a couple of plants near the front window, which made the space feel warm and cozy. She looked at one of the pictures that was sitting on a nearby table and couldn’t help but smile at the happy family. It was Jenny with her parents, in what looked to be a park. Jenny looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, and John's greying hair wasn’t quite as grey as it was now. Both Jenny and her mum were smiling at the camera, but John was smiling and kissing his wife’s cheek. You could tell from this picture just how much he loved her. 

“Where did Dad go?” Jenny asked as she came back in, taking Clara’s attention away from the photo. 

“Kitchen,” Clara responded. “This is a great shot.” 

“Yeah, I love that picture. Mum always insisted we get family portraits taken every year.” 

Jenny got a distant look, probably thinking about those happy times. 

“Your mum was very beautiful,” Clara said, trying to bring her friend back to the present. 

“She is,” John said as he entered, carrying his wallet, keys and shades. 

The man that Clara was looking at now, looked like such a different one from the man in the photo, and it had nothing to do with age. He was broken-hearted and he very clearly carried his sadness with him all the time. 

“You two ready?” He asked. 

“Yep,” Jenny replied as she grabbed the flowers, she had set down earlier. 

The little group drove the not too far distance to the cemetery, no one really talking except for the occasional comment about the traffic. When they arrived, John parked and everyone got out of the car. Clara wasn’t sure where they were going so, she just lagged behind as the father and daughter walked on ahead. As a child, cemeteries always freaked Clara out, and then as a teen she hated them. She hated that that was the place where her mum was buried, the place that she associated with so much sadness. But over the years her opinion changed and she now saw it as a place of peace, a place of solitude, which is something that can be hard to come by these days. A cemetery could be in the middle of a city, but it would still be a quiet place, that she had learned while she was traveling. This one was no different. 

Clara stood back as she watched Jenny and her dad approach one of the simple grave stones towards the back of the small cemetery. Jenny laid the flowers on top of the stone then stepped back to stand next to her dad, who wrapped an arm around her shoulder. 

“You know she’s always with you sweetheart.” John said as he stared forward. 

“I know. I just wish she could have been here for all of this.” 

Clara heard Jenny’s voice crack and she knew her friend was trying not to cry. She moved towards the pair and laid a hand on Jenny’s back to let her know she was there. Jenny turned and looked at her with sorrow and eyes glistening with tears about to spill over. 

“Today you can have tears of sadness, but tomorrow only happy tears will be allowed. Let it out if you need to,” Clara said. 

Jenny smiled at her and then turned into her dad, who wrapped both his arms around her and let her cry into his chest. He locked eyes with Clara, who was now shedding her own tears, and mouthed a thank you to her. Clara could tell that he too was trying to fight back his own mournfulness, trying to be strong for his daughter. He struck her as the kind of man that would likely hold it together in public, but then once he was alone, would shed the tears he’d been holding back. 

Clara glanced down at the grave and noticed the name River Song Smith along with her birth and death dates written on one side of the stone and John’s name on the other, but without the dates. What a surreal thing it must be to look at the place you will one day be buried. It’s strange because her mum’s grave was the same, but she hadn’t really thought about it before. 

“Okay,” Jenny said as she let go of her dad and took a deep breath. “You’re right, Clara. Mum wouldn’t want me to be so sad right now. I'm marrying a great man tomorrow and that needs to be celebrated.” 

She took a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose. 

“That’s right. Focus on the wonderful life the two of you are going to have together,” Clara replied as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue as well. 

“You know the day you brought David home to meet us, she told me you were going to marry him. I told her she was wrong,” John said as he smiled at Jenny. “I'm sure she’s smiling down at us now saying, I told you so.” 

“And she would love rubbing it in your face that she was right,” Jenny laughed. 

“That she would.” 

\-------- 

After the cemetery, the rest of the day went by pretty quickly. The rehearsal was pretty straightforward since it was such a small bridal party, but the dinner was a bit bigger with some aunts and uncles from both sides of the family. Clara was feeling a bit tired from all the events of the day and decided to step outside to get a breath of fresh air and some quiet. She hadn’t been out there long, before Steve had come outside too. 

“Nice night, isn’t it,” he said as he came and stood next to Clara. 

“It is,” she replied. 

“So, have you enjoyed your time at home?” he asked, making small talk. 

“I have, thank you.” 

Clara wanted to be polite to him since they still needed to get through the wedding, but she was getting tired of him being like a lost little puppy dog and always hanging around her. 

“Any plans to come home again soon?” 

“Not immediately, no.” 

“Well maybe we can keep in touch after all of this?” 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” she responded trying to be as aloof as possible. 

“Great,” he smiled at her, clearly not picking up on her unsure tone. “I'm going to head back in. You coming?” 

“Go on ahead. I'll be there in a bit.” 

Steve turned towards the door. 

“Oh hey Mr. Smith,” Clara heard him say and she turned to see John holding the door open. 

“Hey Steve,” he replied as the younger man passed by him. 

John came and stood near Clara, but not as close as Steve had been. 

“When are you going to put that young man out of his misery?” He asked Clara. 

“After the wedding. I was really hoping he would pick up on my hints that I'm not interested, but sadly he’s not.” 

“And why aren’t you interested? He’s a good-looking young man.” John asked, not really sure why he was asking her about her dating life. 

“Because I'm interested in a little more than youth and looks,” Clara answered sounding a bit annoyed that yet another person was trying to push her into a relationship. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. It’s really none of my business,” he replied, sensing her tone. 

“No it’s fine. I'm sorry. I’ve just been getting a lot of pressure from my family and friends to meet someone and I'm really not interested right now.” 

“I understand that,” he replied. “Jenny hasn’t said anything, but I have the feeling she wants me to meet someone.” 

Clara didn’t want to tell him he was right because it was definitely not her place to say anything, but she agreed with Jenny that he had a lot of life left to live and he should be living it. Instead she decided to simply agree with him in an effort to maintain the peace. 

“You’re not ready?” She asked. 

John didn’t say anything at first, instead just stared forward and then gave a heavy sigh. “I don’t think I’ll ever meet another woman who can compare to River.” 

“I don’t think it’s about meeting someone to compare to her. It’s about meeting someone that makes you happy, someone who you want to bring joy to. You’ll never meet another River, but perhaps there’s someone else out there that might make you just as happy.” 

John looked at her surprised that someone so young had so much wisdom. 

“Perhaps,” he said. “Should we go back in?” 

“Yeah,” Clara said, as the pair turned to head back into the restaurant. 

It was clear that John didn’t want to talk about this and for that matter neither did Clara. She didn’t feel entirely comfortable giving Jenny’s dad love advice, especially after they had gotten off on such a rocky start. 

\--------- 

Later that night, Clara found herself lying in bed next to Jenny wide awake. They had returned from the party and Clara made her friend go to bed immediately, insisting that she needed to get lots of sleep so she would look her best for tomorrow. Jenny agreed and after some girl talk, fell fast asleep, but Clara wasn’t as lucky. She decided that maybe she needed some water and got up to head to the kitchen. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she saw that the light was still on and John was sitting at the island with a piece of paper in front of him and a pen in his hand that he was tapping almost rhythmically on the counter. He turned when he heard her enter the room, startled to see her. 

“Sorry,” Clara said. “I just wanted to get a glass of water.” 

“Sure,” he answered. “Glasses are in the top cupboard, last door on the left.” 

He stared back down at the blank piece of paper, as Clara poured herself some water from a container in the fridge and then walked over to stand opposite John at the island. 

“What are you doing?” She asked. 

“Trying to write my speech, but having a lot of trouble with it,” he sighed, the frustration very evident. 

“Do you want a hand? I am an editor, after all.” 

John looked up at her, surprised by her offer, but grateful for it. He had thought about asking her earlier when they were outside at the restaurant, but he wasn’t sure how she would feel about it. 

“Do you mind?” 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I did,” she smiled at him and then walked around to sit next to him. “Why don’t we start by making some bullet points of the things you want to say.” 

She took the pen from him and started jotting down the ideas that John was giving her and before she knew it, they had a rather long list of thoughts. She tore the page out of the note book and started to write the opening line of John’s speech, but then remembered that this needed to be his voice and not hers, so she laid the pen down and pushed it back to him. 

“You write,” she said. “This needs to come from you.” 

John picked up the pen and looked at the notes she had written. It was a good idea because now he had a much clearer idea of what he wanted to say and where to start, which meant once he put the pen to the paper the words started flowing. After about twenty minutes of scribbling he looked up and saw Clara was still sitting there, watching him write, which he thought was odd, but he was grateful she stayed to look it over. He handed the paper back to her and she started to read, jotting down a few notes as she went. 

“This is really lovely,” she said as she passed it back to him. “Just a few changes, but other than that, I think you will definitely make Jenny very happy with these words.” 

“Thanks,” he answered as he glanced down at the paper again. 

“You’re welcome,” Clara said as she stood and pushed the stool back into the counter. “I’m glad I could help.” 

“You’ve been a very big help,” he smiled at her, and Clara felt a tiny flutter in her stomach. “I’m very glad Jenny has a friend like you.” 

Clara wasn’t sure why her stomach did that, but she felt it every time she saw him smile, which thankfully wasn’t very often. 

“Well I’m very glad to have a friend like her,” she said in return. 

There was an awkward pause between them, both unsure of what to say next, so Clara decided it was best to head back to bed. They all had a very busy day ahead of them. 

“Don’t stay up too late,” she said to him as she started to walk out of the kitchen. “We need to make sure the father of the bride doesn’t fall asleep while he’s walking her down the aisle.” 

For a moment John had a flash of River; knowing that she would have said something very similar to him right now. It was comforting, but sad at the same time. 

“I won’t,” he said as he looked back at his speech. “Sleep well, Clara.” 

Clara just smiled and made her way back upstairs, happy to have helped him. He really was a nice man and not at all like the man she had seen on the airplane. She was almost sad that she wouldn’t see him any more once she went back to Toronto, but that was a thought she needed to push out of her mind; very, very far out of her mind. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what these two get up to at the wedding!

“Clara! Wake up!” Jenny shrilled with the excitement of a five-year-old on Christmas morning. 

Clara very slowly opened her eyes to see Jenny beaming down at her. Jenny had always been a morning person, which Clara was not and the brunette suddenly found herself feeling sorry for David if he wasn’t the same as his bride. Clara pushed herself to sit up, wiping sleep out of her eyes while she glanced at the bedside clock. 

“Jenny, it’s only seven,” Clara groaned then flopped back down on the bed. She was still feeling really tired, since she had only gotten to sleep just after one. 

“I know, but I'm getting married today!” 

“I know, but not for another eight hours. Can I just have a few more minutes?” 

“Fine, I'll go shower, but when I'm done your butt is getting out of that bed.” 

Jenny left and Clara managed to drift back to sleep, but was woken up a few minutes later by the smell of coffee. She slowly blinked her eyes open and threw back the covers as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Her nose led her down the stairs towards the aroma she loved most and the liquid that got her going every morning. She walked into the kitchen and was greeted with a similar sight to what she had seen the night before, but this time John was reading the paper with a steaming mug in front of him. 

“Coffee?” She asked, standing near the entrance. 

John looked at her and chuckled at her disheveled appearance; her hair slightly messy, and a crease line from her pillow down the side of her face. Her eyes were barely open and he knew that she was likely a lot like himself, not a morning person. 

“Help yourself. It’s in the pot over there.” 

John watched her walk towards the cupboard with the dishes, pull out a mug and then pour herself a cup of coffee. She wrapped both hands around it, bringing it up towards her nose first, where she inhaled the scent as if it were bringing life back into her body, then carefully took a sip. 

“Not a morning person, are you?” he asked, laying his paper down on the counter. 

“That obvious, is it?” 

“Very much so.” 

Clara took another drink, this time bigger than the last. 

“I'm not usually this bad, but I was woken up by a very excited bride.” 

“Ahh, yes. Where is she now? 

“In the shower, which if she’s anything like she was in uni, I imagine she’ll be awhile.” 

“I don’t think she’s changed,” he replied. “You’re welcome to use mine, if you don’t want to wait.” 

“No that’s okay,” Clara answered, thinking it would be strange to use his own personal bathroom. “I can wait. Gives me time to get more coffee into my veins. Thank you though.” 

“Well in that case, do you want a section of the paper?” 

“Sure,” she responded as she took the seat next to him and he slid the other sections across the counter towards her. 

The two sat quietly, reading and drinking their coffee, almost unaware of the other until John made a scoffing noise at something he had just read. 

“Not enjoying the news?” Clara asked. 

“No, it’s just this idiot at number 10. Wants to put more taxes on businesses, regardless of the size. I’m already taxed a ridiculous amount of money and now they want more.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Clara replied. She didn’t really follow politics much, but she imagined as a business owner he would be more interested in it. 

“Oh, whatever,” he said with a sigh and he closed the paper and laid it down on the counter. “No sense in worrying about that now. We have a wedding to get ready for.” 

“Very true.” 

“Would you like some breakfast?” John asked. “I make pretty good pancakes or an omelet.” 

“Maybe we should let Jenny decide what she wants,” Clara suggested. 

“Let me decide what,” the woman in question asked as she entered the kitchen. 

“What you want for breakfast. Omelet or pancakes?” Clara asked. 

“As much as I love Dad’s pancakes, I think an omelet would be better. I have a dress I need to fit into.” 

“Omelet it is then,” John said as he got up and walked towards the fridge. “But you’re depriving Clara of the best pancakes she would have ever tasted.” 

“Well that’s too bad for her, isn’t it?” Jenny said, as she poured herself a cup of coffee and smiled at her dad. 

“Guess another time then,” John said as he took the eggs and vegetables out of the fridge. 

“You plan on making Clara breakfast again?” Jenny teased him, not letting his unintentional implication slide. 

“What?” John questioned, not aware of what he had said and Jenny laughed. 

“You implied you’d have a chance to make her breakfast again,” she chuckled. 

“That’s not what I meant,” John said, annoyed with his daughter. 

“Alright, that’s my cue to go have a shower,” Clara said as she stood up. “This conversation just got weird.” 

She suddenly had an image of John making her breakfast and that was a thought she needed to get out of her head. She had thought he was attractive before she knew who he was and it would seem that the more time she was spending with him, getting to know him, that thought was slowly creeping back in. And that was a thought she absolutely could not have. 

\--------- 

After breakfast, the girls went to the hair salon to get their hair and make-up done. Clara was very happy that Jenny said she could do her hair whatever way she wanted because she just wanted something simple and not a crazy kind of up do with loads of hairspray and a thousand bobby pins. She opted for soft waves, with one side pinned back with a few tiny flowers. It was elegant but not over the top. Jenny had decided on something similar to go with her dress, but instead of one side, she had both pinned back and a tiara affixed to the top of her head with a veil that flowed down her back. Once they had their make-up done it was time to head back to John’s and get into their dresses, as it was now only a couple of hours until the wedding. When they walked in the door, they were greeted by a very exited brunette, who looked to be younger than John, but not a lot younger. 

“Ooooh look at you!” She exclaimed as she pulled Jenny into a hug. 

“Careful Aunt Sara,” Jenny said as she hugged her back. 

“Sorry. I just can’t get over how grown up you look.” 

“I’m a 31-year-old woman. I would hope I look grown up.” 

“Oh you, you know what I mean. Sassy just like your mum.” 

“I learned from the best,” Jenny responded. “Aunt Sara, this is my best friend Clara. Clara this is my dad’s sister.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Clara said as she extended a hand to the older woman. 

“Oh none of that dear,” Sara said as she pulled Clara in for a hug. “Any friend of Jenny’s is family in my books.” 

The hug caught Clara off guard, but she returned it, happy to be welcomed. 

“Thanks,” Clara said as she pulled back. “Did you just arrive from Scotland?” 

“I did. I wish I could have been here sooner, but sadly; work wouldn’t let me get away.” 

“I’m just happy you’re here,” Jenny said. 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else. It’s not every day my favourite niece gets married.” 

“I’m you’re only niece,” Jenny replied. 

“Sara, leave the girls alone. They need to finish getting ready,” John said as he entered the room looking the same as he did when the two girls had left earlier. 

“They aren’t the only ones!” Sara exclaimed. “Look at you. You haven’t even showered yet.” 

“I’m a man. I don’t need that much time to get ready.” 

“You may not need that much time to shower and get dressed, but you’re going to need time to figure out your bow tie.” Jenny added. 

“Yeah and whose idea was it that I wear one.” 

“Blame David, not me. It was his decision what the men wore,” Jenny retorted as she walked toward the stairs. “Now excuse us, but we need to get dressed.” 

A half hour later, Clara came out of the guest room, dressed and mostly ready to go. She was just giving Jenny a moment to talk to David on the phone before she helped her friend into her dress. As she was heading down the hall, she heard John muttering from what she assumed was his bedroom. She stepped up to his open doorway and saw that he too was mostly ready, except for the battle he was having with his bow tie. 

“Having issues?” she asked. 

John looked over to see Clara smiling at him, leaning against his door frame. He was taken off guard at first because he had no idea she was there, but then he noticed how she looked. Her beauty did not go unnoticed by him; she was stunning in a deep purple strapless floor length flowing gown. The way his heart fluttered caught him completely off guard, but he very quickly pushed that feeling away as he remembered her age and the fact that she was his daughter’s best friend. 

“It’s this damn tie,” he grumbled, as he turned back towards the mirror. 

“Do you want a hand?” She offered. “I actually know how to tie one of those things.” 

“Why on Earth would you know how to tie a bow tie?” 

“I used to date a guy that wore them all the time. He taught me how,” she answered as she stepped inside his room and walked towards him. 

John turned as she approached and took control of his tie. Now that she was standing so close to him, he could smell the faint scent of vanilla and he wasn’t sure if it was her perfume or her hair. What the hell was coming over him? He needed to stop these thoughts and he needed to stop them now. 

“What kind of pudding brain would wear a bow tie all the time?” he asked, trying to take his mind off of the woman who was standing so close to him he could feel her warm breath tickle his neck. 

“An eccentric one,” she answered. “Which is why it didn’t end up working out between us. I was too structured for his liking.” 

Clara was trying not to notice how nice John smelt as she twisted and turned the fabric of his tie between her fingers. It was a sweet, but earthy scent and it was drawing her in. God, why did Jenny’s dad have to be the exact type of man she would typically go for? Life was very cruel sometimes. She needed to get this tie tied fast so she wouldn’t be this close to him and focus on pushing the thoughts out of her mind. 

“His loss,” John whispered the words before he could stop them from leaving his mouth. 

Clara looked up at him and gave him a sly grin. A few weeks ago, he couldn’t stand the sight of her and now he’s telling her men are missing out by breaking up with her. She really shouldn’t read into that comment, he probably would have said the same thing to Jenny when she went through a break up. 

“Yes it was,” she answered and she pulled at the ends of the tie and straightened it before she stood back to admire it. “There, all done.” 

John turned to look in the mirror and saw that she had done a perfect job, far better than he ever could have. 

“Thank you,” he said as he looked at her through the reflection of the mirror. 

“You’re welcome,” she answered. 

“John...” Sara appeared in his doorway, but stopped when she saw Clara was in his room. 

“Uhm, I’m going to go help Jenny get into her dress,” Clara said as she suddenly felt uncomfortable being in John’s bedroom. “Don’t touch that tie.” 

John watched her walk out and then turned back to the mirror to do a final check of his hair, pretending to ignore his sister. 

“I came to see if you needed help with your tie, but I assume Clara helped you.” Sara said as she entered. 

“She did.” 

“She seems like a very lovely girl,” Sara said as she stood next to her brother facing the mirror. 

“I guess. I don’t really know her.” 

“Right,” Sara said with a tone that said she thought she knew more than she wanted to say. “You look very handsome, by the way.” 

“Thanks, but no one will notice when they see Jenny,” he answered as he tried to tame a couple of loose curls. 

“Well not likely, it is her day after all.” Sara picked a piece of lint off of his shoulder. “How are you doing, by the way?” 

“I’m fine, why?” 

“Just thought this would be a difficult day for you. Giving your only daughter away and River not being here; a lot of emotions.” 

“Yeah, well there’s nothing I can do to change any of that, can I?” He turned to look at his sister. “I’m very happy for both Jenny and David and that’s what I’m focusing on.” 

The doorbell rang and John was very thankful for the interruption. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his feelings, knowing that he had to be strong for Jenny and today was a day of happiness. It didn’t matter that he was missing River more than ever, and all he wanted was for her to be here. 

Clara returned to the guest room and saw that Jenny was already in her dress and standing in front of the mirror looking at herself. Clara was taken by just how beautiful her friend looked; she was simply angelic. 

“You look amazing,” Clara said. 

“Thanks,” Jenny smiled at her. “You do too. You’re going to have no problem picking up tonight.” 

“I’m not picking up at your wedding, so no worry of that.” 

“Come on, you don’t want to find some hot stud to have a farewell shag before you head back to Toronto?” 

“No! And for the love of god will you stop trying to set me up.” 

“Fine.” 

They heard the door bell and knew it must have been the florist dropping off the bouquets. 

“Oooh the flowers!” Jenny exclaimed and walked towards the bedroom door. 

Clara followed behind her careful to not step on the small train of Jenny’s dress. Once they got to the bottom of the stairs, Clara slipped in front of the bride in order to get to the door before her. 

“You wait right there. I’ll get it.” 

Clara opened the door and greeted the delivery woman, thanking her for the flowers and then closing the door to see John and Sara at the top of the stairs staring down at Jenny. She could tell that John was even more taken aback then he was the day in the bridal shop and she knew this was likely a very strange day for him. 

“Wow, sweetheart, you look beautiful.” 

“Thanks Dad,” Jenny beamed up at him. “You clean up pretty good mister. And you even got the tie right!” 

“Yeah, well that was all Clara’s doing,” he said as he started to come down the stairs. 

“Oh, right, Matt used to wear them all the time,” Jenny said in reference to Clara’s ex from uni. 

Clara set the box she was holding down on the nearby coffee table and took the two bouquets and John’s boutonniere out in order to get a better look at them. Jenny picked hers up and turned it around to see the picture of her mum attached to the ribbon wrapped around the stems. It was an idea that Clara had come up with after reading about it on the Internet and Jenny loved the thought of being able to carry her mum with her down the aisle. She took it over to show John, who smiled sadly at it and told her it was a lovely idea. Sara stepped over to take a look and John took the moment to step into the kitchen, which didn’t go unnoticed by Clara. 

The rest of the time flew by once the photographer arrived, who took pictures of everyone putting the final touches on getting ready and some lovely shots of Jenny and her dad. Clara stood back and watched as the woman snapped pictures of Jenny pinning the boutonniere on John’s lapel, who then bent down and carefully kissed his daughter on the cheek. It was a touching moment, one of no doubt many for the rest of the day. Once they were finished everyone made their way outside where John drove them all over to the church, including Jenny’s aunt who would be staying at John’s that night. 

“I'll go check and see if everyone is ready,” Clara said as she made her way towards the church, leaving Jenny with her dad around the back so no latecomers would see her. 

John was grateful to have the brief moment with his daughter and wondered if Clara did it on purpose. He looked down at his beautiful little girl and had never felt prouder of the woman she had become. He and River had raised a wonderful woman and he had no doubt that she and David would have just as wonderful a life as he and River had had. 

“Excited, dear?” He asked. 

“So much, Dad,” she smiled up at him. “I just love David more than anything and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.” 

“You know as the first man that loved you, that hurts a little,” he teased her. 

“Well I have to love you, it’s in my genes.” She teased him back. “But you’ll always be my number one, just don’t tell David.” 

“It'll be our little secret.” 

“Okay, everyone’s ready, if you two are?” Clara stated as she came back out. 

“You bet,” Jenny beamed. 

\-------- 

The ceremony was lovely and went off beautifully. Jenny cried, Clara cried, and it even looked like David may have shed a tear or two when he saw his bride in her dress. There were about a hundred guests, who all cheered and hollered when the couple was announced as husband and wife and walked down the aisle hand in hand. The pair, along with Clara, Steve, David’s parents, and John made their escape to take pictures down the street at Abbey Road and then in a garden close by. Once the photographer was done with everyone, but the bride and groom, they were free to go back and join the cocktail party, where Clara was excited to see her old friends from uni. A short time later, Jenny and David returned and joined the mingling until it was time to eat. Everyone sat down to a wonderful meal followed by the speeches and Clara was the first one to go. 

“I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I know how much people hate speeches at a wedding.” The crowd laughed and Clara relaxed a bit. “For those of you who don’t know me, I'm Clara and I’ve known Jenny for what feels like a lifetime. In actuality, it’s only been about twelve years, but from the first moment I met her, I knew she was someone who would be in my life forever. She instantly became like a sister to me, both of us not having any siblings, and we occasionally even fought like ones too. Although, not often and usually over something stupid like who was our favourite musician from Take That.” Again, the crowd chuckled and Clara paused before she continued. “I thought about sharing some embarrassing stories of Jenny, but I thought that those are secrets best kept between us. Instead, I just want to tell her how much I love her and despite the physical distance between us, she’ll always with me in my heart. I couldn’t be happier that you’ve met a wonderful man, and now I have two great people who are a part of my life. Congratulations to you both.” 

Clara held up a glass and everyone cheered around their tables. Jenny and David both got up to hug Clara, a few tears running down Jenny’s cheeks. 

“Clara that was beautiful. Thank you. I love you so much,” Jenny said. 

They all sat back down and Steve stood up to give his speech, which was longer than Clara’s, because he told a few embarrassing stories of David. After him, David’s parents got up and talked about their son for a bit and then welcomed Jenny into their family. Jenny was very lucky to be marrying into a family that had as much love for her as they did for their son. Next, it was John’s turn and Clara could tell that he looked a bit nervous to talk in front of all these people, half of which he didn’t know. 

“I want to thank everyone for coming out today to witness Jenny and David starting their new life together. It means a lot to me to know that they have a great group of family and friends to support them in this next chapter.” Clara recognized the words immediately as the ones she read the night before. “There isn’t much that I can likely tell you, that you don’t already know about Jenny. She’s always been a very fun, loving, carefree girl and her mother and I have been proud of her every step of the way. I look at you today, sweetheart, and I’m in awe of the great woman you’ve turned into and for that I give most of the credit to your mum. She may not be with us here today, but I know I feel her spirit and she is no doubt smiling down at the two of you knowing that she was right about David the moment she met him.” His voice cracked a bit and he paused for a moment to gain his composure. “Much like Clara, I’m going to keep this short. I had a lot more I wanted to say, but really, I just want you both to know how much you mean to me and that I couldn’t be happier for you both. To the happy couple.” 

Once again everyone raised their glasses and toasted Jenny and David, who got up to now hug John and to give the final speech of the night. 

“Well, what can we say, but thank you to everyone.” Jenny said as she started. “You are all here today because you are important to us and we can’t imagine starting this new journey without all of you to witness it. I want to start by thanking Clara, for being a huge help to me not only now, but in a lot of things I’ve had to encounter in my life. I love you like the sister I never had and I can’t wait for the day that I get to be a part of your wedding.” Jenny looked over at her friend and smiled. “But most of all I want to thank my Dad, who has always been there for me, but stepped up and helped a lot more with the planning than I ever thought he would. I know shopping for dresses and flowers isn’t your style, but you’ve been one hell of a trooper. Mum would have been proud.” 

Jenny paused as she could feel her tears start to come and David stepped in to take over the rest of the speech, as he thanked Steve and his parents. They concluded the speeches by telling everyone to stay and help them celebrate the rest of the night with the drinking and dancing festivities. The newlyweds kicked it all off with their first dance, which was of course a Beetles song ‘All You Need is Love’, followed by a father daughter dance to the song ‘The Way You Look Tonight’, which had most of the crowd in tears including Jenny and John. In order to lighten the mood, the DJ switched to some faster songs once they were finished and it helped to get everyone into a party mood. Clara made her way out to join Jenny and David along with some other friends on the dance floor and she couldn’t help but notice that John slipped away and made his way back to his table with his sister and some other family. It was no surprise that he wasn’t likely a fan of the song ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams or ‘Bad Guy’ by Billie Ellish. All of David’s and Jenny’s friends seemed to be on the floor dancing and after about an hour, Clara was in need of a break. She made her way over to the bar to grab a drink and as she was making her way back up towards an empty table near the dance floor, Jenny’s Aunt Sara stopped her. 

“Clara dear, please have a seat,” she said as she pulled a chair out between her and John. She didn’t want to be rude so she took the offered seat. “Your speech was very lovely.” 

“Oh thanks. I just spoke from the heart.” 

“I think it’s great that Jenny has a friend like you. John tells me you’ve been a big help to her, not just with the wedding, but in dealing with the loss of her mum.” 

“It’s an unfortunate thing that we share now, but I’m glad I could help,” Clara replied, not really wanting to talk about something so sad. 

“Sara, this is a wedding, I’m sure Clara doesn’t want to talk about that,” John said, almost as if he had read Clara’s mind. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry. You probably want to get back to dancing.” 

“Actually, this is a much-needed break, but why aren’t you two up there?” 

“I’m not much of a dancer, but John there...” 

“Sara,” John said with a warning tone. 

“What? You were always out at the clubs when we were younger.” 

“Yes, but I’m not young anymore.” 

Clara suddenly started picturing a young John out at the clubs on a Saturday night and thought that was a man she would have liked to have met. And likely a man that he had buried deep inside of him. She wondered how much coaxing it might take to get him out on the dance floor, loosening him up a bit might be something fun for Jenny to see. 

“You don’t need to be young to enjoy dancing,” Clara said. “If it’s something you enjoy, get out there.” 

“I’m fine right here,” he replied. Making a fool out of himself was something he didn’t want to do at his daughter’s wedding. 

The song changed to ‘Shut Up and Dance’, which Clara thought the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. 

“Oh come on,” she said as she stood up. “This song is practically begging you to dance.” 

“No,” he replied. 

“Please,” she implored. 

He looked up at her as she stood there with her pleading big brown eyes and he suddenly felt compelled to follow her wherever she wanted to go. 

“Fine,” he answered almost grumpily. “One song.” 

“Great! I’m sure Jenny will be very happy.” 

He got up and the two made their way to the dance floor, where Jenny was beyond thrilled to see her dad join them. He wasn’t a bad dancer at all and once he started to relax, he really got into the rhythm, showing a side that Jenny hadn’t likely seen in quite some time. He ended up staying for longer than one song and even did YMCA with them before the music slowed down and started to drive people off the dance floor that weren’t paired up. Clara was just about to leave when Steve stopped her, asking if she wanted to dance and of course being the nice person she was, she couldn’t say no. She took his hand and placed her other one on his shoulder as he respectfully placed his at her waist. They began moving to the song ‘Waiting for a Girl Like You’ by Foreigner, and just as Steve had spun her around, she locked eyes with John as he was walking off the floor. She just needed to get through this one song and then she could tell Steve that she wasn’t really interested in him and that she wished him the best. They continued chatting throughout their dance, mostly talking about the day and how great everything was and as the end of the song approached, Clara was about step out of his embrace when the music changed to ‘Love is All Around’, and Steve asked for another dance, at which point it became clear that he was likely trying to work up the nerve to ask her out. 

“Steve, do you think I might be able to cut in.” Clara heard John ask from behind her. 

“Oh, absolutely, Mr. Smith,” Steve said as he let go of Clara and said he would catch up with her later before walking off. It didn’t go unnoticed by her that John had never told him to call him by his first name, like he had with her. 

“May I?” John asked as he held a hand out to Clara, which she took and stepped into his open arms, both of them being sure to keep a respectful distance. “I thought maybe you could use some rescuing since you still haven’t told that poor bloke you’re not interested.” 

“Thank you. Sometimes my kindness is too much.” 

“I don’t think so. It’s a very endearing quality.” He smiled down at her. It was the first time he really realized just how petite she was. 

“Look how far you’ve come since we first met,” Clara remarked. “Death glares to rescuing. You’ve had a very big change of heart.” 

“It happens from time to time.” Clara felt him grip her just a little bit tighter. “I truly am sorry for how I treated you on the plane, Clara. And after, for that matter too. I was wrong to judge you the way I did.” 

“It’s water under the bridge,” she replied with a soft smile. “I’m glad that you really aren’t the jerk I thought you were then.” 

“I’m a cranky bastard when I don’t get enough sleep.” 

Clara chuckled, but then neither of them really said much for the rest of the song. John didn’t know what had possessed him to ask Clara to dance, but he was enjoying the moment. For some strange reason it felt good to hold her soft tiny hand in his and guide them around the dance floor. Clara felt a weird sensation in the pit of her stomach, a combination of nerves and excitement. She really needed to stop thinking about how good John smelt and focus on not stepping on his toes. When the song ended, they both slowly let go of each other. 

“Thank you,” Clara said as she smiled at John. 

“You’re very welcome, but will you go tell that man you're not interested.” 

“Yes. I'll do it now, I promise.” She smiled at John and then walked off to tell Steve that there really wasn’t much sense in pursuing something with her. 

The rest of the night flew by pretty quickly and it wasn’t long before most of the guests were gone, leaving just a few family members and close friends. Clara convinced David and Jenny to leave and go enjoy the honeymoon suite they had booked in a nearby hotel, which they very happily agreed to do. 

“Clara, thank you for everything,” David said as he hugged her. 

“You’re very welcome. I’m happy to have been a part of your special day.” 

“I’m going to miss you,” Jenny said as she took her turn at hugging her friend. “When will you be back again?” 

“I think in about four months for my Dad’s birthday,” Clara answered. 

“Good. I’m glad it won’t be as long as it was this last time,” Jenny said. 

“It won’t be. I promise. Besides we’ll do video chats and you won’t have a chance to miss me.” 

The girls hugged again and then said good-bye to the remaining guests. Once they were gone, the DJ played a couple of more songs, but that was pretty much it for the party. Clara had decided that she should likely head home too, as she had a flight to catch the next day and needed to get up early to have one last breakfast with her Dad and Gran, but she needed to get her overnight bag from John’s car. She looked around and spotted him near the exit saying goodbye to some of the guests. 

“Leaving too,” he said as she approached him. 

“I am, but I need to get my bag out of your car.” 

“Oh right,” he said, having completely forgot about it. “How are you getting home?” 

“I’m just going to call an Uber.” 

“Why don’t I give you a lift?” John offered, knowing that it was late and for some reason wanted to make sure she got home safely. 

“Oh you don’t have to do that,” Clara replied, shocked by his offer, but not wanting to put him out. 

“It’s the least I can do given all the help you’ve been the past couple of weeks. Just give me a second to get Sara and say goodbye to a few people.” 

“It’s really okay. I’m not that far from here and it’ll likely only take about fifteen minutes this time of night. But thank you, that’s really kind of you.” 

“Well, I’m just trying to show you I’m not a complete arse,” he responded and then walked towards the door with her, while Clara ordered her Uber. 

“I think I have completely determined that you’re not.” 

They walked the short distance to his car, where John opened the boot and grabbed Clara’s bag for her. He suddenly realized that this would likely be the last time he would see her and he felt a hint of sadness. 

“Well, Ms. Oswald, it was very nice getting to know you,” he said as he handed her, her bag. 

Clara took it from him and was sorry that she wouldn’t be seeing him again because she just didn’t see when the opportunity would come up and if it did it would most likely not be for quite some time. 

“And you as well. I’m glad that we got to meet properly and not just from the plane.” 

“Me too,” he smiled at her. “Hopefully you don’t have another jerk sitting in front of you on the way home.” 

A black sedan pulled into the dimly lit parking lot and Clara knew that was her ride. John opened the door for her and just before she got in, she turned and smiled at him. 

“I guess I’ll see you around,” she said. 

“I hope so,” he said in return. “Make sure Jenny brings you around the next time you’re in London.” 

She nodded and then got in the car and John shut the door once she was in. He stood there for a moment and watched her drive away, before he went back inside to shut down the party. It had been a very long and emotional day, and all he wanted to do was sleep for about a week. 

Clara wanted to turn and see John one last time, but she knew it was too dark and he would be nothing but a shadow. The thoughts that were running through her mind needed to stop and she knew that it was a very good thing that she would be putting an ocean between her and Jenny’s dad. There was no denying she was attracted to him and the fact that he turned out to be a caring, kind man did not help matters at all. Perhaps she did need to try and find someone to date, someone who was definitely not her best friend’s father. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments on the last chapter! I'm so happy that many of you are enjoying this and look forward to updates. Now let's find out how these two are going to do now that they are apart.

“Clara, come on let's get a move on. We’re going to miss happy hour if we don't leave soon,” Michelle stated. 

“Just one minute. I need to send this email and then we can go,” Clara answered, as she was typing away at her computer. 

“Okay, but if I miss cheap drinks, you’re buying.” 

Clara’s auburn-haired coworker stood in front of her cubicle, bag in hand and clearly ready to get her weekend started. Clara got a long with most of the people she worked with, but Michelle was someone she saw as a real friend and actually socialized with outside of work. They had a lot in common and shared a similar sense of humour, which had made for some really interesting nights out. Tonight, they had planned on hitting up a nearby restaurant for dinner and drinks on the patio and then see where the night took them. 

“Alright,” Clara said as she hit send. “Let’s go. 

The two girls said goodbye to some remaining colleagues and made their way down the street to a place called Scaddabush, which not only had a nice patio, but also some very good Italian cuisine. When they got there, the place was a little busy, so they decided to have drinks at the bar while they waited for a table. Clara was in the middle of telling Michelle about the horrendous date she had been on the week before, when her friend stopped her mid-sentence. 

“Sorry, but you need to see this silver fox that just walked in.” Clara was about to turn in her seat, but Michelle stopped her. “Don’t look.” 

“You just told me to look.” 

“Be subtle. You can’t let him see us looking at him.” 

Clara rolled her eyes at Michelle and slowly turned, pretending to be reaching for her bag that was hanging off the back of her bar chair. She slowly scanned the entrance and felt her heart thump a little faster when she saw the man Michelle was referring to. He was the same man she had said goodbye to in a church parking lot three months ago after her best friend’s wedding. What the hell was John doing in Toronto? She was slightly stunned for a moment and then saw that he was about to turn and leave, so without even thinking she hopped off her tall chair and made her way to the entrance. 

All John wanted after spending the whole day at the conference centre was a nice meal, which was proving to be a difficult feat, given it was after five on a Friday. He had been in Toronto for a couple of days now and so far, had only had room service from his hotel, which sadly looked like he would be doing again tonight. He turned to leave the restaurant and had just made it outside the door when he heard his name. He was sure that it must be directed at some other John, until he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see his daughter’s best friend. 

“Clara,” he exclaimed surprised. 

“Hey,” she smiled at him. “What on earth are you doing here?” 

“I'm in town for a conference,” he said, still surprised that he would actually run into her. 

“I'm surprised Jenny didn’t tell me,” Clara said. “I just talked to her a couple of weeks ago.” 

“I just decided a week ago to come, so she wouldn’t have known then.” He had debated about asking Jenny for Clara’s number, to see if she wanted to meet for dinner, but then had thought that sounded really weird and decided against it. “So how have you been?” 

“Good. Busy with work. What about you?” She asked, wondering if she should invite him to join her and Michelle for dinner. 

“Same, busy with work and not much else.” 

“Well that’s good that work is keeping you busy.” 

“I suppose,” he paused, realizing that he was likely keeping her form some sort of date. It was Friday night after all. 

“Were you going to have dinner here?” Clara asked, trying to keep their conversation going. 

“I was, but it’s a long wait for a table, so I thought I’d just head back to my hotel.” 

“You can’t do that. Jenny would have my head if she knew I let you eat alone. Please come and join my friend and I. We were just waiting at the bar.” 

John really didn’t want to intrude, but at the same time he really didn’t want to have another dinner by himself in his lonely hotel room. 

“Are you sure, your friend won’t mind?” 

“I’m positive. Come on.” 

Clara walked back into the restaurant and John followed her, where she approached a woman, who looked to be about the same age as her. 

“Michelle, this is John,” Clara said as she joined her friend again. “He’s my best friend’s father.” 

“Oh,” she said now understanding why Clara took off. “Very nice to meet you.” 

“You as well,” he replied as he shook her hand then looked at Clara. “Do you know where the loos are?” 

“Just around the corner over there.” 

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” 

He walked off and immediately Michelle started grilling Clara. 

“The handsome silver fox is your friend’s father?! That is really unfair. Where’s his wife?” 

“She passed away a couple of years ago.” 

“So, he’s single?” 

“He was a couple of months ago. I suppose that could have changed.” Clara glanced over towards the washrooms. “Besides, that doesn’t matter, he’s my best friend’s father.” 

“And you fancy him?” 

“No, I didn’t say that.” 

“You didn’t have to.” 

“Michelle.” 

“What? I’m just stating my observations. You took off after him pretty quickly when you saw him about to leave.” 

“Because I wanted to say hi and invite him to join us.” 

“Okay, sure,” Michelle said, clearly not convinced with Clara’s answer. 

“I mean it. I have eyes and can see that he’s a handsome man, but that doesn’t matter because I cannot have feelings for him, so don’t go putting those ideas in my mind.” 

“Fine.” She finished the rest of her drink and then stood up from her chair. “I’m going to go.” 

“What? Why? I thought we were having dinner and seeing where the night took us,” Clara stated surprised at her colleague's sudden departure. 

“Because I know where this night is going. Gary texted me, while you were chatting with John and wanted me to meet up with him. Now that you have John to hang with, I’m going to go meet Gary. So, I know my night is going to end in a really good shag, as you Brits say, and now there’s a chance yours might as well.” 

“For the love of Christ,” Clara stated annoyed. “Mine is definitely not ending that way.” 

“Never say never,” Michelle hugged Clara goodbye. “Call me tomorrow and let me know how tonight was.” 

“Enjoy your night with Gary,” Clara said to her friend as she walked away. 

Michelle had met Gary at a pub about a month ago and had been having a very casual relationship with him ever since. Clara never really understood the no strings attached sex. Sure, she had had her share of it in uni, but now that she was older, it just didn’t appeal to her. She looked over towards the washrooms and saw John come out and walk back over to her. Her stomach was suddenly in little knots at the idea of having dinner alone with him. What on earth were they going to talk about? 

As John approached the bar area again, he noticed Clara’s friend was gone. He really hoped that he hadn’t driven her away. He had no idea what he was going to talk to Clara about during dinner and what had seemed like it could have been a nice night, was now looking like it was going to be a stressful one. 

“What happened to Michelle,” he said as he took the seat the woman in question had vacated. 

“Sadly she got a better offer and decided to take it.” 

“Well, that’s not much of a friend,” John said with a frown. 

“She wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t here. She felt that she could leave me alone since I now have you to have dinner with.” 

John nodded and Clara’s phone beeped with a text message. 

“Looks like a table is ready. Michelle and I were going to sit on the patio, so I hope that’s okay?” Clara asked as she stood. 

“Fine by me. It’s a nice evening.” 

The pair walked over to the entrance and then were shown a table on the patio, which despite being on a busy sidewalk, was relatively secluded with tall bushes that wrapped around it. They were sat in a corner, where there weren’t a lot of people around, which was nice because John hated having a bunch of strangers listening in on his conversations. Not that he had anything, controversial or juicy to talk about; he just liked privacy. John, being the gentleman that he was, pulled Clara’s chair out for her to sit and then sat across from her. Clara wasn’t used to that kind of treatment, as most men she dated wouldn’t bother to do something so kind. Not that this was a date, but really it was the only situation she had to compare it to. They both picked up the drink menu and started looking for what they wanted to order. 

“What were you thinking about getting?” Clara asked. 

“I was thinking about getting wine. You?” 

“The same. Do you want to just share a bottle?” She asked. 

He debated about having that much, but knew it was likely a cheaper idea than each of them having a couple of glasses. He agreed and told Clara she could choose, so when the waiter returned, she ordered them a bottle of her favourite merlot. 

“Do you have a recommendation on what’s good to eat?” John asked. 

“Most of the things I’ve tried have been good. Their pasta is made fresh in house, so you really can’t go wrong with that.” 

After a couple of minutes of looking over the menu, both had decided on what they wanted, so when the waiter returned with their wine, they were ready to order. 

“So, what was the conference you were attending?” Clara asked, thinking it would be wise to stick to something easy to talk about. 

“Just a boring tech conference. I really didn’t want to come, but one of my sales guys thought it would be a good idea and convinced me to do it.” John fidgeted with the napkin on his lap as he spoke. 

“Was today the last day?” 

“No, tomorrow is.” 

Clara nodded her head, not really sure what else to ask him. It seemed that he didn’t really want to talk about it, so she didn’t want to keep on him about it. Both sat there in silence, looking around at anything but each other. 

“How was work today?” John asked, hoping that might spark some sort of conversation. 

“Boring. I have a new book that I’m trying to get proofed, but it’s really quite dull, so it makes it hard to read.” 

“What kind of book?” 

“A sappy romance novel. It’s the worst genre ever. The plots are always so predictable and no imagination.” 

“So, what kind of books do you like to read?” He asked, curious to see if her taste was similar to his. 

“Horror, mystery, and sci-fi.” 

“Really?” He questioned surprised. He never would have pegged her for the type to like any of those genres. 

“You seem surprised,” she smiled at him. 

“I am. I love all of those, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who did as well. Well at least River and Jenny never did.” 

“Oh I know. Jenny made fun of me all the time in school for reading anything sci-fi.” 

“That sounds like her,” he chuckled. 

This new found common interest became a common ground and their discussion turned to books. It turned out they had both read the same book recently, which led to a debate as to how they thought the story should have ended. This continued until their food arrived, when their conversation changed to food. It turned out John hated seafood, much like Clara did and both loved Italian cuisine, albeit what kind of pasta and sauces they liked differed. John had ordered a chicken penne pasta in a rose sauce, while Clara had ordered her favourite, pasta with pesto, which John apparently had a huge distaste for. At no point during their dinner did they have any awkward pauses in their conversation and time was suddenly passing very quickly; before they knew it, the server had come back to clear their dishes and ask if they wanted dessert. 

“I’m really full after that meal,” Clara said. “But their cheesecake is to die for.” 

“Do you want to share it?” John asked. 

“We could do that,” Clara replied. 

They ordered the blueberry cheesecake and two forks, which suddenly struck Clara as an odd thing to do with her friend’s father. However, that was the first time since they had sat down that she had thought of John that way. Over the course of the meal she had really started seeing him as a friend. 

“I hope it’s okay if we share it?” He asked, almost as if he had read Clara’s mind. 

“It’s fine. When you see the size of it, you’ll be glad we did.” Clara took a sip of the last little bit of wine she had. “So, where are you staying?” 

“Down the street at the Royal York.” 

“Oh, fancy,” she said with a smirk. 

“I suppose. I wanted something close, but not too close. Plus it was actually cheaper than staying at that one there,” he said pointing at the one across the street, attached to the conference centre. 

“Well, all I know about the Royal York, is the Library Bar inside has the best cocktails.” 

“Good to know. I haven’t checked out the bar in there, but after a claim like that I think I should.” 

“Most definitely,” she answered. “I guarantee you will not be disappointed.” 

“So what other little gems do you know about the city?” I was thinking about ditching the last day of the conference tomorrow and do some actual sight-seeing.” 

“Well, there is the obvious,” she said pointing to the CN Tower that was visible from where they were sitting. 

“Yeah, I’m afraid of heights so I’ll pass on that one.” 

“What?! You can’t come to Toronto and not go up the tower!” She exclaimed. “It was the first thing I did when I got here.” 

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

“Hmm, I may need to think about this. It’s been awhile since I was a tourist here.” 

Clara thought for a moment and then decided maybe the best thing to do would be to take him on a tour of the city. Show him some of the neighbourhoods that she liked that had some history in them, but were a little off the beaten path of a typical tour. 

“You know I don’t have anything going on tomorrow. I could show you around if you want?” She offered. 

John was shocked that she would want to spend more time with him, but was happy that she did. He had been having a very good time with her tonight and was really seeing her as someone that could be a good friend. The thought that she was Jenny’s best friend didn’t hit him as often as it had been and he was really seeing her for the intelligent, witty woman she was. 

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” he said. 

“I know I don’t have to, I want to,” she smiled at him. 

There was something about her smile that made him unable to say no. Plus it would be nice to not spend the day alone wandering the streets of Toronto. 

“I would appreciate it very much. Thank you.” He returned her smile and for the first time in a while, he was looking forward to something since Jenny’s wedding. 

Their dessert arrived and the two ate it while making a plan for the next day. Clara thought that since the weather was supposed to be sunny and warm, they should start at the Toronto Island. After that they would decide what they were in the mood for doing. John didn’t really care what they did, he just appreciated having someone to spend time with on one of his business trips. Prior to River’s death and after Jenny moved out, River would come with him any time he had to travel, so he always had someone to explore a new city with. He hadn’t done that since he started traveling on his own for work now. 

“Is there anything else I can get you,” their server asked as he came back to clear their empty plate. 

“No, I think we’re good,” John answered. “Just the bill please.” 

“Certainly. Together or separate? 

“Together,” John replied. 

Clara was just about to correct him, but the waiter walked off before she could tell him separate. 

“I can pay for my meal, John.” 

“I know you can, but I can write this off as business expense. If you want, you can pay for my coffee tomorrow morning since we’re meeting at such a ghastly hour.” 

“Deal,” Clara chuckled. “I wouldn’t normally suggest such an early time, but it’s going to be busy on the island with such great weather, so the earlier the better.” 

“No, it’s fine. I’d rather get up and do something than hang about in the hotel.” 

A couple of minutes later the waiter returned and John paid the bill. Once he was done the pair made their way out to the street to say their goodbyes. 

“I gotta go that way,” Clara said as she pointed up the street. “But I'll see you bright and early at eight.” 

“I better head to bed now,” John joked as he looked at his watch. 

“Yes, I don’t want to be dragging you around this city tomorrow,” Clara replied. “Do you want to give me your number in case I'm running late?” 

“Sure,” John replied and proceeded to tell her his mobile number. 

“Great,” Clara said as she typed it into her phone. “Thanks again for dinner.” 

“Thanks again for the company,” John replied with a smile. 

Clara couldn’t help but return the gesture as she felt that familiar tingle of attraction. If she was going to be spending the day with him tomorrow, she needed to push that thought right out of her head and think of him only as a friend because there could never be anything more between them. 

John would only ever admit to himself that he really liked Clara’s smile. He found it to be infectious and couldn’t help but feel happy when being around her. He now saw why Jenny appreciated Clara’s friendship; she was a very caring woman who seemed incredibly kind. 

They parted ways, both walking away with smiles on their face, that neither could obviously see, but both had the feeling that this could be the start of a wonderful friendship. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy to know that this story is loved by all of you they way that I have loved writing it. Thank you for all the wonderful comments and feedback!

John had just finished shaving when he heard his mobile ring from the other room. Dread suddenly overcame him, thinking that Clara was cancelling, but when he picked up his phone, he saw that it was Jenny face timing him. 

“Hi sweetheart,” he said as he answered. 

“Hey dad! Did I wake you? I forgot what time it is there?” 

“No, no I’ve been up for awhile. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked wondering why she was calling him while he was away. 

“It dawned on me last night that you’re in the same city as Clara and I wondered if you wanted to meet up with her. Perhaps someone to have lunch with.” 

“That’s nice of you, but I actually ran into her last night.” 

“You’re kidding?” Jenny exclaimed, surprised. 

“No, she was having dinner at the restaurant I went to.” 

“Well small world.” 

“Quite.” 

“So are you going to see her?” 

“Aye, she offered to take me sight seeing today.” 

“Oh good,” Jenny replied, happily. “I'm glad you’ll have some company.” 

“It will be nice for a change.” 

“Well I won’t keep you. I'll see you when you get home.” 

“Okay. Tell David I say hello.” 

“I will. Love you!” 

“Love you more.” 

John ended his call and went to his suitcase to decide what he was going to wear. The weather was supposed to be warm, so a blazer wouldn’t be an option or a button up shirt. He pulled out his faded jeans and black skull print t-shirt, hoping that he wouldn’t look like he was having a mid-life crisis while spending time with someone much younger than himself. 

\----------- 

Clara had just come out of the subway station and was waiting to cross the street when her mobile rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and saw that it was Jenny. 

“Hey,” she said, happy to hear from her friend. 

“Hey yourself!” Jenny exclaimed. “I heard you ran into my dad.” 

That would explain the early morning phone call, Clara thought. Jenny didn’t usually call her until much later in the day. 

“I did. I'm actually on my way to meet him now.” 

“I know. I wanted to thank you for hanging with him today. He gets really lonely when he travels.” 

“You don't need to thank me, I'm happy to do it.” Clara responded, as she noticed the light turn green and started to cross the street. 

“Still, I appreciate it. I mean it can’t be fun spending the day with someone you hardly know and likely don’t have that much in common with.” 

“It’ll be fine. If there’s ever a lull in the conversation, I'll just tell him stories about you from uni.” 

“You will not!” Jenny exclaimed and Clara started laughing. 

“I'm sure he’d love to hear about the time you were so drunk you threw up all over a police officer.” 

“Clara Oswald…” 

“Relax, I won’t tell him anything,” Clara assured her. “Your secrets are safe with me. Now I gotta go because I'm almost at your dad’s hotel.” 

“Okay, have fun.” 

“I'm sure I will. Talk to you later.” 

Clara hung up and made her way into the hotel where she immediately spotted John sitting in a wing back chair in the lobby. He looked the most relaxed she had ever seen him, and cursed inside for how attractive he looked in his t-shirt and jeans. 

John was watching the entrance waiting for Clara, knowing that she was likely to arrive any minute now. He was feeling an excitement that he hadn’t felt in a long time and was really looking forward to getting to know the small brunette better. What he wasn’t expecting was his mind immediately thinking how pretty she looked in her cut off denim shorts, and off the shoulder, short sleeve baby blue shirt, when he saw her walk in. Clara smiled when she saw him and he did the same as he stood and grabbed his cross body bag that held his camera. 

“Good morning,” she greeted him. 

“It will be once I get some coffee in me,” he replied. 

“Agreed. We pass a Starbucks on the way to the ferry terminal, so we can get some there.” 

“Perfect. Lead the way, Ms. Oswald.” 

The pair left the hotel and started walking towards the coffee shop. They chatted a bit about the weather, clearly trying to make small talk as they were still trying to get to know each other. 

“So, it’s a beautiful day,” John remarked. 

“Yeah, we’ve been lucky to get some days where it hasn’t gotten too hot yet.” 

“How hot does it get here in the summer?” 

“Hotter than you’d expect for a country that is known for being cold. I was shocked my first summer here.” 

“And the winters?” 

“Exactly what you’d imagine they’d be. Definitely not like any cold I’ve ever experienced in England.” 

“And you like living here?” John asked as he opened the door of the coffee shop for her. 

“I do, very much,” she smiled at him as she walked past him and into the café. 

They ordered their drinks and some muffins to go and made their way towards the ferry which was leaving in about fifteen minutes. Clara was relieved to see that it wasn’t too busy yet and they would likely be able to get a good spot on the boat. She always liked to stand outside, enjoying the feel of the wind on her face and the sound of the water as the boat moved through it. As they approached the terminal, John started walking towards the ticket booth, but Clara stopped him. 

“I wasn’t sure how busy it would be so I went online last night and bought tickets,” Clara stated leading him towards the gate instead. 

“Well that was some forward thinking. How much do I owe you?” 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, it was really not much at all.” 

John thanked her but made a mental note to buy her a cold drink later in the day. He wasn’t sure how long they would be out, but he figured it would likely be into the afternoon. He hadn’t really thought that maybe Clara might have plans later that day or just not want to waste an entire Saturday hanging out with him. 

The gates opened and one of the stewards started scanning people’s tickets. As the pair approached, Clara held out her phone and the man scanned it twice before they walked onto the ferry, where Clara immediately led them to the front and found an open bench to sit and eat their muffins. Once they were finished, John took out his camera and hung it around his neck, snapping a couple of pictures of nothing in particular just to take some test shots. It had been quite some time since he had taken photos, so he wanted to be sure he remembered what he was doing. 

“Nice camera,” Clara said getting his attention. 

“Thanks. It’s been awhile since I used it. Do you like taking pictures?” 

“Only with my phone. I found it easier when I was backpacking to have one less thing to carry.” 

“I suppose it would be,” John looked towards the front of the boat, as the pair slipped into silence, neither really knowing what to talk about. 

Luckily, the trip across was a short one so it wasn’t long before they found themselves off the boat and heading down a foot path. Clara had decided to take him towards the pier first because she wanted to see if he had the same reaction, she did when she saw Lake Ontario for the first time. She had never seen a lake like this and she was sure that John hadn’t either. As they walked past fountains and gardens, John would periodically stop to snap some pictures and Clara couldn’t help but smile at seeing him enjoying himself. She took the opportunity to really take him in for the first time today and she saw how relaxed he looked, like she was possibly seeing the younger version of him that had gotten lost in being a grieving widower. 

“Wow,” John exclaimed as they approached the pier. “This is a lake?!” 

Clara chuckled and was happy to know that she wasn’t the only one that felt amazed by it. Her friends had made fun of her for saying almost the same thing when they brought her here, but she had never seen a lake where you couldn’t see the other side of it. 

“I know, right! It’s like an ocean!” 

John smiled at her and then snapped some more pictures before the pair went down a different path to continue exploring the island. During their little stroll they came across a light house, a petting zoo, and various parks and bridges. It was a really great hike and John was enjoying how peaceful and relaxing it was, despite the lack of conversation. It hadn’t been to awkward because they were exploring, but it didn’t go unnoticed by him that they didn’t seem to have much to talk about. They had finally made it to an opening in an area that faced the city and John took the opportunity to take some more pictures. While he was shooting, he looked over and noticed Clara was standing in the perfect light with the city behind her and he couldn’t stop himself from taking her picture. 

“Oh sorry,” she said as she noticed him. “I was in your shot.” 

“No,” John smiled. “I just thought it was a nice picture of you. I hope you don’t mind.” 

John walked over to her and showed her the photo. 

“That is good. Can you send it to me? I don’t have a lot of pictures that aren’t selfies.” 

“Sure. Once I get back to London I'll email it to you.” 

“Thanks,” Clara smiled at him. 

He returned the gesture and then quickly snapped another pic of her, causing her to laugh. 

“Two can play at that game mister,” she said as she pulled out her phone and took a photo of him. “Now I have proof, so Jenny knows I really did see you.” 

“You need to give her proof?” 

“No, but she was concerned that I might get bored hanging out with you.” 

“Sorry,” he said, suddenly appearing a little dejected and taking a seat on a nearby bench. “I know it’s likely been a bit tedious for you.” 

“No,” Clara responded, feeling bad for ruining the moment. “I haven’t once felt that way.” 

She joined him on the bench, when he didn’t say anything in response. 

“I really am enjoying myself, John.” 

“Are you? You’re not just saying that because I'm Jenny’s dad? I don’t want you to feel like you have to be here.” He hated to feel like he was some child who needed to be taken care of and right now, knowing that Jenny had called Clara after he spoke to her, made him feel that way. 

“I don’t, honestly,” Clara answered, trying to understand why the sudden change in mood. “I think Jenny just doesn’t understand how I could spend the whole day with you.” 

“Does she really think I'm that dull?” 

“No! Not at all,” Clara clearly wasn’t helping this situation. “It’s just that we don’t know each other that well and I think she was concerned we might not have much to talk about.” 

John looked at her before he replied. “Well that’s been true.” 

Clara didn’t like the turn this conversation had taken and needed to figure out how to get their day back on track. She had really been enjoying herself, but perhaps she was thinking of him too much as Jenny’s dad and not as someone she could become friends with. She had felt the beginnings of a friendship last night and wanted to get that feeling back. 

“How about this,” Clara said. “Why don’t we pretend that Jenny doesn’t exist. That she’s not the reason we met.” 

John quirked an eyebrow at her, but didn’t say anything. 

“Hear me out,” Clara continued. “it’s possible that we’ve let her get into our heads, and that’s why it may be a tad awkward. We had no problem talking during dinner last night once we had found some common ground and, quiet honestly, I liked that. I want to get to know you, not Jenny’s dad, but you, John Smith.” 

For the first time since this conversation started, John gave her a slight smile. 

“I’d like that.” 

“Great, so what’s say we head back to the main land and I'll take you to some more spots to take pictures.” 

“Sounds good.” 

The pair stood and walked off towards the docks where they managed to get a water taxi to take them back; then making their way to the distillery district where they took a walking tour before having a bite to eat at a small café. After they finished lunch, Clara thought John might enjoy taking pictures in graffiti alley since he had mentioned during their meal that he enjoyed visiting art galleries, but they didn’t have time in the rest of their day to go to the Art Gallery of Ontario. John liked that idea and they took the street car over to one of the hip and trendy areas of Toronto. They walked around a bit more, both feeling more at ease and finding more things that they had in common beyond books. One of the things John had mentioned was music, which was something Clara had always enjoyed doing, going to concerts for indie bands. 

“It’s been ages since I’ve been to a concert,” John said. “Way too old for that nonsense now.” 

“Oh come on,” Clara said as they were walking down Queen Street, heading nowhere in particular. “I’ve seen many men your age at shows I’ve been to.” 

“I guess I’m just self-conscious about that sort of thing.” 

“You shouldn’t be. Besides, age is just a number and I truly believe that you are as old as you feel.” 

“That’s good for you, you don’t have a lot of things to worry about. I think worry has aged me beyond what I actually am.” 

“You don’t get a lot of time to relax, do you?” Clara said as she took in his demeanor. 

“I honestly can’t remember the last time I did something like we’ve done today. I’ve always been busy with my business and after I lost River, I threw myself into work even more.” 

“Distractions can be good, but it doesn’t have to just be work.” 

“Yeah, I suppose. Maybe I should start playing guitar again.” John said just as they walked past a music store. 

“You play?” Clara asked, excited as she had always wanted to learn. 

“Badly I’m afraid and it’s been a couple of years since I last did.” 

“Well then I think you should get back into it. I’ve actually been thinking about buying one, to learn, but don’t have any idea on where to start.” 

“How about starting now?” John suggested. 

“What?” 

“We just passed a shop and I could help you pick one out, if you want?” 

Clara thought for a moment as she wasn’t one to be so spontaneous with purchases, but finally decided, why not. The duo turned around and went back to the shop where they spent about an hour trying out different guitars until Clara found one that she liked and that was in her price range. 

“I can’t believe you just convinced me to do that,” she exclaimed as they walked out of the shop, John carrying her new purchase for her, while she carried a bag with all the accessories. 

“Didn’t seem that hard to do,” John smiled at her. 

Clara smiled shyly at him and then looked at her watch as she was starting to feel hungry again. 

“Wow, it’s six already. Did you want to maybe pick up some take away and go back to my place and eat. I don’t really want to lug that thing into a restaurant.” 

John was a little taken aback by her suggestion, thinking she might have had enough of him, but was happy to not be eating alone in the hotel. 

“Well technically, I’m lugging it,” he smiled at her to tell her he was joking. “But that sounds like a good idea. What did you have in mind?” 

“Do you like Thai? There’s a really great place not far from here and on the way to my place.” 

“Lead the way.” 

A half an hour later they were walking into Clara’s flat, which was the main floor of a house in what was known as Little Italy. It wasn’t a big place, but was enough space for her with a deck out back. It was a nice enough night that Clara suggested they eat outside and John agreed loving the warmth that they just didn’t have in the UK this time of year. He left her new guitar in her living room, near a bookshelf full of books mixed in with pictures. He didn’t look too closely as he didn’t want to appear nosy, but he was interested to see who was in the photos. He then followed her out to the backyard where she had a patio table and chairs in one corner and a wicker couch with pale green cushions on the other side. A string of lanterns hung off of the deck fence, which no doubt gave the space a warm glow at night. 

“This is really nice,” he remarked. 

“Thanks, I like it.” 

“How long have you lived here,” he asked as he took a seat at the table, while Clara went back inside, but could still hear John. 

“About six months. I got it after I got my permanent residency,” she stepped back outside carrying two wine glasses and a bottle of chilled white wine. “I thought I should get a nicer place since I was going to be staying.” 

“So do you see yourself staying here forever?” 

“I don’t know. For now, yes, but that could change.” 

John just nodded, not knowing what to say next. Clara poured the wine, handing him a glass before she lifted hers towards him. 

“Cheers.” 

“Cheers,” he replied as they clinked glasses. “Thank you for today. I really had a lot of fun.” 

“Me too,” she answered. “And thank you for helping me with the guitar. I’m actually excited to start learning.” 

“Well I would hope so, otherwise you just bought an expensive decoration.” 

Clara giggled and they slipped into a conversation about her plan of attack for taking lessons. She didn’t want to pay someone to teach her and thought she would just look for tutorials online and see how that went. John agreed and started talking about his days in high school when he started learning and even formed a short-lived band when he was in university. Clara started picturing a young John rocking out with his friends and wondered what it would have been like to know that man. No doubt it was the same one that River had fallen in love with since they had met and married at a young age. It wasn’t long before they were finished eating and the sun was starting to set that Clara had noted the time and the fact that she had just spent twelve hours with the man that she had once never wanted to see again. 

“I should likely get going,” John said as he looked at his watch. “I’ve got a long flight tomorrow and want to make sure I'm well rested, so I don’t get angry at the annoying person sitting behind me.” 

“Yes, I feel for that lovely person,” Clara smiled at him as she stood up, grabbing their empty dishes to carry inside. 

John followed her in, carrying their wine glasses and the empty wine bottle leaving them in the kitchen before walking through to the front door, where he had left his camera bag. He was feeling a little sad, thinking about not seeing her again, which made him realise that for the first time in a long time he had spent a great chunk of his day feeling happy. 

“Thanks again for today. I had a really nice time.” 

“Me too, and if you ever return, call me and we can do it again.” 

“I will. Which might be in the near future as I'm working out a deal with a company here.” 

“Great,” Clara smiled, which in turn made John smile. 

There was a slight awkward pause as neither of them knew how to really say goodbye. John didn’t want to overstep a boundary by hugging her, but at the same time felt like a handshake was too formal. He didn’t have to think too long before Clara stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him giving him a quick hug. 

“Have a safe trip home, and maybe I'll get to see you when I'm home next month for my dad’s birthday,” Clara stated. 

“Sounds good.” 

The pair finally parted ways and as Clara closed the door, she leaned against it giving a sigh of relief. About half way through their day she had started having a feeling she hadn’t had in a very long time and one that she definitely shouldn’t be having for her best friend’s father. She pulled out her phone and looked at the picture she had snapped of John earlier in the day and knew without a doubt that she had the beginnings of a crush. 


	8. Chapter 8

John stood in front of the Tudor style house hesitating before knocking on the door. It had been awhile since he had had dinner with his best friend, Jamie, and his wife Nancy, and he wasn’t looking forward to it. It was a strange feeling, not wanting to be alone with your friends of over thirty years, but ever since River died, he always felt like the third wheel when he got together with other couples. Typically, he would have made some excuse about being busy with work when Jamie would call to invite him over, but this time, Nancy had called and he had a hard time saying no to the woman who had introduced him to River. Back when John had started university, he met Jamie in one of his lectures, where both men discovered they had the same rock and roll dreams and decided to form a band. It wasn’t long after that Jamie met Nancy, who after a few months of dating, introduced John to River. He loved Jamie and Nancy like family, but being around them was difficult as it was a constant reminder of how he and River should be living their lives. But he hadn’t seen either of them since Jenny and David’s wedding and knew he couldn’t put dinner off any longer. 

“Johnny boy!” Jamie exclaimed as he opened the door, after John had finally knocked. 

“Hey Jamie,” John replied as he entered the house. “How are things?” 

“Good, good. No complaints from me. You want a beer?” 

“Sure,” John answered as he followed his friend through the front hall and into the kitchen. 

Jamie’s and Nancy’s home was similar to John’s and not that far from his own. They had moved to London, for Jamie’s job, about a year before John had and were a big reason why he chose this neighbourhood. 

“John, it’s so good to see you,” Nancy said as she turned from the sink, wiping her hands on a dish towel before she walked over to hug John. 

“You too. Thanks for the invite.” 

“You know you don’t need an invite to come over,” Nancy said as she pulled away from John and walked over to the fridge where Jamie was getting two cans of beer. 

“I know,” John replied. “Life just gets very busy.” 

“I think you mean work, mate,” Jamie said as he handed John a can. 

“Yeah, that does keep me occupied.” 

John couldn’t help but notice the look that Jamie shared with his wife and started wondering if this dinner was more than just a chance to catch up, but instead an intervention for him needing to get out more. 

“Why don’t you two go relax and I'll call you when dinners ready,” Nancy suggested. 

“You sure you don’t need a hand?” Jamie asked. 

“More than sure. You’re just going to get in my way.” 

“Well you don’t need to tell me twice. Come on John, let’s go.” 

The two men took their drinks and did as Nancy had suggested and went to the living room. Once there they started chatting about their kids and how they were all doing. Jamie and Nancy had two sons, both who were currently in university in Edinburgh. Unlike John and River, the other couple had kids later in life, so the boys were only eighteen and twenty. 

“So, how’s work been?” John asked Jamie. 

“Same old, same old. May be a different university, but the students always stay the same.” 

Jamie had been teaching art at the University of Edinburgh until a department head position was offered to him at the University of London. “What about you? Busy traveling, still?” 

“Yeah, for the time being. I was just in Toronto a couple of weeks ago for a conference.” 

“That sounds boring as shite.” 

“Usually, but I skipped the last day and salvaged a little bit of fun at least,” John replied, with a slight smile thinking back on that day. 

“What kind of fun could you possibly have on your own?” Jamie asked. 

“I wasn’t alone.” 

“Well this just got interesting,” Jamie replied, raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh, stop it. I just ran into a friend of Jenny’s who offered to take me sightseeing.” 

“Wow, that was a weird coincidence.” 

“Yes and no,” John answered. “She’s lived there for a few years now, but yes strange as Toronto isn’t a small city.” 

“So, a female friend,” Jamie replied. 

“Yeah, so what?” 

“Nothing. I was just curious as to who this friend is. Someone Jenny grew up with?” 

“No, they met in uni. I hadn’t meet her until she had come home for the wedding. She was Jenny’s maid of honour.” 

“Oh, that pretty brunette girl,” Jamie exclaimed. “She seems lovely.” 

“She is. She’s really kind and caring. Smart too.” John got a distant, almost dreamy look on his face, thinking back to the time he had spent with Clara. 

“So, you like this girl,” Jamie said. 

“What?” John questioned, being brought out of his memory and not liking what his friend was insinuating. “No.” 

“So, you spent the day with someone you don’t like?” 

“No, of course not.” 

“So, then you like her.” 

“Will you stop it,” John said, annoyed. “I know what you’re implying and it’s not like that.” 

“Not like what?” Nancy asked as she entered the living room. 

“John met a woman,” Jamie answered. 

“What? Really?!” Nancy exclaimed getting excited. 

“No!” John shouted. “Enough. She’s Jenny’s best friend and by no means at all someone I would be interested in.” 

“Sorry John, I thought that from the way Jamie was going on you had started dating someone,” Nancy replied. 

“No, now can we please just drop it. I have no interest in getting involved with anyone let alone a woman the same age as my daughter.” 

“Well, I wouldn’t argue with you if you did mate. She’s a very attractive lass.” 

John shot Jamie a look of death, which Nancy clearly saw. 

“Jamie, leave him alone. Now come on you two, dinner’s ready.” 

The trio went to the dining room where they sat down to the lovely meal Nancy had prepared. The mood had obviously been affected by Jamie’s ribbing of John, as no one was really saying much. 

“I'm sorry, John,” Jamie said finally breaking the silence. “I was just excited at the thought of you being happy.” 

“I'm sorry too,” John replied. “I didn’t mean to snap back there.” 

He looked down at his food, thinking about why he really hated when people started talking to him about dating. He always thought of it as cheating on River. 

“I just can’t imagine being with anyone else,” John whispered. 

“I can’t even imagine what you are going through,” Nancy said. “But you know that River wanted you to be happy, John.” 

“I am,” he lied. 

“No, you aren’t,” Jamie added. “And before you argue with me hear me out.” 

John stared at his friend, biting his tongue because despite the fact that Jamie was right, he hated to let him know that. 

“It’s been two years John and we may not know what River’s last words were to you, but we know what they were to us.” Jamie glanced at Nancy who nodded her head. “She wanted us to look out for you and most of all she wanted us to make sure you didn’t turn into a sad, bitter old man. She wanted you to move on and she wanted us to make sure you did. Like Nancy said, we can’t even imagine what it is you’ve been through and continue to go through, but you don’t need to do it on your own. You’ll never find another River, but I'm sure there is someone out there you could share your life with to help make it a little less lonely.” 

John suddenly remembered Clara telling him the same thing. He knew everyone was right, but he just didn’t know how to get past the feeling of being unfaithful. 

“Maybe one day,” he said quietly. “But just not now and definitely not with someone so young.” 

“I understand that John, but just keep an open mind and don’t close yourself off to possibilities,” Jamie said. 

John nodded his head and then the couple changed the conversation knowing that John wasn’t the kind of man to talk about these sorts of things. By the time John left that night he started thinking more and more what it might be like to be with another woman and as much as he didn’t want to admit it to anyone, including himself, the same woman kept coming into his mind. 

****** 

Clara sat at her dad’s kitchen table staring at her mobile debating if she should text John. She had arrived in London a few days ago for her dad’s birthday and now that the party was over, she had a couple of free days and wanted to see John, but felt that maybe it might be strange to message him out of the blue. She had only written to him once, thanking him for the picture he emailed her, but hadn’t talked to him after that. She really wanted to see him, but she also knew she needed to not be thinking of him the way that she had been. In fact, she needed to think of him a lot less, but there was this little voice inside her that kept saying there was no harm in meeting him for coffee because nothing would ever happen between the two of them anyway. They had started a nice friendship and that’s what it would stay; she just needed to get over this crush. 

**_Clara: Hey_ ** **_. It’s Clara. I'm in town and wondered if you wanted to get together for coffee._ **

She stared at the message and then hit send before she could change her mind. Now all she had to do was wait for him to respond, that was if he would. 

John was just starting a meeting with his sales team when he noticed the little green light on his mobile flashing, indicating a text. He didn’t want to be rude so ignored it until his meeting was over a half hour later. Once he got back to his office, he finally looked at his phone and was surprised to see that it was a message from Clara. He had heard from Jenny that she was home and wondered if he should call her, but ultimately felt a bit strange, not knowing if he should ask her for coffee or dinner. He was glad to see she took the guess work away from him and started typing his response. 

**_John:_ ** **_Hi. Coffee would be great. When?_ **

Clara was relieved when she finally got a response. 

**_Clara: Any time is good for me. What’s best for you?_ **

John looked down at his day planner and noticed that he didn’t have any appointments for the rest of the day. 

**_John:_ ** **_In an hour?_ **

Clara was surprised that he was available so soon, but happy she didn’t have to wait long to see him. She wrote him back and they agreed to meet at a shop that was close to his office, which meant she didn’t have a lot of time to get ready and take the tube down to Soho. 

John smiled at the thought of seeing Clara again and quickly got to work writing the last few emails he needed to send before he could go. Once he was done, he left the office and made his way down to the café. He was feeling slightly nervous and wasn’t entirely sure why because it was just Clara, and he’d been alone with her before. He took a few calming breaths as he approached the door to the shop and grabbed the handle to enter. As soon as he walked in, he spotted Clara sitting at a table near the back. She waved at him and he noticed she already had a drink sitting in front of her, so he decided to order one before joining her. He couldn’t help but notice how relaxed she looked and it immediately put him at ease. 

Clara had arrived about ten minutes earlier, so she ordered a tea and then decided to get a table where she could watch the door and see when John walked in. She took out her phone to read an eBook, but wasn’t really paying attention as she was more focused on every person that entered the café. Finally, she saw the man she was waiting for walk in and felt her heart do that familiar skip of a beat and her stomach do a little flip. She tried to push those feelings aside and not focus on them, but found it hard when he looked the way he did. Clearly, he had just come from the office as he was wearing a pair of straight legged black trousers, and a white button up oxford with small black polka dots. He must have been trying to look relaxed because the top button was undone and his sleeves were rolled up. Clara glanced down at her own appearance and suddenly felt a little under dressed wearing faded jeans and a red graphic t-shirt. 

“Hello,” John said as he took a seat across from her, coffee in hand. 

“Hi,” she smiled. 

“Sorry I’m a little late,” he said as he placed his work satchel under the table. 

“That’s okay. I hadn’t been here long plus you have a company to run.” 

“Still, I don’t like to keep people waiting. It’s been my number one rule in business.” 

“So, is this a business meeting?” She teased. 

“God, no. Those are boring as shite and you are far from boring.” He flashed her a quick smile and Clara felt her stomach flip again. 

There was a momentary pause as Clara shyly took a sip of her coffee and wasn’t really sure how to respond to his compliment. 

“So how was work today?” 

“Well I had meetings and emails to answer. If you hadn’t messaged me, I would have likely started falling asleep at my desk, so thank you. You are a much-needed distraction.” 

“Well I’m glad I could interrupt your afternoon nap.” 

“I was actually debating about calling you,” he said, not sure why he brought that up. 

“Really?” Clara was surprised to hear him admit that he had been thinking about her. 

“Yeah, Jenny said you were in town and I was curious as to how your guitar lessons are going?” He thought quickly of an answer. 

“Oh, that’s going rather slowly I’m afraid.” 

“Well you’re not going to be playing like Jimi Hendrix in a month,” he replied taking a sip of his drink. 

“I know, but it’s just hard to feel inspired, I guess. What about you? You start playing again?” 

“No, I’ve been a bit busy since I got back from Toronto.” He lied, not wanting to admit that he was a little hesitant to pick it up because playing his guitar was something that always reminded him of River. 

“Well I guess we won’t be starting a band any time soon,” Clara joked. 

“No. Been there, done that. I have no intention of embarrassing myself with my awful playing.” 

“I feel like you're not as bad as you think you are. I may have to hear you play to determine for myself,” she said. 

“Maybe,” he answered. 

“You know, this might sound crazy, but what if you taught me how to play.” It had been an idea that Clara had been thinking about for a while. Especially after she had tried some of the YouTube tutorials, but found herself getting frustrated. She just wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but now seemed like the perfect opportunity, not to mention the fact that it would be getting him back into a hobby he enjoyed. 

“I don’t know, Clara. I’m not much of a teacher. Plus, how would that even work?” 

“We could do a video call, maybe once a week.” She knew this was likely a bad idea and definitely wouldn’t help her get over her crush, but she just wanted to see him more. She justified it in her mind by thinking there was nothing wrong with wanting to have a handsome man teach you guitar. It was purely a motivational factor. 

John wasn’t sure he wanted to do this. He thought it might be nice to see Clara more, after all it did seem that they were becoming friends, but he wasn’t sure if he could pick up his guitar again. He thought back to the conversation he had had recently with Jamie about moving on and maybe this could be a first step; a way of forcing himself to do something he loved and learning how to do it without River. 

John’s silence was beginning to unnerve Clara. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked for his help. She had probably just put him in an awkward position and was trying to think of a polite way to decline. 

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Clara said. “You’re obviously very busy with work and…” 

“No,” John cut her off, then looked down into his coffee cup. “Sorry, I got lost in thought. I'm not too busy to teach you, I just…” 

John trailed off unsure if he could tell Clara the truth, but when he looked up and stared into her eyes, he saw her caring innocent look and knew he could trust her. 

“I haven’t played since River died,” he admitted quietly. 

Clara suddenly felt horrible for pushing him, even the slightest bit, to play. 

“I'm sorry. Forget I even brought it up,” she said. 

“No, no, please don’t apologise,” John said, feeling terrible that he had made her feel bad. “You have no reason to be sorry.” 

“I know, but I shouldn’t have been pushing you. I just thought it might be fun, but I didn’t think about how you might feel.” 

“You had no way of knowing,” John assured her. 

Playing guitar had always brought him a lot of happiness and maybe it was something he should really try and do again. Plus, he couldn’t bear to look at Clara’s sorrowful eyes any more. There was something about them that just made them seem bigger than they already were. 

“Look, why don’t we give it a try and see how it goes.” 

“No, really John, it’s fine.” She didn’t want to bring him any more pain than she already had. 

“No, I'm insisting. It’ll be good for me. Just give me a couple of weeks to get used to the idea and then we can start.” 

Clara looked at him and could tell that he really did want to try. 

“Okay,” she smiled and John felt relieved to see the look he had come to like return. 

“Good, now that that’s settled, how was your dad’s birthday?” He asked, changing the subject. 

It didn’t go unnoticed by Clara what John was trying to do and she decided to just go along with him. 

“It was good. Got to see a lot of family that I haven’t seen for a very long time.” 

“Was this a special birthday or does your family go all out every year?” 

“A special one,” she chucked at his question. “It was his 70th.” 

“70?!” He exclaimed a little shocked that Clara’s dad was 16 years older than him when he just assumed, they were likely the same age. 

“Yeah,” she smiled at John’s surprise. “Why do you seem so shocked?” 

“I guess I just assumed that since you and Jenny are the same age that your dad and I would be.” 

“Technically I am a year old than Jenny.” She wasn’t sure why she felt the need to add that, but she did. “And my parents had me later in life. Well later in my dad’s life; my mom was 9 years younger than my dad.” 

“Well, that explains a lot actually,” John replied and Clara gave him a quizzical look. “You seem more mature than Jenny and if you are an only child who had older parents, I can see why.” 

Clara thought it was interesting that John saw her that way. It made her happy to know that he was starting to see her on a different level than his daughter. 

The pair continued chatting until their coffee cups were empty and the late afternoon started turning into early evening. Neither of them had really noticed how long they had been there until John glanced at his watch. 

“Wow, I had no idea we’ve been here for nearly 2 hours,” he said. 

“Oh crap,” Clara exclaimed. “I promised my Gran I’d be home for dinner, excuse me for a second.” 

Clara grabbed her phone and walked off to make a call, while John pulled out his phone to check his email. She came back a few minutes later to get her purse that was on the back of her chair. 

“Sorry, but I really need to get going.” 

“That’s okay. I wouldn’t want you to keep your family waiting.” 

John reached for his bag under the table and then the two walked out of the shop together towards the closest Tube station. Once they were inside, they stopped where they needed to part ways and again John wasn’t sure how to say goodbye to the small brunette. 

“It was really good to see you again,” he said, as people were walking past them. 

“You too,” Clara smiled shyly. “I'm glad I got to see you while I was home.” 

“Me too,” he returned her smile. “And I am looking forward to your first guitar lesson.” 

“Good, let me know when you’re ready.” 

John nodded and then Clara gave him a hug goodbye, which John was a little more prepared for this time and was able to get his arms around her before she pulled away. It was a little longer than last time, and Clara was happy for the extra seconds. They finally said their farewells and Clara was off to catch her train with a smile as wide as Canada. She was happy that John agreed to the lessons and that meant she would be able to have Zoom calls with him, even though she knew she shouldn’t be feeling this way about him. She just couldn’t help it. 

A half an hour later John walked into his house, placed his satchel on the floor near the front door, and walked through to the kitchen where he opened the fridge door. He pulled out a pizza box from the night before and tossed it on the counter, opened it and took out a cold slice. He didn’t bother to grab a plate, but just immediately bit into it as he walked towards his stairs and started climbing them. When he got to the top he walked towards his office and then stood in the doorway, staring at the guitar case in the corner. He may not have touched it in a long time, but at least he had kept it protected. He finished the last bite of his pizza, then dusted the crumbs off his hands before stepping inside and laying the case down on the floor. He gazed at it for a moment, giving himself more time to convince himself he could do this. Finally, he knelt down, unlatched the clasps then slowly lifted the lid, inhaling the familiar scent of mahogany; he had almost forgotten how much he loved that smell. He reached in and picked the instrument up, then stood, stepping back to his office chair to sit. Like riding a bike, he immediately held it as if he had played it this morning. He stared at the wall ahead of him as wave after wave of memories flooded his mind and he almost put the guitar back down as the images of River were becoming too much. The memory of meeting her after one of his band's gigs, playing for her after they made love for the first time, the song he wrote and performed for her at their wedding, strumming lullabies to her pregnant belly, and singing her to sleep after horrible rounds of chemo. This guitar had been a major part of their lives and he wasn’t sure he could play it again, let alone for another woman. Just as he was about to stand to put the instrument away, another memory came to his mind and it was that of Clara in the music shop, smiling as she held what would become her guitar. He knew that excitement she felt because he had once felt the same when he first started to play. He wanted to see that look again and he knew there was only one way he could. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and began strumming a few chords as a tear slid down his cheek; maybe it was time to start making some new memories. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. Life has gotten in the way of my momentum. Let's see what these two are up to now.

Clara sat at her desk trying hard to focus on the chapter she was editing, but couldn’t. This story was complete crap and she wasn’t even sure how it had made it to this stage of editing, but it wasn’t the boring book that was making her lose focus, it was the fact that she had been back in Toronto for a week and she couldn’t stop thinking about John. He still hadn’t reached out to set a time to start her lessons and she was beginning to think that he had changed his mind. Which if she really thought about it, was likely a good idea. She glanced at the clock on her computer and saw that it was lunch time, which meant she could take a much needed break, so she grabbed her bag and made her way to Michelle’s cubicle to see if she wanted to join her. 

“Hey, lunch?” Clara asked as she approached her colleague. 

“My god yes,” Michelle said as she picked up her mobile and purse. “I was about to fall asleep. Why is this crap getting published?” 

“I had the exact same thought,” Clara replied as the two made their way to the lifts. “So what do you feel like?” 

“I don’t care, whatever you want to get, just as long as I can get a coffee.” 

“Late night?” Clara asked. 

“Yes. Gary came over around eleven.” 

The lift arrived and the women stepped inside. 

“Sounds like you two are getting serious,” Clara said. 

“I wouldn’t call meeting twice a week for a little slap and tickle serious, but he did ask if I wanted to go for dinner on Friday night, so who knows. Hey maybe he can bring a friend and we can double.” 

“No thanks,” Clara answered. “I'm not looking for something casual. I'm not even sure I'm looking.” 

“You would be if Mr. Silverfox was here,” Michelle replied. 

Clara rolled her eyes at her friend, tired of her always insinuating that she had feelings for John. Sure, she had a crush on him and sure she liked him, but that was all. She couldn’t let her feelings go beyond the silly school girl crush she had. 

“Will you stop with that,” Clara said. 

“No, not until you admit that you like him.” 

“Of course I like him. He’s become a friend.” 

“I don’t mean like that. You want to play kissy face with him.” 

“Kissy face?! What are you, 12?” 

The doors opened on the ground floor and the two stepped out. 

“Just admit it. If he weren’t your friend’s dad, you’d be trying to pursue something with him.” 

“I'll admit no such thing.” 

Michelle sighed out of frustration as she pushed the office building door open to exit onto the busy noon day street. “Suit yourself, but one day I will get the truth out of you. But until that time, just know if you need anyone to talk to about it, I'm here for you.” 

Clara knew she could rely on Michelle, despite only knowing her for a couple of years, but she just wasn’t ready to say the words out loud and hoped that she would eventually move on from it, so therefore there would be nothing to talk about. Clara acknowledged her friend’s offer and the two didn’t talk about it anymore during their lunch, for which Clara was grateful. Once they got back to the office they went back to their desks where both were hoping to get through their boring edits. About a half an hour into her work, Clara heard a ding on her mobile and assumed it was Michelle needing a distraction, but when she looked at her phone her heart skipped a beat. 

**_John: Hi. I hope all is well and that you made it_ ** **_back_ ** **_to Toronto okay._ ** **_Sorry I didn’t message sooner, but work_ ** **_has been_ ** **** **_busy and time_ ** **_has gotten_ ** **_away from me. You still interested in lessons?_ **

Clara stared at the message with a huge smile on her face. She couldn’t believe that he had actually texted her and it seemed that he still wanted to do the lessons. 

**_Clara: Hi! I'm good. Finally over my jetlag_ ** **_and ready to start lessons whenever you are._ **

She sent the message before she had time to think and wondered how long she would have to wait for a reply. The answer was, not long. 

**_John: Good. I'm not sure what time will be best with the time_ ** **_difference_ ** **_, but I could probably_ ** **_start_ ** **_tonight, if you want._ **

Clara’s heart started beating faster at the thought of doing a video call with John later. She was supposed to have dinner with Michelle and a few other colleagues, but she could easily get out of it without having to tell anyone why. Michelle would have a field day if she knew Clara didn’t want to come because of a call from John. 

**_Clara:_ ** **** **_I won’t likely be home until after 5 my time. Is that too late for you?_ **

She wanted to make sure that he was really okay with the time since it wouldn’t be until after ten in the UK. 

**_John: That’s fine._ ** **_I may be old, but I'm not_ ** **_so_ ** **_old that I'm in bed at 9 ;)_ **

Clara smiled at the wink emoji, trying not to read too much into it, knowing he was just teasing her. 

**_Clara: Good to know you still got some life in you_ ** **_:) Is_ ** **_6 my time okay_ ** **_?_ **

**_John: Perfect_ ** **_. You want to send me the zoom info?_ **

**_Clara: Sure. I'll send it once I get everything set up._ **

**_John:_ ** **_Sounds good. See you later_ ** **_._ **

Clara couldn't stop smiling as she laid her phone back down. Now she needed to think of an excuse to give to Michelle and everyone else as to why she couldn’t go to dinner. Luckily, she had some time to come up with something since there was no way she was going to be able to focus on work the rest of the afternoon. 

“So where should we go for dinner tonight?” Michelle asked as she stopped by Clara’s cubicle a couple of hours later. 

Clara looked up from her computer where she had been trying to work, but with no luck. 

“I can't go,” Clara said, giving her friend a frown so she would think she was disappointed. 

“What? Why?” 

“I haven't been able to get through this edit and I really need to get it done before tomorrow,” Clara lied as she looked back down at her computer. 

“Oh come on, that can wait until tomorrow.” 

Clara knew she would have a hard time trying to convince the persistent woman, but she had to stand firm; there was no way she could tell Michelle about John texting. 

“I really can’t. Kathy just told me they moved up the deadline, which means I need to get caught up. Besides, I won’t be much fun out if I'm worried about this.” Clara knew Michelle would likely buy this because their boss, Kathy, was always changing deadlines on them. 

“Fine, but you owe me a dinner,” Michelle finally relented. 

“Deal, now piss off so I can work,” Clara smiled at her, relieved that she didn’t have to continue the lie. 

The two made a plan to go out on Friday night and that seemed to appease Michelle enough for her to leave Clara alone so she could go back to focusing on her call with John later. She knew she shouldn't get her hopes up, but she was excited to see him again, even if it was just on video. She glanced at the time on her computer and knew that five o’clock wasn’t going to come soon enough. 

\---------- 

John set up his laptop in his living room along with his guitar and waited for Clara to message him. He still wasn’t entirely sure about this, but knew that it was a step he needed to take. He had spent every night this past week, easing back into playing and working up the courage to start teaching Clara. Once he was able to pick up his guitar without thinking of River every time, he knew it was time to call the small brunette. He looked at his watch and saw that it was nearly 11 which meant it was almost the time they had agreed on for their call. He wasn’t sure why his stomach felt like it was in knots, but he thought maybe a glass of wine, might help calm his nerves. Just as he was about to go into the kitchen his mobile beeped indicating a text, which he knew was likely Clara. 

**_Clara: Just emailed you the link._ **

John sat back down on the couch, deciding to not get the wine, and opened his laptop to check his email. There in his inbox was Clara’s message. He took a deep breath and clicked on the link which immediately took him to the video call where he waited for Clara to answer. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he was staring into her smiling face and suddenly realised he had missed that face. 

“Hi,” he said, cheerfully. 

“Hey,” she replied with the same tone. “It’s good to see you.” 

“You too,” he answered and debated telling her he missed her, but quickly decided against it, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. “How have you been?” 

“Good. Still trying to work my way through boring edits.” 

“They still have you reading romance novels?” 

“Sadly, yes. Perhaps one day I'll work my way up to a good murder mystery.” Clara replied as she took a drink from a glass of wine. 

“What you got there?” John asked. 

“A Merlot. I like to have a glass when I get home from work. I hope that’s okay?” 

This was a habit Clara had started early on in her career, but tonight the truth was that this was her second glass as she had been trying to calm her nerves. When she got home from work, she quickly grabbed a couple of bites of some leftover chicken salad in her fridge and then spent the rest of the time deciding what to wear and touching up her makeup. She had opted to change out of her work clothes and into something more casual, like a pair of light denim capris and a dark purple spaghetti strap tank top, which was cut just low enough to show a little cleavage, but not too low that it was revealing. 

“It’s fine. I was actually just about to grab a glass when I got your text,” John said. 

“Well go grab one, so I'm not drinking alone,” Clara told him, pulling her legs up to sit crossed legged on her couch. 

“Okay. Hold on a sec.” 

Clara watched him stand and noticed that he likely hadn’t changed when he got home from work, but instead had untucked his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Once he was gone from the shot, she immediately recognised that he was in his living room and had set up in the area that was near his TV. A few minutes later he was back and settled into the couch again. 

“Cheers,” John said as he lifted his glass towards the camera. 

“Cheers,” Clara smiled and did the same. 

Both took a drink and then Clara set hers down in front of her on the coffee table. “So how do you want to start this?” 

“I'm not sure,” John answered. “I’ve never taught someone how to play before and I certainly haven’t done it over video.” He thought for a moment. “Why don’t we start by me teaching you a song. I Know when I started playing, I hated learning a bunch of chords that didn’t sound like anything, so I just started learning the songs I loved at the time.” 

“I like that idea. I think when I was trying to watch YouTube tutorials, that’s what was frustrating me. I want to be able to play something I recognize.” 

“Okay, so what song would you like to learn?” 

Clara thought for a moment unsure of what she had her heart set on. “I really don’t know. I’ve been listening to a lot of Blue Rodeo lately and I really like their music, which has a lot of acoustic guitar in it.” 

John looked at the camera pensively. “I don’t know them.” 

“I would have been impressed if you have. They’re a really famous Canadian band, but not to well known outside of here. You should check them out.” 

“I will. Is there any song of theirs you’d like to learn?” 

“Whatever’s easiest would be good. I like most of their stuff.” 

John picked up his phone that was laying on the couch next to him and searched for the band on Spotify in order to add it to his playlist. 

“Okay,” he said. “Why don’t I listen to them and decide what to try. Once I find one, I'll learn it and then teach it to you.” 

“That sounds like a plan,” she smiled at him and he couldn’t help but notice how her big brown eyes sparkled. 

“It does, except it means that we didn’t really need to do a video call tonight,” he said. 

“That’s okay. It’s been nice having a drink with you,” Clara answered and smiled. 

“You too. Well worth staying up past my old man bed time.” John returned her smile, than teased her. 

“You’re hardly old, John,” Clara retorted. She hated that he kept referencing his age and thought that it likely had to do with Jenny always calling him an old man. “I don't see you as old at all.” 

“Thanks. Could you tell my daughter that. She likes to remind me of it all the time.” He laughed. 

“Yes, well she is a bit of a brat, but she really doesn’t think that. She used to tell me in uni how much she liked having younger parents.” 

“Really?” John was shocked because Jenny had never said that to him or River. 

“Really. She felt she got a long better with you guys because of that. I was actually always envious of her and the way she would talk about her relationship with her mum.” 

Clara got a distant sad look on her face and John instantly wanted to make her smile again. 

“Oh they had their moments. I remember this one time when Jenny was about 16. She had come home with a lip piercing and River lost it on her. She made her take it out immediately. Jenny was so mad she didn’t speak to either of us for a week.” 

“Wait, Jenny had a lip piercing? She never told me that.” 

“Probably because she only had it for a second. She went through this goth stage for about a year. Everything she owned was black, including her hair.” 

“Whoa! I can’t even imagine her with black hair!” 

“Hold on, I think I have a picture somewhere.” 

John got up again and walked away from the camera. Clara took the opportunity to get another glass of wine and when she came back John was taking a seat again. 

“See,” he said as he held a picture up to his camera. 

“Oh my god! I can’t believe she never told me about this!” Clara exclaimed. 

John laughed at her reaction and thinking back on that time in his daughter’s life. “I think she was embarrassed, once she grew out of it. I'm actually surprised that I have this one photo and she would kill me if she knew I told you, so you can’t tell her you know.” 

“I won’t, but my god that’s good. I wonder if David knows?” 

“He doesn’t. Jenny made me promise to never tell him.” 

“Wow, I feel honoured that you told me.” Clara smiled and John was relieved to see that he was able to change her mood. 

“Yes, well you just brought it out of me. I blame those damn inflating eyes of yours.” John had no idea why he had just said that; the words left his mouth as soon as they entered his mind. 

“My inflating eyes?” Clara questioned, curious that John had thought about her eyes. 

“Yes,” he smiled shyly. “They change size depending on your mood.” 

What the hell was he doing?! It was like his mouth and brain were working against him and not allowing him to get control of his thoughts before they came out of his gob. 

“You’ve noticed that?” This was just getting more and more interesting. “Do tell.” 

“Well I’ve only noticed how big they get when you’re angry and when you’re sad. Kind of hard not to notice, honestly.” He really kept digging this hole bigger and bigger and needed to find a way out. 

“Sad? When was I sad?” 

“Just now, when you said about being envious of River and Jenny’s relationship. You were clearly thinking of your own mum.” 

Clara hadn’t thought she was that obvious, but clearly John had picked up on it. She wondered if he was always this observant or if it was because it was her. 

“It happens from time to time, but thank you for distracting me.” 

“Any time,” he smiled. 

They stared at each other for a moment until Clara changed the subject and asked John about work. He opened up to her about developments that were happening, which was something he didn’t do with a lot of people. River had always been his confidante and since she had been gone, he really didn’t like to talk about his business with many people. But once again, Clara just made him open up in ways that he hadn’t in a long time. The two talked as if they were old friends and it was becoming clear that their awkwardness was subsiding. They probably could have continued talking, but at one-point John yawned and that made Clara look at the time. 

“My god John, it’s 1 AM there. You need to get to bed.” 

John looked at the time and realised she was right. They had been talking for two hours. “I hadn’t even noticed, but you’re right. I should get my beauty sleep.” 

“Oh, I don’t think you need much of that,” Clara said, the wine clearly taking over control of her mouth. 

John wasn’t sure what to make of her comment, but decided to just laugh it off. “Ha, not likely. So Saturday then, for your first lesson?” 

“Sounds good. I look forward to seeing what song you choose and what you think of the band.” 

“Me too,” he smiled. “I just hope I don’t think they’re shite.” 

“I don’t think you will,” she replied. 

“Alright, so I'll talk to you later.” 

“Goodnight, John.” 

“Goodnight, Clara.” 

The two ended their video call at the same time, both smiling like crazy teenagers. There was no way Clara was going to be able to think of anything else other than this call for the rest of the night and John was heading off to bed feeling something he hadn’t felt in a very long time, uplifted. Neither really knew what to make of their conversation, but both knew one thing for certain that this was the start of something good. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't thank everyone enough for the feedback I've been getting with this story. I'm so happy that people are enjoying it and that the slow burn isn't driving you all crazy. We're getting to something good, I promise. Now let's see where these two take us today.

John sat at his desk working on a report while listening to the band Clara had mentioned the night before. He had been listening on the tube during his commute and then all day in his office, in an effort to find a song to teach Clara. He didn’t have much time to find something as Saturday was only a few days away and he needed to learn whatever song he chose first. Luckily, he had really liked what he had heard so far and it was making the task a little easier, accept he couldn’t narrow down what song he wanted to use. There were a couple that seemed pretty easy, but there was one in particular that he was really drawn to because it reminded him of Clara. A knock came to his door bringing him out of his thoughts. 

“Hey boss. Got a second?” Jerry asked as he stood in the doorway of John’s office. 

Jerry was John’s top salesman, who had been with John’s company for about ten years. He had even made the move from Glasgow to London, when John had decided to move the business. 

“Sure,” John answered. “What’s up?” 

Jerry stepped inside and sat across from John at his desk. 

“I like this,” Jerry said indicating the music John was listening too. “Who is this?” 

“Oh, it’s Blue Rodeo, a Canadian band.” John reached for his speaker and turned the volume down. 

“That’s funny, I came in here to talk to you about Cyber Canucks. I was just on a call with them and they brought up the North American deal. Sounds like they’re very interested and want to meet, but aren’t sure if they should come here or you there for the initial meeting.” 

John thought for a moment, knowing that it would be beneficial for their director to come here, but he also wanted to get a look at their offices and see how they ran things there. It would also mean he could see Clara again since their head office was in Toronto. 

“I think it’s best if I go there first. Gives me the upper hand,” John said. 

“That’s what I thought. They’re hoping to arrange something in a couple of weeks, so shall I get back to them or do you want to?” 

“I can do it, but thanks for offering. I'll give them a call now.” 

Jerry left John to make his call and once John got off the phone he debated about picking up his mobile and texting Clara to tell her he would be coming over again, but then decided he would wait and tell her on Saturday. For some reason he wanted to see her expression when he told her. 

\-------- 

Clara had tried her best to keep herself busy all morning, trying hard to not think about her first guitar lesson with John later. She had cleaned every crevasse in her house, gone grocery shopping, did laundry, and had just gotten off a call with Jenny. She didn’t saying anything to her about her call with John; instead waiting to see if Jenny brought it up, but she never did. It made her wonder if John didn’t tell his daughter either and in which case, she didn’t want to be the one to bring it up. Not that there was anything wrong with what they were doing, but she felt like if John wanted Jenny to know he would have told her and she would have mentioned it. 

John had messaged Clara the day before to ask if they could meet at 8 his time, 3 o’clock hers. He had been practicing the song he chose pretty much non stop, but had wanted a little more time to get the chords down pat before he tried teaching them to Clara. He had no idea what she would be like as a student, but he suspected she would catch on quickly, especially because the song was fairly simple. He had just sat at his couch and opened his laptop when Clara’s video call came in. 

“Hi,” he said, as he saw her smiling face. She looked happy and he could she was excited to start their lesson. 

“Hi,” she replied. “How are you?” 

“Good. No complaints here. Yourself?” 

“Same. Eager to find out what you thought of the band.” 

“Oh, I liked them. Quite a bit actually. I like the two different lead vocals that give it a bluesy country feel.” 

“Me too. So what song did you choose?” 

“Well it was hard to decide, but I thought a slower song might be easier to start with; for both you and me,” he grinned at her. He reached next to him and picked up his guitar. “Here, I'll play for you and you tell me if this is any good.” John strummed a couple of chords to test the tuning, but mostly to take a couple of calming breaths. 

Once, he started playing Clara immediately recognized the song as ‘Lost Together', the song that actually drew her into the band and probably one of their most popular songs. She was happy that he chose this one because it had very quickly become her favourite and the one she had been hoping he would choose. She smiled watching him stare down at his hands strumming the strings, knowing how difficult it was for him to take this step. She could see that he wasn’t entirely confident, but she was proud that he was making the effort. He reached the first verse of the song and just as Clara began to hear the lyrics in her head, she heard them quietly coming from John. 

_Strange and beautiful_   
_Are the stars tonight_   
_That dance around your head_   
_In your eyes I see that perfect world_   
_I hope that doesn't sound too weird_

_And I want all the world to know_   
_That your love's all I need_   
_All that I need_   
_And if we're lost_   
_Then we are lost together_   
_Yea if we're lost_   
_Then we are lost together_

Clara could hardly believe that he was singing, that he would share that with her seemed unreal. She knew he was likely doing it on an unconscious level, but the moment just made her heart flutter more. Just like everything else about him, he also had a really sexy singing voice and she needed to control the heart eyes she was sure to be giving the camera. 

“John, that was great,” Clara said, once he stopped just after the chorus. 

“Hardly, but thanks,” he responded bashfully. “You ready to learn this?” 

“Absolutely.” 

Clara picked up her guitar and the pair spent the next hour going over the different positions for the chords. Clara was picking it all up quickly and John was a better teacher than he likely thought he was. It wasn’t long before Clara had mastered the opening and was ready to move on to the first verse, but she was in need of a break since her hands and fingers were starting to get sore. 

“I think that might be all I can do today,” she said as she laid her guitar down next to her on the floor and started stretching her fingers. 

“Yes, you’re going to likely be sore for a couple of days, but you did really well, Clara.” 

“Thanks,” she smiled proud of herself. “And thank you for the lesson.” 

“You’re very welcome. Perhaps the next one could be in person.” 

Clara’s heart started beating quickly at the thought of seeing John again. “Really? When?” 

John thought he heard excitement in her voice and it made him feel good to think that she was happy about the idea. “Next week. I fly in on Wednesday for a two day meeting, but I’m staying until Sunday.” 

“Than yes, I would love for our next lesson to be in person. Are you free for dinner Thursday? I could make you dinner as a thank you for the lessons.” 

John liked the idea, but knew he was likely going to have to keep himself available for a business dinner. 

“I can’t, but I could do Wednesday.” 

“That works too. You want to come to mine at say six.” 

“Sounds good,” John smiled and was suddenly very much looking forward to his trip. 

The two chatted some more about John’s work and Clara became hopeful that this trip might lead to more trips if all went well with the Toronto company. None of this was helping her get over her crush, but she didn’t care as long as she got to spend time with him. 

\------------ 

Clara was sitting in her cubical going through her emails, still on a high from her weekend call with John and knowing she would be seeing him soon. She had started thinking about their dinner on Wednesday and then hoping that she would be able to spend more time with him again on Saturday, and then that was when it hit her, she had tickets to see Blue Rodeo with Michelle. She wondered if there might be away to get out of it, but the truth was she wished she was going with John and knew there was no way she could ask Michelle for her ticket, since she was the one that got her into them. 

“Hey you,” Michelle said as she appeared over the short wall of Clara’s cubicle. “Good weekend?” 

“It was, you?” 

“Meh, nothing exciting. Just the usual with Gary.” 

Clara swiveled in her chair and thought maybe now was the time to ask about the concert. Perhaps just get a feel for how Michelle might feel about it. 

“Hey, would Gary want to take my ticket for Blue Rodeo?” 

“What? Why?” 

“I just found out a friend from London is going to be in town and just thought that if you’d rather go with Gary, then he could take my ticket and I could see about getting another pair for my friend and I.” 

Michelle stared at he suspiciously and Clara knew this wasn’t going to be as easy as she had thought. 

“What friend?” 

“Just a friend.” 

Again Michelle glared at Clara with her eyes half closed and her forehead pursed, almost as if she were trying to read Clara’s mind. 

“A silver fox type friend?” 

Clara looked away from her friend’s stare. “Why do you think it’s him?” 

“Because you’re not denying it.” 

“And what if it were?” 

“If it were, I would say you can have my ticket but only under one condition.” 

“What?” Clara asked as she looked back at her friend, intrigued by her offer. She and Michelle had really good seats and she’d much rather experience the show with John up close than all the way in the back on the lawn. 

“You admit to me that you like him and you treat this concert as a date.” 

God Michelle was infuriating. 

“There is nothing to admit.” 

“Fine, then I guess you two will enjoy the show from afar.” 

Clara didn’t want that. She wanted the seats she and Michelle had, knowing that John would enjoy himself so much more. She took a deep breath and just as Michelle was about to walk away, Clara stopped her. 

“Wait.” 

Michelle turned, but didn’t say anything as she looked at Clara. 

“You’re right,” Clara whispered, hating to admit it out loud. “I do like him, but I can’t date him.” 

Michelle moved back towards the cubicle, but moved around the corner and entered it, pulling a nearby chair over to sit next to Clara. 

“Why not?” 

“You know why. It would kill Jenny if that happened.” 

“And what about you? Don’t you deserve to be happy? Doesn’t John?” 

“Of course, but not at the expense of hurting someone I love. Besides you’re also assuming that he feels the same.” 

“I’m pretty sure he does. I think you’re a couple of idiots that are letting his daughter interfere with both of yours happiness.” 

Clara didn’t say anything but just looked at her friend wishing it could be as simple as she was making it sound. 

“What if Jenny weren’t the reason you met? Would you be hesitating at taking things to the next step?” 

“Not likely,” Clara said quietly. 

“Then don’t let that stop you. Don’t you want to know what it feels like to have him wrap his arms around you, to hold his hand while walking down the street, to kiss his lips goodnight?” 

Clara gave a long sigh, thinking of those things. “Yes.” 

“Then take my ticket and just see where the night goes. Put Jenny out of your mind and focus on him, just him. Do what you would normally do on a first date and see how he responds. Be the Clara I know, adventurous and nothing can stop her from getting what she wants.” 

Clara thought about what Michelle said. Maybe there would be no harm in testing the waters. If she knew where John’s feelings were than maybe that would help her get over her crush. She could do this. But there was another issue. 

“I’m not sure. It’s not just Jenny that’s the problem.” 

“Don’t say his age, because I swear to God I will slap you if you do.” 

“No. His wife. He’s still grieving, Michelle.” 

“Because he hasn’t met someone to take his mind off of her. You can be that person, Clara. In fact, I think you have been, but you just don’t see it. Look, I'll transfer you my ticket. You take it and show him a good time,” Michelle said as Clara quirked her head sideways giving her friend a warning look. “Not like that. I mean have fun, but if it leads to the two of you having sex, even better.” 

“Okay. I will take your ticket, but I'm not making promises as to what will happen. I'll do my best to see if I can gauge where his feelings are at, but that is all because hurting him or Jenny is the last thing I would ever want to do.” 

“Good,” Michelle smiled at her friend and stood. “I'm just happy that you have finally admitted your feelings.” 

Michelle walked off leaving Clara to debate whether she really could do this. She did like John and the more time she was spending with him, the more her feelings were growing, but she just couldn’t see a world where Jenny would ever be okay with this. But then she started thinking about the things that Michelle had said about feeling John’s arms around her, being as close to him as she was the night they had danced at Jenny’s and David’s wedding. She longed to be that close to him again. The question was, did he want that too? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I used in this chapter is one of my all time favourites. If you'd like to check it out you can find the video here... [Lost Together](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAnJw9Ctqkc)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a long chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy it!

John was just finishing packing his suitcase when he heard his front door open and the sound of his daughter yelling her arrival. He closed his bag and went to greet his unexpected visitor. 

“Hi honey,” he said as he came down the stairs. “To what do I owe the visit?” 

“What? I can’t stop in to see my dad?” Jenny questioned him in return as she hugged him. 

“Of course, you can, I'm just surprised to see you, is all.” 

“Well, David’s going to be late, so I thought I’d pop in to see you before you fly out tomorrow.” 

“I appreciate that. You want anything?” John asked as he walked towards the kitchen. 

“Tea would be nice.” 

Jenny followed her dad into the kitchen and sat at the island while John put the kettle on and started preparing the cups. 

“So, how long are you going to be gone for?” Jenny asked. 

“I fly back on Sunday,” John answered. 

“Why not Friday night or Saturday?” 

“I don’t know. I guess I thought I’d make a little trip of it, since I'm flying all that way.” 

Jenny nodded, “Do you want me to see if Clara’s free to take you sight-seeing again?” 

John realised he hadn’t really told Jenny he’d been talking to Clara quite a bit since his last trip to Toronto and clearly neither had Clara. There was a little voice that was telling him not to, but he didn’t like keeping things from his daughter. There was nothing wrong with what he and Clara were doing; they had become friends and there was no reason to really keep it from Jenny. 

“Actually, that’s okay. I’ve already talked to her.” 

“You have?” Jenny questioned, sounding slightly confused. 

“Yeah,” John said as he took a box of Jammie Dodgers out of the pantry and started placing them on a plate. “Why do you sound surprised?” 

“I guess because I had no idea you two talked.” 

John could hear a bit of annoyance in her voice and that made him feel bothered that Jenny might have a problem with him being friends with Clara. 

“Is it okay if we did? You were the one who wanted her to spend time with me the last time I was in Toronto.” 

“It’s fine, I just didn’t know you were keeping in touch with her.” 

“Sorry, I just didn’t think to tell you,” John answered. “I guess I’ve just started thinking of her as my friend and not just yours.” 

Jenny eyed him and he knew that she wasn’t happy about this. 

“Honey, it’s really nothing to be angry about.” 

“I’m not angry,” she answered. “I'm just not sure why, if this is nothing, you both didn’t tell me.” 

“We weren’t intentionally keeping it from you. I think that we both just started seeing each other as individuals and not connected to you. I swear to you Jenny, Clara is nothing more than a friend.” 

John walked over to sit next to his daughter. 

“Look, if you want, I won’t see her while I'm in Toronto.” 

“No, dad, I don’t want that. I was just taken aback that my father and my best friend have apparently become beasties without me knowing.” 

“Oh, for Pete’s sake, we’re not besties. She’s a very nice person and despite you thinking I'm boring, she and I have things in common to talk about. Not to mention if this deal goes through, I'm going to need to take more trips to Toronto and it would be nice to have a friend there.” 

“I guess it would be. Exactly how much have you talked to her?” 

The kettle began to whistle, so John got up to get it. 

“Not often. I saw her for coffee when she was home and then I’ve video chatted with her a couple of times for guitar lessons.” 

“Guitar lessons? You’re teaching her how to play? You haven’t played in years.” 

“I know,” John replied as he was pouring the hot water into the cups. “But she asked after I helped her buy it on our day out in Toronto and I thought it might be a good way to get back into playing and help someone out at the same time.” 

“And how’s it going?” 

“Good. I’ve been playing a little each day and it’s getting easier.” 

Jenny nodded and the pair changed the subject to talk about Jenny’s job and David’s. She stayed for a couple of hours, until she got a text from David saying he was home. 

“Have a safe trip,” Jenny said as she hugged her dad. 

“I will. I'll call you when I'm back and tell David I say hello.” 

They ended their hug and John watched his daughter walk away, before he pulled out his phone. He knew his daughter well enough to know that she would be calling Clara to interrogate her and he wanted to give her a heads up. 

“Hi,” he heard her voice through his mobile. The sound instantly brought a smile to his face. 

“Hi,” he answered. “I hope I'm not bothering you.” 

“Not at all. I just finished work and was heading to the grocery store. Your trip didn’t get cancelled, did it?” 

He thought he heard a hint of disappointment in her voice. 

“No, I'm still coming, but I wanted to let you know that Jenny knows we’ve been talking.” 

“Okay, is that a problem?” 

“Not with me, but I think she was a little hurt to find out that we’ve gotten closer without her really knowing. She felt like we were intentionally keeping it from her, but I told her it wasn’t like that. I think she just felt left out.” 

“Ahh, I knew I should have mentioned it to her sooner.” 

“I blame myself. I never thought about telling her because honestly, I’ve stopped thinking of you as her friend.” 

Clara smiled, thinking that John didn’t associate the two girls together because that meant he likely saw her as more of an equal. 

“Yeah, same here.” 

John smiled, happy that Clara saw him as a friend as well. 

“Anyway, she’s okay now, but I have a feeling she’s going to call you once she gets home. I just wanted to prepare you for that.” 

“That’s sweet. Thank you.” 

“Just another example that I'm not a total arse all the time.” 

“I haven’t seen you that way since we first met. You're actually one of the kindest men I know, and now I can add sweetest to the list as well.” 

“Yeah? What other adjectives do you have on that list?” 

“Well that’s for me to know and for you to find out,” Clara said. 

“Challenge accepted, Ms. Oswald. I know a thing or two about getting information from people.” 

Clara wasn’t sure, but it almost sounded like they were flirting. This gave her hope that things would go really well over the next few days and she was even more excited about his visit. 

“Oh, we’ll see,” Clara answered, just as her phoned beeped in her ear indicating an incoming call. “Hey, I’ve got another call, which is likely Jenny. So, I'll see you tomorrow?” 

“Absolutely, can’t wait.” 

Clara smiled and ended her call to answer the next one. 

“Hey, you!” Clara answered the phone knowing it was Jenny. 

“Hey, you busy?” Jenny asked on the other end. 

“No, just grocery shopping. What’s up?” 

Clara braced herself for whatever Jenny was about to say. 

“So, I just came from my dad’s and he tells me that you two have gotten quite close.” 

Clara was now very glad that John had called her because she knew that John hadn’t worded it that way to Jenny, but instead Jenny blowing things up in her mind. 

“Well I wouldn’t say close. We’ve chatted a few times and he’s offered to help me learn guitar.” 

“And why didn’t you tell me?” 

Clara could hear the hurt in Jenny’s voice and it pained her to think that something she did had made her friend feel bad. 

“I'm sorry. I didn’t really think it was a big deal. You were the one who was happy I was spending the day with him the last time he was here. I didn’t intentionally try to keep it from you,” Clara sincerely apologised. 

“I know. That’s what dad said too,” Jenny sighed. “I guess I was just surprised. I mean it is kind of weird too, don’t you think.” 

“No,” Clara answered. “Well maybe in the beginning, but once I started seeing him for the person he is, no. We actually have a lot in common and when you really think about it, it makes sense that we would become friends. You and he are a lot alike and you and I became friends instantly.” 

“I suppose.” 

Silence came between the two and Clara knew there was something else bothering her friend. 

“What else is it? I know you well enough that I can tell something else is bothering you.” 

“That you do. I guess it’s just that he’s teaching you how to play the guitar. I’ve been trying to get him to play again and he kept refusing, but you somehow suddenly got him to do it.” 

“Aww Jenny, I'm sorry. I don’t think he started playing because of me.” Clara knew she needed to tread lightly when it came to this subject now. “I didn’t know that he hadn’t played since your mum died until he told me, at which point I told him to forget I asked about lessons, but he thought it might be the push he needed to try. It was still a couple of weeks before he was able to actually do it and he wouldn’t have if he wasn’t ready. Isn’t it more important that he’s playing again and not how he started?” 

“Yeah,” Jenny answered quietly. 

“I know that you want to take care of him Jenny, but you can’t always. You and he may have lost the same person, but she meant different things to both of you. You have both helped each other grieve, but you can’t always be the one to do it. Just like I’ve helped you with things that your dad couldn’t, maybe I can help him with things you can’t.” 

“You’re right. I think my only child is showing and I got jealous. You've been the best support for me and if you can help him begin to live again, then good. Just please keep me a part of it, deal.” 

“Deal, now I need to finish grocery shopping because I’m having your dad over for dinner tomorrow.” 

“Okay, thanks for looking out for him.” 

Clara ended her call and finished her shopping all while thinking of her conversation with Jenny. There was no way she could think about John the way she had been because if Jenny felt this way with them just being friends, it would kill her if they were more. Nope, she definitely had to push those thoughts out of her mind. 

\---------- 

John got out of his Uber in front of Clara’s place, with a bottle of red wine in hand and anxious to see the small brunette. He had hoped that Jenny wasn’t too hard on Clara, but he hadn’t had a chance to talk to her to find out. The last thing he wanted was for Jenny to have ruined his new friendship. He walked up the steps to her front door and rang the doorbell waiting patiently for it to open. 

Clara skipped lunch so she could leave work an hour earlier and get home to make dinner. She had spent most of the night and most of her day trying to think of how she could overcome her feelings for John and the only answer she kept coming up with was that she had to constantly remind herself that he was Jenny’s dad, even though she didn’t want to think of him like that, she really had no choice. She was just putting the chicken in the oven, when she heard her doorbell. She went to answer it and just before opening the door took a deep breath, trying to focus on her new mantra. However, the second she turned the knob and pulled the wooden structure open, she forgot what she was supposed to be focusing on. John looked as gorgeous as ever, wearing dark coloured jeans, a white skull graphic t-shirt underneath a black blazer that fit him perfectly. His hair had a little product in it, giving definition to his soft curls and he finished it all off with his glasses. It was taking all the power she had to not throw her arms around him and pull him inside. 

“Hi,” she finally managed to squeak out. “Come in.” 

John stepped inside and turned to watch Clara close the door. 

“I brought you this,” he said as he handed her a bottle of wine from back home. 

“My favourite,” she said as she took it from him. “How did you know?” 

She walked past him and into the living room, John following behind her. 

“It’s Jenny’s favourite, so I took a chance that it might be yours as well.” 

Damn it, he had to go and mention her name, bringing Jenny back into her thoughts. 

“Well good guess. Do you want a glass? I have another bottle that’s already opened that we could start with.” 

“Sounds good.” 

Clara walked off towards the kitchen and John stayed behind, looking around her flat. It was very quaint, with a couple of bookshelves, full of books and pictures. She had a small grey suede couch and a matching chair on one side and on the other a small dining room table. Her television was on a wall opposite her couch and sat between two doors, one which was likely her bedroom and the other her washroom. He hadn’t really taken in her place the last time he was here, and now he could see that this place had a very comfortable homey feeling to it. 

“Casing the joint?” Clara teased as she came back in and handed him a glass of wine. 

“Just admiring your flat. It’s very lovely.” 

“Thanks, I like it.” 

They each took a drink and Clara took a seat in the chair, leaving John the couch to sit on. 

“So, your flight was okay?” Clara asked. 

“It was.” 

An awkward silence slipped between that they hadn’t had since they first met and John began to wonder what exactly Jenny had said to Clara. 

“So how did it go with Jenny?” 

“Oh fine.” 

John waited to see if Clara was going to say more, but she didn’t. 

“Okay, what did she say to you? Did she tell you to stop talking to me?” 

“No of course not,” Clara answered. “Why would you think that?” 

“Because we haven’t had this kind of awkward silence since the last time I was here and that was because Jenny was on our minds.” 

Clara didn’t want things to be weird between them, but he was right. 

“I'm sorry. She was just really hurt and I hate that I made her feel that way.” 

“I know, me too, but we aren’t doing anything wrong, Clara.” 

“I know that, but she was really hurt that you started playing guitar again after she had asked you to numerous times. She feels like you did it for me.” 

“Oh,” John said quietly. He hadn’t thought about the numerous times Jenny had been trying to get him to play again. Quite honestly, he had forgotten all about it. But what could he say; Jenny was right. “I hadn’t thought about that.” 

“I guess both of us haven’t really thought of her, but maybe we should.” 

John stared down into his wine glass, letting Clara’s words roll around in his head. Maybe she was right, but things had been going so well and he didn’t want to lose the new friend he had found. 

“No,” John finally said as he looked up and into Clara’s sad eyes. 

“Pardon?” Clara wasn’t sure what John meant. 

“No, we shouldn’t think of her. I'm a grown man who can be friends with whomever I want. Just because we happened to meet because of her, shouldn’t mean that we need to put her first.” 

He did have a point and Jenny did seem okay by the end of their conversation, maybe she had just been over thinking everything. They were just friends and Jenny would have to learn to deal with that. 

“You’re right, can we start tonight over?” 

“Yes, no more talk of Jenny and we forget she even exists.” 

“I’m sure she’d be thrilled to hear her dad say that,” Clara chuckled. 

John smiled at Clara, which eased the tension. “Okay, don’t tell her that.” 

They both laughed and Clara started to feel more at ease again. 

“So, moving on. I have a surprise for you,” Clara said. 

“Really?” John sounded shocked. “Did you learn the rest of the song and I don’t have to teach you anymore?” 

“No,” she laughed. “And you’re not getting out of my in-person lesson after we eat, mister.” 

“Fine. What is it?” 

“I have two tickets to see Blue Rodeo on Saturday night and I was hoping you could come.” 

“Really?” He said again, this time sounding a little less surprised and more excited. 

“Really. As luck would have it, my friend that was going to come with me can’t now, so it’s all yours if you want.” 

“Yes, that sounds fun.” 

“It will be. They do this show every summer and it’s always a good night.” 

They started talking about Saturday and soon all thoughts of Jenny were gone. The conversation began to flow and it wasn’t long before dinner was ready and the pair were sitting at Clara’s table enjoying the delicious meal she had prepared. 

“This really beats having dinner at the hotel,” John said just before he put a fork full of chicken into his mouth. 

“Where are you staying?” Clara asked. 

“At the Royal York again. It’s not too far from Cyber Canucks’ office and I liked it the last time I was here.” 

“That’s good,” Clara said as she took a sip of her wine. “So, this meeting tomorrow is important?” 

“It is. It would mean a partnership between the two companies and away for us to expand even further into the North American market.” 

“Well I wish you the best of luck.” 

“Thanks, it’s pretty much a done deal, but I just wanted to check out their offices here and see how they operate.” 

John finished the last bite of his food and pushed his plate forward. 

“Do you want more?” Clara asked. 

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly. Thank you very much.” 

“You’re welcome,” Clara said as she stood, taking her plate and then reaching for John’s. She carried them both into the kitchen and then appeared again in the doorway. 

“Do you want dessert? I don’t really have anything, but there’s a little gelato place up the street we could go to.” 

“That sounds nice, but I am way too full. Maybe we could check it out another time.” 

Clara smiled at the thought that John was thinking about spending more time with her. 

“Where’s your guitar?” John asked. 

“In my room. I'll go grab it.” 

John watched her walk across the room and open the door to the right of the TV. He caught a glimpse of her bedroom, but not much before Clara was back out carrying her guitar. 

“So how do you want to do this?” She said as she sat back down in her dining room chair that was now turned and pulled away from the table. 

John shifted his chair to be in front of her. “Why don’t you play what you’ve learned so far.” 

Clara lifted the instrument to position it in her arms and took a deep breath, closing her eyes to try and remember the chords. She fumbled a bit, but managed to remember most of the opening and was surprised that she had been able to do that. When she finished, she opened her eyes and saw John smiling at her with pride. 

“Not perfect, but I did practice a little since our call,” she said. 

“That was great. You ready to learn the next part?” 

“I am.” 

“Okay let me see this,” John said as he took the guitar from her. “I need to remember it myself.” 

John started playing the song as if he had been playing it his entire life. Clara was mesmerized watching his hands move and his slender fingers plucking each string. She couldn’t stop her mind from wandering to thoughts of his hands slowly sliding down her bare arms towards her hands then intertwining their fingers to bring up towards his soft lips. 

“Okay, I think I got it now,” John said bringing Clara out of her day dream. 

He handed her back the guitar, which Clara took and put her hands in what she thought were the proper positions. 

“No, you need to put your middle finger on the second string and your third finger on the fourth.” 

Clara did as she was told and moved her fingers. 

“Okay, now move it down a fret.” 

Again, she moved her hand. 

“No, a little lower,” John reached out and moved her hand to where he wanted it, but Clara could tell he wasn’t liking instructing her this way. 

“This is kind of hard, when I don’t have a guitar to show you. Do you mind if I come behind you?” 

“No,” Clara answered. 

John stood and moved to stand behind her. Clara wasn't sure what he was going to do until she felt him lean over her placing his hands over hers. He was so close that Clara could smell the same cologne she smelt when she danced with him. Her heart started beating faster and she suddenly found it difficult to swallow. 

John didn’t know what he was thinking doing this but it was the only way he could think to help her. As he leaned closer to her he could smell the subtle fragrance of vanilla and coconut coming from what he assumed was her hair. He began to move her hands, positioning them where they needed to be. 

“Okay, now strum,” he said. 

She did and then he moved her hands again. 

“Once more.” 

She strummed again. 

He repeated this four more times, and each time Clara could feel the breath from his voice tickle her neck. She wanted to know what it would feel like to have his lips press against it, to feel his tongue taste her soft skin as his hands moved over her body. 

“Now put those moves together.” Clara heard him say and she gave her head a quick shake trying to clear the vivid image she had just put there. 

“Right, okay.” 

John moved back around to sit in front of her and Clara took a deep breath trying to remember what John had just showed her, but she was having a really difficult time. She stared down at her hands trying to will them to do the right thing as she slowly strummed from one chord to the next. 

“That’s it,” John encouraged her. “Now just a little faster.” 

Clara picked up the pace and looked up at John, smiling once she had her confidence back. She played the song again from the beginning and even attempted to go a few chords further than what John had shown her. 

“I think you're a natural,” John said as he smiled at her. 

“I think it's because I have a good teacher.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, until John yawned and broke the moment. 

“Sorry,” he said. “I think my jet-lag has just hit me.” 

He looked at his watch and saw that it was ten o’clock and that he should likely get back to the hotel to get some rest before his meeting the next day. 

“I hate to be a party pooper, but my old body is telling me I need to go to bed.” 

“You know,” Clara said as she put her guitar down. “You're not that old and you really need to stop saying you are.” 

“Well when I'm around you I certainly don't feel that old. 

“Guess that means you need to be around me more.” 

“Well maybe we can see each other again before Saturday,” John said. “I'm not entirely sure what my schedule is going to be like the next two nights, but maybe we could get a drink at that bar you mentioned before, that’s in my hotel.” 

“The Library Bar, and yes, I’d like that.” 

John stood and took his mobile out of his pocket to order an Uber, and then walked towards the front door with Clara to wait. 

“Thanks again for dinner.” 

“You’re welcome. Thanks for the lesson.” 

“Any time. Perhaps we'll make it through the whole song next time.” 

“Hope so. Maybe I'll be inspired after the concert.” 

“I'm really looking forward to that,” John said. “I can't remember the last time I went to a show.” 

“I think you're really going to enjoy it.” 

John saw a car turn onto Clara’s street and slow down, so he knew that was likely his ride. 

“Okay, I gotta go, but I'll let you know about that drink.” 

“Sounds good,” Clara smiled at him as he opened the door. She wanted to hug him, but he was almost already out the door. 

They said their goodbyes and John waved at her as he was about to get into the car. Once he was inside, he gave a long sigh almost as if he had been holding his breath. He may have left rather abruptly, but he had too because while he had been watching Clara play her guitar, a feeling overcame him and it was one that he hadn’t had in a very long time. In fact, he hadn’t had it since he met River and had even thought he would never feel it again. But here it was like a giant slap in the face, he liked Clara and he liked her a lot. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait on this chapter. I've gotten a new job and the stress of going back to work after being off for 6 months has had me not writing as much. Now that I'm almost done the next chapter, I thought it was time to update this one. Hope you guys like it!

“Do you want to go for dinner?” Michelle asked Clara as she appeared at her desk, bag in hand and ready to start her weekend.

It was Friday and Clara had only heard from John once, the day before ,  when he texted to say that he wouldn’t be able to meet for a drink. She was disappointed, but knew that she still had Saturday to look forward to.

"I don’t know.”

“Oh come on. You can’t spend your Friday night pining away for a man that you are never going to be with because you’re too afraid to make a move.”

Clara had told Michelle about her dinner with John, as well as her phone call with Jenny. Michelle still believe d  that Clara should throw caution to the wind, but Clara told her that it was looking more and more less likely she would do that.

“I’m not pining, I have a lot of work to finish.”

“No you don’t. I know that you just finished your edit an hour ago and you’ve been staring at your phone hoping John will text.”

Clara glared at Michelle. She hated how well she knew her.

“Fine. Dinner, but that’s it.”

“Great. Get your stuff and let’s go.”

\--------------

John had finished his last meeting with the group from Cyber Canucks and wonder if maybe he should call Clara to see if  she wanted to have dinner. After Wednesday night he had thought that maybe he should put some distance between them, but the reality was he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He knew he shouldn’t be having feelings for her, but there was just something about her that kept drawing him in. She had a beauty ,  both inside and out , that he just wanted to be around  and he wanted nothing more than to see her again before tomorrow. There had to be a way for him to be friends with her while  not thinking of her as anything more . He had to for the sake of his relationship with his daughter, but also for the sake of his friendship with Clara . She had become important to him and he didn’t want to lose her because of the fondness he had for a woman he shouldn’t be attracted to.

“John, thanks again for coming all this way to meet with us ,” Perry, the CEO of Cyber Canucks said as he approached John at the lift.

“Thank you for the hospitality,” John replied. “I think this is going to be a great partnership. ”

“Me too. It’s rare that I meet a fellow businessman who has similar values to mine. This can be a rather cut throat industry , so to have an  ally like you across the pond is good.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

The lift arrived and both men got in.

“Do you have plans for dinner?” Perry asked.

“No, not really, ” John responded.

“Well , my wife and kids have gone out of town for the weekend. I was just going to go home and probably order a pizza, but would much rather get to know you outside of the office over a couple of steaks.”

John had really hoped to see Clara, but felt like this would be a good opportunity to learn more about Perry. Besides he was going to see her tomorrow and it was likely best to  not spend too much time alone with her .

“Sure, that sounds great ,” John answered.

\--------

“Thanks for the distraction,” Clara said as she and Michelle paid their bill.

“Any time. But I still think you need to nip this thing in the bud . ”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I'm going to go home, have a long hot bath and focus on how to keep my feelings in check while at the concert tomorrow.”

“I know a way you can keep them in check ,” Michelle said and Clara gave her a quizzical look. “Come have a drink with me, Gary and his friend  Tyler.”

“Michelle,” Clara drew her name out in annoyance. “ I’ve been over this a thousand times. I'm not looking for a fix up or a one night stand.”

“Come on Clara. Just one drink to meet the guy. If you’re not going to do anything about your feelings for John, then at least see if a handsome, well built, man can distract you.”

“No.”

“I promise I won’t make any comments, just see where things go naturally. One martini at the Library Bar and then you can go home to your bath and pinning. ”

“Did you say Library Bar?”

“Yes, that’s where they are and I know how much you love their cocktails. ”

Clara knew she should say no, but knowing that was where John was staying was temptation enough for her.

“Okay, one drink ,” she finally agreed.

\-------

“Perry you didn’t need to pay for dinner,” John said as the two men stepped out into the night and onto the busy street of Queen West.

“You and I both know it’s a tax right off, but I want ed  to show my thanks. I tell you what, why don’t we finish this meal off with a drink and you can pay . Your hotel has a great little cocktail bar in it , if you haven’t tried it yet.”

“That’s what I hear,” John answered. He had wanted to try it with Clara, but it looked like he wasn’t going to be able to get out of this night with his new business partner.

“So you haven’t tried it?”

“Not yet.” 

“Well that settles it ,” Perry said as he hailed a nearby cab. “We're going.”

\----------

Clara and Michelle entered the lobby of the Royal York, where Clara instantly started looking around to see if by chance she could see John, but of course he wasn’t hanging out in the lobby. They walked  through, towards the  left, and up a few steps  to the bar where they were greeted by the  host, who escorted them into where Gary and Tyler were sitting near the back .

“Hey babe,” Michelle said as she gave Gary a quick kiss on the cheek and sat next to him, leaving Clara to sit next to  Tyler. “You remember Clara .”

“Of course, ” Gary said. “Clara this is Tyler.”

“Hi,” the dark haired man said as he smiled at her.

“Hi,” she said in return.

A server came over to take the girls' drink  order s and immediately after leaving Michelle took over the conversation, grilling poor Tyler about his  life’s story. Clara knew she was only doing it because Michelle knew that she wouldn’t, which was true. Tyler was ruggedly handsome , with brown hair, a nicely groomed beard and chocolate  coloured eyes, but Clara really wasn’t in the mood to get to know him. All she wanted was a martini and a chance run in with John.

\----------

John and Perry walked into the bar and were sat at a small table near the entrance. John liked the bar as it instantly reminded him of a library you might find in a swanky mansion back home with dark mahogany  wood walls and winged back chairs at some of the tables. There was a classy intimacy  to this place and he was really starting to wish he was here with Clara. A server came over and both men order a  top shelf scotch .

“This is a nice place,” John said as he looked around more.

“Yeah, I don’t get here often, but I do like to bring the odd client here for lunch  sometimes.”

Just as John was about to look back at Perry, he spotted a woman in the back that he thought looked like Clara. He wasn’t entirely sure because she had her back to him, but his heart let him know with a little flip, that he thought it was.

“It would be a nice place for that. I bet the food is good here too.” John said glancing back over at the table at the back while Perry answered him. The woman was sitting next to a man and across from a couple and the more he looked the more he started to think he recognized the auburn haired woman as Clara’s friend.

“That was the last time, I was here,” Perry said as he finished his story, which John had completely missed .

“Well I'm glad that we got the chance to come here,” John said, trying to deflect the fact that he wasn’t paying attention.

He needed to focus and stop thinking about Clara , but it was hard when he was about ninety percent sure that the woman  across the room  was  her and it looked like she was on a double date. She had never mentioned dating anyone and he started to wonder if this was a first date or something that had been going on for  a while. Regardless, he  shouldn’t  be thinking about that  right  now.

\------------

“So you work with Michelle,” Tyler said to Clara, trying to make small talk.

“I do. What about you? How do you know Gary?” Clara asked, not really caring, but not wanting to appear rude.

“From university. We met during Frosh week when we pledged the same fraternity at U of T .”

“Oh what a week that was,” Gary added and the two men laughed clearly remembering an inside joke from that time.

Clara stared at her martini, wishing she could just down the rest of her drink, so she could go home. It was a stupid idea for her to think that she would run into John here and a complete waste of her time. Tyler started asking her more questions about where she was from and how she ended up in Toronto, to which Clara was polite and answered, but she really didn’t want to play this game.

\-----------

John kept glancing over and it looked like the woman was having a good time, nodding her head and talking with the man next to her. What if this was a date and it went well, would Clara want to take this guy to the concert tomorrow and not him? She hadn’t mentioned being busy when he saw her on Wednesday, but maybe she didn’t want to tell him about her love life. He knew he had no right to ask about it, but now he really wanted to know what was going on, not that anything was happening or could happen between them, but if Clara got a boyfriend maybe that would change their friendship.

“So who’s the person over there you keep looking at?” Perry asked, bring John out of his thoughts.

“Pardon,” John said.

“There’s clearly someone over there that has caught your eye. I would say a pretty woman, but I can see that you’re married and I would hope that you weren’t thinking of doing something you might regret later,” Perry said glancing at John’s hand, bringing John’s eyes to his wedding ring.

“Oh no, nothing like that,” John stated. “I’m a widower, actually.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Perry apologised. “I had no idea.”

“It’s okay. It’s not something I talk about when it comes to business, but I see how you would think that.”

John didn’t think much about his ring anymore. It had been a part of him for  such a long that he forgot he had it on most of the time. He started twisting it on his hand as he glanced back over at the table with the foursome.

“So then is it a woman who’s caught your eye? Because I can finish this and take off, if you want?”

“God no, it’s not like that at all. I just think I see a friend back there, but I’m not entirely sure.”

“Oh a friend from back home? That’s a weird coincidence ,  if it is.”

“Not really. She lives here,” John said. 

“ That’s nice that you have a friend here ,” Perry said.

“It is,” John said .

“Do you want to go say hi?”

“No,” John answered shaking his head. “Looks like she might be on a  date and I don’t want to interrupt.”

\----------

“ You know there’s a new arcade bar that opened up not far from here. Do you guys  wanna go and check it out?” Gary asked 

“Sounds fun, ” Tyler answered. “ What do you think, Clara?”

Clara had no desire to continue this night any further or to spend any more time making small talk.

“I'm kind of tired, so I think I ’m just going to head home. Besides, video games aren’t really my thing.”

“It’ll be fun, come on ,” Michelle added.

Clara glared at her trying to get her to stop. Michelle may have been able to convince her to come this far in their night, but this was definitely where it was ending. Gary waved the server over and asked for the bill, saying that he would get the groups drinks. Once he finished paying  they all stood to leave and as soon as Clara turned her heart skipped a beat when  she spotted John sitting at a table with another man. He was in the middle of talking when he turned his head and his eyes locked  with hers. Clara gave him a smile and a slight wave, which he returned . The group made their way towards the exit, when Clara told them she was going to go say hi to John . She thanked Gary for the drink and told Michelle she’d see her Monday. Tyler told her it was nice to meet her, which she said the same just out of politeness. The other three left and Clara made her way over to John’s table.

“ Hi,” she said as she approached.

“Hi,” John replied with a smile. “What a surprise seeing you here.”

“Yeah, it was kind of an impromptu thing. I'm glad to see you’re finally trying this bar.”

“Aye, Perry suggested it. Oh I'm sorry, Clara this is Perry from Cyber Canucks. Perry this is my friend Clara.

“Nice to meet you,” Perry said as he extended his hand. 

“You as well,” she replied as she shook it. “ Sorry to interrupt , but I just wanted to  stop and say hi .”

“Oh, that’s okay . Y ou’re not interrupting at all. In fact, I should probably get  going ,”  Perry said as he  finished the rest of his drink. “ Why don’t you take my seat .”

“Is that okay with you?” Clara asked John.

“Sure, but isn’t your date waiting  for you?” John asked and Clara wasn’t sure, but she almost caught a bit of disdain in John’s voice.

“John, thank you for a nice evening,” Perry said as he stood.  “It was a pleasure getting to know you better and I look forward to my trip to London.”

“Yes, likewise,” John said as he stood to shake  Perry’s hand and to say goodbye.

Once the other man was gone, both Clara and John sat back down .

“You don’t need to sit with me, Clara .” John said as he downed what little  of his drink he had left.

“I thought maybe we could have that drink you mentioned on Wednesday,” she answered, wondering why it seemed like John was  angry.

“We could, but what about the people you were sitting with?”

“They left. I was heading home when I came to say hello.”

“Bad date, then?” John really wanted to find out who  the guy was that was sitting next to her, but didn’t want to flat out ask.

“Not a date,” Clara said.

“Really, because it looked like it from here.”

Clara wasn’t entirely sure, but it almost sounded like John was jealous. Why would he feel that way, unless he felt the same way  Clara felt about him. She may have had just enough alcohol in her system to try and test the waters.

“Really, not a date.”

The server came by the table and John ordered another scotch, while Clara  ordered a  Manhattan . John still wanted to find out more about Clara’s night, wanting to know if she was interested in the man that was with her.

“ So why not a date? That guy looked like he was a handsome young man. ”

“Because I'm not interested in men like that,” Clara said.

“Oh, and what kind of men are you interested in ?” John asked,  clearly his drinks were making him drop his guard as he was walking down a path he shouldn’t likely be going.

“Not young men, that’s for sure .”

“ So if not young, older?” John asked  quirking an eyebrow at her.

“I’ve never dated anyone my own age. Well once, bow tie guy, but that’s it.”

“How much older have these men been?” John couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Could there be a chance that she was interested in him?

“I think the biggest age difference  was about twenty years. ”

“Twenty? How old were you at the time ?”

“I was twenty. He was one of my lectures at  uni. ”

“You’re kidding?”

“No, I'm not.”

The server brought their drinks over and once he was gone, the pair  clinked glasses and  then each took a sip.

“I don’t think you're as innocent as I  thought you were. ”

“I can be bad when I want to be,” Clara answered as she took another drink but locked eyes with John. They were quickly crossing over into dangerous territory and she was starting to wonder how far this could go.

“ I don't doubt that for a second,” John replied, wondering where  this was all leading. 

Clara liked the  flirting that seemed to be happening, but she knew she needed to tone it back. This wasn’t an area they should be in and as much as Clara wanted to find out  what John looked like out of his shirt , tonight wasn’t going to be that night. Or any night for that matter.

“What about you?” Clara asked.

“What about me?” John asked in return.

“ What type of guy were you in uni? I bet you liked to play the bad boy rocker. ”

John smiled and gave a low laugh. “No,  not me.”

“Really?”

“Really. Sorry to disappoint, but I was the romantic type. Fell in love, got married and had a kid all before I was  25. ”

“That doesn’t  disappoint ,” Clara said. “That’s really sweet and amazing.”

“Amazing? What’s so amazing about being a boring family man?”

“I'm 31 and I am just now kind of figuring out what I want, career wise. Relationship wise is a whole other story. Sometimes I think I'll never find the person I'm supposed to be with and here you are having already lived  it . You knew you wanted to be with River, have a family,  and  start a business . ”

“Well it wasn’t quite as simple as that,  but I suppose. ”

“Of course it wasn’t, but my point is that you didn’t need to date a bunch of women to find the one. Lightening struck for you right off the bat.”

“ That it did. ” John said  softly , remembering how he felt when he first met River.

Clara brought her drink up to her lips and took a sip. This conversation had been going in a good direction, but now she had clearly made John think of his wife, which was definitely something she didn’t want to do.

“You'll find that man one day Clara,” John said, trying to reassure her after seeing her look change. “You’re a very smart, kind, and charming woman.”

Clara smiled shyly  at him .  “Thank you. You’re too kind. ”

“I only speak the truth,”  John stated and Clara could here the sincerity in his  voice.

“ We certainly have come a long way since we first met,” Clara said.

“ I was very wrong, back then and I'm glad that you’ve come into my life, Clara. ” John  took a drink from his scotch. 

“Me too,” Clara answered, giving him that infectious smile he had come to adore.

John wasn’t entirely sure what was happening between the two of them , but he knew that his feelings for Clara were growing with each encounter he had with her. It may have been a long time since his heart had felt this way,  and it certainly felt like Clara might be feeling the same. However, there was no way this could go beyond the friendship that they had made. He needed to remind himself of that.

“You’ve become a really good friend and I don’t  ever want that to change,” he said, needing to hear it out loud.

His words brought Clara back to reality . He was a really good friend and that’s all it was going to be. It didn’t matter what may have been happening  between them tonight, they were friends and she had to be content with it only being that.

“I feel the same,” Clara replied  with a slight smile, but John couldn’t help but notice her eyes that looked sad.

“So what’s the plan for tomorrow?” John asked, wanting to change the subject and bring back the happiness he loved  to see .

“Well, the gates open at 7, but I thought we might go down earlier and check out the Ex.”

“I don’t know what that is, but I'm up for anything.”

“ It’s the Canadian Exhibition; kind of like a  giant fair . ” Clara chuckled. “ We can get in for free with our ticket to the concert.”

“Even better. Do you want me to meet you somewhere? ”

“Why don’t you just come to my place around 2 and we can go from there. ”

John agreed and they chatted a little bit more as Clara  asked him how his meetings went and he told her how it looked like  the partnership was a done deal, so overall this had been a very successful trip . They finished their drinks, John paid and the two made their way back out to the lobby to say goodbye.

“Thanks for the drink,” Clara said, as they stopped where they needed to part ways.

“You’re very welcome. I'm glad that we finally got to have it. ”

“Me too. ”

Clara wanted to hug him, but thought given the turn their conversation had taken maybe it was best not to, so she just wished him a good night and made her way to the subway station. She had had a good time with him, but couldn’t help wondering if John was also fighting feelings the same as her.

John watched Clara walk off and then went to wait for the lift. This whole thing was crazy. He shouldn’t have these kind of feelings for her  and couldn’t help but wonder what River would be thinking of him now . God he missed her, but if he were being honest with himself, he hadn’t been thinking about her nearly as much as he had been. He was starting to see that it was possible to  be happy despite her not being by his side and for that he really had Clara to thank for.

John  got in the  lift and rode it up to the 10 th floor where his room was. Once he stepped inside he took his blazer off, toed off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed taking his wallet out of his back pocket. He  opened it and took out the small photo he carried of River , and ran his finger over the glossy picture.

_ “John, you need to face reality,” River said _ _ as she slowly sat up in bed and stared at her husband standing at the foot. _

_ “I refuse to think about that. We’re going to beat this River _ _.” _

_ “W _ _ e _ _ need to think  _ _ about what if we don't _ _.” _

_ “No,” John said firmly as he turned from his wife. “I can’t do this without you.” _

_ “ _ _ Yes you can. You have to _ _ , for Jenny.” _

_ John sighed, his shoulders slumping forward _ _. He had never felt so defeated in his life. _

_ “Sweetie, come here,” River said as she patted the empty spot next to her on the bed. _

_ John turned and laid down next to his wife, laying his head in her lap, while she started stroking his hair. He should be taking care of her, but here she was taking care of him. _

_ “I can’t live without you _ _ ,” he whispered. _

_ “You can and you will.” _

_ “Why are you giving up?” He asked. _

_ “I am not giving up John Smith. I will never give up,” she stated sternly. “But I can’t pretend that it’s all going to be okay, and I need to prepare you for the worst.” _

_ They laid there in silence, both not wanting to say the truth out loud. _

_ “I love you more than anything in this world _ _ ,” River eventually said. “And I know that you feel the same. _ _ But I need you to make a promise to me.” _

_ “What?” John asked. _

_ “I need you to find love again. _ _ ” _

_ “No, River,” John said as he sat up and looked her in the eyes. _

_ “ _ _ Listen to me. You're not an old man and you have a lot of life left to live and I want you to find someone to share that with _ _.” River turned and placed her hand on his chest  _ _ over _ _ his heart _ _. “You have such a big heart John, and I know you can find room in there for another person. _ _ ” _

_ “I can’t promise you that. I just can’t.” _ _ John shook his head, lifting her hand off his chest and bringing it to his lips. _

_ “Please, Johnny.” She was  _ _ one of _ __ _ only two people _ _ he let call him that  _ _ and using that name meant that this was something important to her. _

_ “How can I? _ _ There is no one else out there that I could ever love the way I love you. _ _ ” _

_ River took her hand and ran it down the side of his face. _

_ “I know it’s hard for you to imagine, but in time and when you are least expecting it, some woman will come along that will make you begin to forget this pain. _ _ ” _

_ “No there won’t. I will never forget  _ _ this and _ _ I will never stop loving you _ _. _ __ _ H _ _ ow can I love two women at once _ _ when my _ _ heart belongs to you and only you. _ _ ” _

John shook his head , bringing himself out of his memory and  lifting his hand up to wipe the tears that  were rolling down his cheek . He would love River until the day he died, but for the first time since that conversation he understood what she was getting at. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that the woman River was talking about  w ould be someone  nearly half his age and his daughter’s best friend. He had never felt so conflicted in his entire life. He slipped Rivers photo back into his wallet and tossed it  onto the nearby desk. He walked into the bathroom, pulling his shirt out of his trousers and unbuttoning it as he went.  He looked at himself in the mirror and wondered what could someone as beautiful as Clara see in him anyway. Somewhere along the road his youthful reflection of a man with long curly brown hair, striking cheek bones and piercing blue grey eyes, had been replaced with this older man, with the same eyes, but surrounded by wrinkles and  more grey than brown hair. He had no idea what to do about his emotions, but he knew that in a couple of days he’d be back in London, so instead of  thinking about it now, he just wanted to focus on a nice day out with Clara and once he was back home and back to reality, he’d worry about it all then.


	13. Chapter 13

Clara had no idea what she should wear. It was late August and although it could be warm during the day, it was going to get cool at night, especially at an outdoor concert near the lake. She was rummaging through her closet trying to decide when she glanced across her room and saw the time on her alarm clock. She needed to find something soon because John was going to be there in fifteen minutes. 

John called an Uber and was waiting for it to arrive. He looked down at himself and hoped what he was wearing would be fine. It was a warm day, so he opted for a grey Paul Smith graphic tee and jeans, but was carrying a light black hoody because Clara told him it could get cold at night. He was feeling somewhat nervous about today, sure that he had psyched himself out last night by overthinking everything. It was just two friends hanging out, that was all. His Uber arrived and as he gotin, his mobile rang. 

“Hello,” he said answering it without looking to see who it was. 

“Hey mate! What are ya up to,” Jamie’s voice rang out from the other end. 

“Oh hey,” John said, surprised to hear from his friend. “I just got in an Uber.” 

“Going out or heading home? I was going to see if you wanted to grab a pint.” 

“Might be hard to do since I'm in Canada,” John replied. “But how about when I get back.” 

“Canada? You in Toronto again?” 

“I am.” 

“Going to see Clara by any chance?” 

Maybe Jamie could help put his mind at ease if he opened up a little to him. 

“I am actually. We’re going to a concert tonight.” 

“That sounds fun. Well, I won't keep you then,” Jamie said as he was about to hang up. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got some time until I’m at her place.” John wanted to chat some more, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell Jamie about his revaluation he had during this trip. 

“Going to pick a lass up for a concert, it’s like you’re 20 all over again.” 

“This is crazy, right?” John said. 

“What’s crazy? Having a social life?” 

“No, I mean, spending time with someone who’s so much younger than me,” John said. 

“What’s wrong with that? You said you and she get a long really well.” 

“Yeah, we do.” 

“So then who cares what anyone thinks about you two hanging out. If she makes you happy and you have fun, that’s all that matters,” Jamie encouraged him. 

“I suppose you’re right.” 

“Look, I know you better than anyone I know and you’re likely overthinking this whole situation. Just go out today, relax and have fun. The only two people I want you to think about are her and yourself, no one else deserves the time, okay?” 

“Yeah, good idea.” 

John was so glad that Jamie had called because he really did put his mind at ease. Today was just about having fun and to not think about anything or anyone else. He chatted more with Jamie until the Uber turned down Clara’s street, but before saying goodbye the two men agreed to meet for a pint on Wednesday after work. 

Clara was just pulling her black crewneck tee over her head when she heard her doorbell. She pulled it down and went out to answer the door. 

“Hi,” she said, noting John’s casual appearance. “Come on in.” 

She walked back in towards the living room, John closing the door and following her. 

“I still need to put my makeup on,” Clara said as she stepped into her bathroom. 

“You don’t already have it on?” John questioned, as he took a seat on the couch. 

“Can’t you tell?” 

“Guess you just have a natural beauty,” John said, without thinking what that could imply. 

Clara smiled as she was applying some eyeshadow. She had been feeling nervous that things might be awkward between them after last night, but his comment put her at ease. She finished putting the rest of her look together and stepped out of the washroom. 

“All done,” she said. “I just need to grab my bag.” 

Clara disappeared into her room and came back out with a messenger bag hanging across her body and a black cardigan in her hand. 

“Do you want to put your hoody in my bag?” Clara asked as she was stuffing her sweater inside it. 

“That would be great, thanks.” John handed it to her as he stood up. “I hate carrying stuff.” 

“Me too. I like to have my hands free. So how do you want to get down there? We could take a cab or the very crowded streetcar.” 

“Well when you put it like that, cab it is,” he said. 

Clara chuckled as she put her converse on. “Wise choice.” 

Clara opened her bag to check for her wallet, mobile, sunglass and tickets, all of which were there inside. She picked her keys up off the hall table and the duo made their way out to the street to find a cab. 

“So you’ve never told me how much I owe you for the ticket,” John said as they got into a taxi. 

“Oh don’t worry about it. Consider this my treat and a thank you for the guitar lessons.” 

John tilted his head at Clara and gave her a look that said he wasn’t sure about her proposition. 

“You already thanked me with dinner,” he answered. 

“Okay then, consider it a nice thing.” 

John sighed, knowing Clara wasn't going to tell him or let him pay her back. “Well, thank you then, but now it’s my turn to do a nice thing and you're not paying for anything today.” 

“I feel like if I disagree, this could go back and forth until we get to the Ex, so I'm just going to say thank you.” Clara flashed him a grin and he smiled and nodded. 

“It was a pleasure doing business with you,” John said. “So what is there to do at this Ex?” 

“A lot. There's carnival rides, games, live music, crazy food, and shopping.” 

“Define crazy food?” John asked. 

“I read that they have something called a Snickle dog, which is a hot dog wrapped inside a tortilla with pickles and a Snickers bar, all deep fried.” 

“That sounds disgusting,” John replied. 

“Agreed, but they do have a lot of other weird, but less disgusting options,” Clara chuckled. 

The two chatted more about what they were going to do and once they arrived at the main entrance Clara took John straight through towards the midway. 

“This place looks huge,” John said as they were walking through crowds of people. 

“Yeah, it’s one of the major events in the city, that a lot of people look forward to every year. At first, I didn’t really understand the appeal, but I’ve been coming every year since I moved here and kind of understand why now.” 

“That’s nice that you’ve started to make traditions.” 

“I suppose it is. I hadn’t really thought of it before. You hungry?” Clara asked feeling her stomach grumble and remembering she hadn’t had lunch. 

“I am.” 

“Okay, let’s make our way to the food pavilion.” 

The pair maneuvered through the busy midway, stopping occasionally to watch someone trying to win a giant stuffed dog, or to watch people screaming on a spinning ride. Eventually they found themselves in front of a building that definitely smelt like food. As they stepped inside, it looked like a massive food court, with just about every option of food a person could want. 

“What are you in the mood for?” Clara asked, as they looked around. 

“I'm not sure. Any recommendations?” 

Clara thought for a moment. “Have you tried poutine?” 

“What’s that?” 

“Chips, gravy and cheese curds. It's one of the few dishes Canada can claim as their own.” 

“That sounds interesting,” John said. “I may just have to try that.” 

Clara and John walked around to check out the different kiosks and were amazed at the variety of choices, most of which sounded like a heart attack on a plate. After completing one lap of the building, to see what there was, they found an open spot at one of the many crowded tables and thought they should grab it while John went and got their food. Clara was sure she would be waiting by herself for a while, so she took out her phone and sent a text to Michelle. 

**_Clara: Thanks again for the ticket. I owe you._ **

She checked her email while she waited for her friend to message her back. Michelle was attached to her mobile, so she knew she wouldn’t have to wait long. Sure enough, her phone began to ring. 

“Hey, I can’t talk long,” Clara said. 

“I just want to know what happened after we left you,” Michelle answered. 

“Nothing. We had a drink and then I went home.” 

“You’re so infuriating.” 

“Hey, what do you want from me? I wasn’t about to go with him to his hotel room.” 

“I know, but maybe a kiss or something.” 

“Well if it’s any consolation, I think he may have been jealous because he thought I was on a date.” 

“Now we’re getting somewhere. Speaking of which, where are you?” 

“At the Ex. John just went to get us food, which is why I don’t have long.” 

“Well I won’t keep you. Enjoy your date!” 

“It’s not a...” 

Clara didn’t get to finish her sentence before Michelle ended their call. She really was trying hard to not think of this as a date, but with John offering to pay for their entire outing, it sure as hell made it feel that way. She looked off to where he was standing in line and again wished that their whole situation was different, but she couldn’t be thinking that and just needed to keep reminding herself that he was a friend and you don’t lust after your friends. 

“This place is so busy,” John said, as he returned a short time later and placed their food on the table in front of Clara. 

“I know, its always like this. So what did you get?” 

“I decided to try the pulled pork poutine and you the butter chicken poutine, as requested.” 

John sat down across from Clara and took his container to start eating. Clara watched with eager anticipation to see what he thought of the Canadian delicacy. 

“This is good,” he said as he finished his bite. 

“Maybe not the healthiest choice,” Clara added as she started eating her dish. “But oh so tasty. You should try this.” 

She pushed her take away container towards John who didn't hesitate at taking a forkful. 

“Hmmm, that is really good. You wanna try this?” 

Clara took a bite of his dish and also liked it as much as hers, so they took turns sharing each other's food, but eating rather quickly as the crowd was starting to grow. Once they finished, they went back outside and walked around taking in all the different sights and sounds of the carnival atmosphere. Both couldn’t help but enjoy the moment being surrounded by so many happy people, but also getting to know each other a little more. Clara learned that John enjoyed amusement parks, but hadn’t been since Jenny was young and despite having a fear of heights, he loved roller coasters. She knew they didn’t have much time now because the lines were busy, but she suggested they try some of the rides after the concert. John liked that idea since he wasn’t sure when he would have another opportunity again. 

“Have to say, I’m really excited about hearing live music tonight,” John said as they walking across to bridge that connected the Ex to the stage where the concert was going to be. 

“When was the last time you were at a show?” 

“I honestly can’t remember.” 

“Well I’m glad that I can be the one to take you to your first show in forever.” Clara smiled at him. “I think you’re really going to like this.” 

“I think so too. From what I’ve listened to, I really like them.” 

They reached the gates and stood in line waiting to get in and John couldn’t help but notice the age of the crowd. He was fully expecting to stand out like a sore thumb with his grey hair, but a lot of people looked to be about the same age as him, if not older. 

“Uhm, how old are the guys in the band?” John asked Clara, not having looked them up or read anything about them. 

“The two lead singers are in the early 60s. Why?” 

“No reason, I’m just surprised to see that I’m not the oldest one here.” 

Clara shook her head at him. “You really need to get past your age. You are not that old.” 

“Yes, boss,” John bashfully smiled at her and Clara couldn’t help but find it completely adorable. 

“This group has been around since the 80s and drawn in people of all ages, as you can see.” 

John looked around more and saw that she was right; there were young and old people here, which immediately put him at ease even more than he was already feeling. 

“I guess I should have actually researched this band more,” he said. 

“How did you not find any information about them when you were searching for a song?” 

“I just looked for a song on Spotify. I didn’t even bother to look and see what they looked like.” 

Clara pulled out her mobile and started to search for a photo on the internet. A few seconds later she was turning her phone towards John. 

“This is what they look like, just so you know.” She teased him. 

“You think you’re so funny,” he answered as he snatched her phone from her to look at the picture. “They’re a good-looking group of guys, for some old men.” 

“Yeah, especially Jim Cuddy,” she answered without really thinking, as she tried to grab her phone back, but John pulled it away from her and quirked an eyebrow at her. “Not so fast. Which one is he?” 

“Why don’t you guess if you think you’re so clever.” 

John examined the picture and after a bit of thought pointed at the taller, skinny man in the middle with greying hair. Clara affirmed his answer by nodding her head and taking her phone back from him. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you have a soft spot for older men,” John said. 

“No I was not.” 

The line started to move which caused the teasing to stop between them. Once they were inside, John bought them each an overpriced beer and they made their way to their seats to see the opening band. As they entered the amphitheater, John was impressed as they kept walking closer and closer to the front of the stage. He realised that Clara had never told him where their seats were and he naturally assumed they would be somewhere in the middle. What he wasn’t expecting was to be escorted to the centre of the front row. 

“Clara, these seats are amazing!” He exclaimed. “How on Earth did you get these?” 

“Just lucky,” she answered. 

“Well maybe you need to play the lottery, because I would imagine it’s really hard to get tickets like these.” 

“It can be, but I joined their mailing list, which means I get early access to seats.” 

“You’re more of a fan then I took you to be,” John remarked. 

“Maybe a bit,” Clara said shyly. 

The opening band took the stage and the two stopped talking while they listened to the music. They were another Canadian band that Clara hadn’t heard much of, but she liked what she was hearing. She glanced to her right and saw that John was bobbing his head in beat with the music, so she assumed he must be enjoying it as well. 

“You like them?” Clara yelled towards John, who couldn’t hear her very well, so she leaned in towards him and repeated what she had said. 

“I do,” he answered as he leaned closer to her too. “What about you?” 

“Yeah.” 

She went back to looking at the stage and leaning away from him because the scent of his cologne was too much for her. Things had been going really well, so far and she needed to keep it that way. She had been able to think of him purely as a friend and not have too many inappropriate thoughts about him, but just now she could help, but want to snuggle in closer to take in more of his intoxicating scent. 

When the band finished John asked Clara if she wanted another beer. She agreed, but wanted to use the washroom before Blue Rodeo took the stage. The pair made their way back out to the concessions, where John waited in line to get drinks and Clara waited in the long line for the ladies' room. The line took forever to move, but eventually she made it inside and back out again where John was waiting nearby. They still had some time before the band went on, so they went to a quiet area where they could look out over the lake. 

“You know I can see the appeal of this city,” John said. 

“Really?” 

“Sure. You seem surprised.” 

“I guess because most people I know from back home are always trying to get me to move back and questioning why I would want to stay here.” 

“It’s probably just because they miss you.” John assured her. “I know when Jenny left for London, River and I hoped she’d move back to Glasgow one day, but deep down knew she likely wouldn’t.” 

“I know that’s likely the case and I miss everyone very much as well, but I just feel like this is where I need to be. I can’t really explain it.” 

“You don’t need to explain it to me. I moved to London because I felt like I needed to be closer to Jenny and David. It was a hard decision to make, especially because me leaving Glasgow meant I was moving my business and potentially putting some people out of work. It’s not what I wanted to do, but I had to ultimately do what was right for me.” 

“Didn’t you feel selfish?” Clara questioned. “Because that’s certainly how I’ve felt sometimes.” 

“Yes, but sometimes you need to put yourself ahead of others.” 

“And how did the people in your company take the news when you told them?” 

“Some were obviously not happy, but a couple of people decided to make the move with me.” John looked out over the water. “I did my best to try and help those that I could, but I learned from that, that you can’t always make everyone happy and ultimately need to do what’s best for you.” 

He turned and looked back at Clara and was almost taken aback by the look she was giving him. She had the most caring look in her eyes and the slightest of smiles on her face, that made his heart melt. Her beauty was really striking and even more so standing here near the water with the setting sun. 

“You’re happy here, Clara, that is very obvious. So stop worry about everyone back home and live the life you want to live. Besides, as I said, I can see why you like here, it’s a great city that doesn’t feel as crowded as London feels.” 

“That’s one reason for sure,” Clara smiled at him. “Should we head back?” 

“Let’s.” 

John instinctively put his hand at the small of Clara’s back as they made their way through the crowd. He wasn’t even really aware that he had done it, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Clara. They made it back to their seats just in time for the band to hit the stage and as soon as the first few notes were played the audience was on their feet. Clara couldn’t help but sway and sing along to the song as she knew most of their catalogue by heart and John couldn’t help but smile at seeing her face light up watching her favourite band. As the band played on and moved from one song to the next, John could see just how much Clara really enjoyed their music; she was constantly moving and singing her heart out which he just loved to watch and found to be incredibly infectious. It was hard to not get into the music and admire the different guitar and piano solos, all of which had him bobbing his head and moving to the beat just as much as the petite girl next to him. He couldn’t believe how much fun he was having and how he really didn’t want this night to end, but he knew eventually the band would finish. After about an hour and a half, the two lead singers moved towards the front of the stage and the crowd cheered, obviously knowing what was about to happen. 

“This is where they let the audience start the song,” Clara said as she leaned over to John to fill him in. 

And almost on cue, the people around him and all throughout the venue started singing, as the band played. John took out his phone for the first time that night and started recording because it just felt amazing to see all these strangers come together to sing a song that they all knew and loved so much. He spun his camera around and then stopped on Clara who sang right to him with such a look of pure joy on her face, that he was glad to have caught it on video. Her delight was so infectious that he stopped his video and joined in as best as he could. The band eventually took over singing again, but it didn’t stop the crowd from continuing. John couldn’t remember the last time he had had this much fun or had felt so alive and he really owed it all to Clara. 

The band ended their song, saying thanks and goodnight, but the audience cheered knowing that they would be back out on the stage again. Sure enough, they returned and started playing a few more songs before it became clear that they were about to play the final song of the night. It didn’t take long for him to recognize the chords as the ones he had been teaching Clara to play. Without really thinking he moved a little closer to her and leaned down to start singing the song along with her. 

_Strange and beautiful are the stars tonight_

_That dance around your head_

_In your eyes I see that perfect world_

_I hope that doesn’t sound too weird_

_And I want all the world to know_

_That your love is all that I need_

He suddenly found himself loving this song even more than he already had and every time he heard it, he would forever be reminded of Clara and this night. He had been able to keep his feelings for her at bay most of the night, but right now he was fighting the urge to pull her into him and sway together to the music. It wasn’t long before the song was over and the band was walking off the stage again, leaving John feeling sad that the night was coming to an end. 

“What did you think?” Clara asked as they slowly started shuffling towards the exit. 

“I loved it. Thank you so much for bringing me.” 

“You’re very welcome. I’m really glad that you enjoyed it.” She smiled at him. 

“How could I not, that was an amazing show,” John exclaimed. 

“It was really good. I think it was one of the best I’ve seen,” Clara stated. 

They moved along with the massive amount of people and once they got out of the stage area, they still needed to make their way to exit of the outdoor venue, but now there seemed to be even more people. 

“This is the fun part of the night,” Clara said. “It’s a real bottle neck trying to get out of here.” 

There was a group of people in front of them that didn’t seem to be moving at all and Clara was starting to get slightly annoyed at their disregard for people wanting to get out. She looked to the left and saw a narrow gap that she knew they could likely push their way through, so without thinking, she grabbed John’s hand and pulled him towards the space and past the group, but once they were by, she didn’t let go. John hadn’t been expecting her to do that, but was happy she had because it felt nice to hold her tiny hand in his. They continued making their way through the crowd and eventually got out and into a wide-open space where Clara decided she should likely let go of his hand because she didn’t want it to come across as being strange. 

“So do you still want to go back to the Ex and ride some rides?” John asked. 

“I think I may have had enough of crowds for the night,” Clara said. 

“I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of with you on that.” As much as John wanted to continue the night it was getting late and he had a flight the next day. “How were you planning on getting home?” 

“I think a cab. Do you want to walk for a bit and get away from this craziness?” 

“That sounds good.” 

They walked and chatted about the concert, reliving the songs that they had enjoyed most and just how great it was to be so close to the stage, which had made them feel more a part of the experience. John really enjoyed Clara’s company and loved that they never had a problem conversing anymore; it really felt like they had known each other forever. Clara didn’t know what she was going to do. All this night had done was solidify her feelings even more for the man walking beside her and it was getting harder and harder to fight it. He was perfect and was exactly the kind of man she didn’t know she had been looking for. 

“Did you want to share a cab,” John asked as they had finally made it up to King Street and away from the massive amounts of people. 

“We’re kind of going in different directions,” Clara said. 

“That’s okay. I want to make sure you get home safely.” Truth was he wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye to her. 

Clara smiled at him, happy for the gesture. “Well I can’t say no to that.” 

They hailed a cab and the closer they got to Clara’s place; the sadder John started to feel. He didn’t want to go back to London not knowing when he would see her again. 

“Any plans to visit Lonon?” John asked. 

“Not likely until Christmas. I have a couple of weeks off so I thought I would go home.” 

“Good,” John replied. “Hopefully we can get together.” 

“I wouldn’t come all that way and not see you,” Clara said. 

They smiled at each other and were pretty silent the rest of the trip. Once the cab pulled up in front of Clara’s, John told the driver to wait as he got out to walk her to the door. 

“Thanks again for a really fun day,” John said as they walked up the stairs of her front porch. 

“Thanks for coming with me,” she returned. “It was great to experience that with someone who had never been before.” 

There was a slight awkward pause between them, both not really sure of how to say goodbye or really wanting to. 

“So, uh, maybe we can pick up the lessons again next week,” Clara finally said. 

“That sounds good.” John smiled at her. 

Clara’s heart was beating super-fast as she felt like John didn’t want to say good night just as much as she didn’t. 

“Did you want to come in?” She asked. “One last drink for the road?” 

John wanted to say yes, but he knew he shouldn’t. 

“I really should get going, but thank you.” 

“Right,” Clara replied. “Well, have a safe flight tomorrow.” 

She took a step towards him and opened her arms to wrap around him. John met her half way as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. It was a hug unlike any they had shared before; this one felt intimate, tighter, like neither of them were going to let go. They slowly started to pull back, and for a brief moment Clara felt the two of them might kiss, but that was just a crazy notion she needed to get out of her head. John carefully stepped away from her, knowing that if he had stayed that close to her for too long, he wouldn’t be able to leave. 

They said their final goodbyes and John walked back to the cab, taking one final look at her before getting in. If he wasn’t sure the trouble he was in before, he was more than convinced now. He had no idea what to do about his feelings and knew that there was so much to risk by actually acting on them. He needed to put some distance between them in hopes of being able to gain some clarity on this whole situation. 

Clara stood on her porch, watching him drive off, feeling both sad and happy at the same time. Once the car was out of view she walked inside and dropped her bag in the hall and then remembered she still had his hoody. She took it out and brought the garment up to her nose where she inhaled and smiled at the scent of this cologne. She hung it on a hook and then went straight to her room, flopping down on her bed. What was she going to do? The more time she spent with him the deeper her feelings were getting despite trying hard to deny it. Maybe she should try dating someone to take her mind off of John, but there was this little voice inside her that told her no, that maybe there was a chance John felt the same as her. She knew that voice was likely wrong, but with each moment she spent with him that voice was getting stronger. Question was, if she listened to it, what cost would it have? 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the positive feedback and love for this story! It really makes me happy to know that so many of you are enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it!

John was sitting in the pub waiting for Jamie to show up, checking his emails on his mobile. He had gotten there a little earlier due to a meeting ending sooner than expected and was happy for the time. He hadn’t had much of a break since he had gotten back from Toronto, so he welcomed a bit of down time. As he was scrolling through his messages he stopped when he saw one from Clara. 

To: [ JohnSmith@tardis.com ](mailto:JohnSmith@tardis.com)

From: [ Coswald@gmail.com ](mailto:Coswald@gmail.com)

Subject: Concert Pictures 

Hey John, 

I hope you’re doing well and are getting over the jet lag you're likely going through. We all know what you're like when you don’t get enough sleep ;) 

I wanted to send you a few shots I had taken at the show, just in case you wanted a reminder that you're not old and are still capable of doing fun things J I had a really good time, so if you’re up to it, maybe we can find another band to see some other time. 

Anyway, thanks again for a great time and we'll chat soon about my next lesson. 

Clara 

P.S You forgot your hoody in my bag, so it's mine now until I see you again. 

John smiled at her note and opened the pictures to look at them. He had forgotten that he saw her snapping a few shots and was now curious to see how they were. Of course she had a few shots of her favourite singer and some of the whole band, but then there was a shot of him, which he wasn’t expecting. He was smiling while watching the stage, which was likely why he hadn’t seen her snap it, that sneaky devil. He thought about emailing her back, but decided to text her instead. 

**John: Thanks for the pictures. They look great!**

He was just about to set his phone down thinking she wouldn’t respond right away, but she did. 

**Clara: I'm so glad you liked them!**

**John: I do.** **You got some good shots. Even the one** **of myself** **looked good.** 😆 

**Clara: Of course it did! You were enjoying the moment and it needed to be captured.** **How was your flight home?**

**John: Good.** **I splurged and got business class, so it makes flying more bearable.**

**Clara: I'm sure the rest of the passengers are thankful for that** 😜 

**John: Smart arse. Lol. But yes it’s best for everyone. So you’re holding my jumper hostage** **?**

**Clara: I am. At least until I see you again.**

**John: I guess it’s yours until Christmas.**

**Clara: I guess so. Unless you come over here again before that.**

**John: Sadly not likely, but you never know.**

**Clara:** **Well I'll keep my fingers crossed that you might** **.**

John smiled at the idea she might actually miss him, but knew he shouldn’t be having that thought. He had spent most if his flight home and the past few days thinking of her and trying to figure out how he could get over these feelings he was having without ruining their friendship. 

**Clara: So any chance we can pick up my lessons again** **?**

**John: Sure. I'm free Saturday** **,** **if** **that works for you.**

**Clara** **: It does.**

**John: Good. So before then I want you to practice.**

**Clara: Homework!** **Gah** **!** **What happens if I don’t do it?**

John smiled again at his phone, trying to think of a witty comeback. 

“What’s got you all happy?” 

John looked up and saw Jamie sliding into the booth, across from him. His friend had startled him and now he wasn’t going to be able to finish his chat with Clara. 

“Nothing,” John answered. 

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” 

“So, I can’t be happy without you being suspicious?” 

“You?! No. For as along as I’ve known you, you’ve been grumpy.” 

“That is not true!” John exclaimed. 

“Well the only time I’ve seen you be less grumpy was when River came into your life.” Jamie tilted his head and eyed him suspiciously. 

“Whatever.” John started to worry about leaving Clara hanging on her question, but knew Jamie would ride him more if he knew who he was chatting with. “Why don’t you go get a pint?” 

“Fine, avoid the topic for now.” 

Jamie slid out again and John picked up his phone. 

**John: Well don’t do it and you'll find out on Saturday.** **I gotta run, but I'll chat with you later.**

John laid his phone down again, and took a swig of his beer. 

**Clara: Hmm, that doesn’t sound** **very** **frightening.** **Maybe I won’t do it, just so I can find out ;)** **Bye for now.**

John smiled again, enjoying this playful side they had taken in their friendship. He laid his phone face down on the table and waited for Jamie to return. He wondered if maybe he should open up to his friend, knowing that when needed, he could hold John’s secrets. Jamie had made him feel better before the concert after all. 

“So, how was your trip to Canada? Everything go okay with your meeting?” Jamie said as he returned and sat across from John. 

“It did. The CEO is a really honest guy who I get a really good feeling about, so I think that I’ve picked the right company to partner with.” 

“That’s great. So what does this mean for you?” 

“It means we can expand further into North America without myself or someone from my team having to travel all over for training. The only travel I'll have to do is to Toronto.” 

“And that’s not so bad now that you know someone there.” 

“I suppose not,” John answered as he looked down at his mobile and took a drink of his pint. 

“How was the concert, by the way?” 

“Good. Turned out I wasn’t the oldest one there.” 

“I knew you wouldn’t be. And Clara had fun too?” 

“She did.” 

“So that’s it? Nothing more to say?” 

John slowly shook his head and stared into his beer glass, hesitating at opening up, mostly because he hadn’t actually said the words out loud. 

“John, you know you can talk to me. I won’t even tell Nancy, if you don’t want me to.” 

John gave a heavy sigh and thought it would likely help if he did talk to Jamie. “It’s stupid, really.” 

“I don’t care how dumb you think it is. Chances are it’s not likely that way at all.” 

“Yeah? Because a 54 year old man being attracted to a 31 year old woman sounds like a pretty bad idea to me. Especially when that woman is his daughter’s best friend.” John downed the rest of his pint and suddenly wished he had ordered something stronger. 

“So you do like her,” Jamie said in a ‘I knew it kind’ of tone. 

“Yes, but it’s not for as long as you think, so you can stop with that tone. It just hit me during this trip and I have no idea what to do about it.” 

“Well you ask her to dinner for starters.” 

“Are you crazy. I can’t do that.” 

“Why not?” 

John stared at Jamie as if he had lost his mind. “Did you miss the part about her being Jenny’s best friend?” 

“I know that, but I think you’ve made this whole thing out to be a bigger issue than it needs to be.” 

“Seriously, did you fall and hit your head on the way here? I was hoping you might give me some practical advice on how I can handle these feelings while still maintaining a friendship with her, but I can see now that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut.” 

“Look, I’m dead serious in what I'm telling you. If you’re interested in this lass than act on it and who gives a shite about all the other stuff.” 

“Life is very simple for you, isn’t it?” John started to slide out of the booth. “Before I continue this talk with you, I need another drink. You want a whiskey?” 

“Only if it’s the good stuff,” Jamie replied. 

John made his way over to the bar where he order two drinks and another pint. He had a feeling he was going to need a little more alcohol to handle the rubbish coming out of Jamie’s gob tonight. There was no way he could ever do what Jamie was suggesting, ever. It would absolutely devastate Jenny and he just couldn’t do that to her. 

“Planning on a bender?” Jamie asked, as John returned with their drinks. 

“Just need something to help wash down the load of shite you’re dealing me.” 

“Will you stop being so dramatic and just hear me out?” 

John took his seat and a sip from his whiskey. “I'm not being dramatic. I'm being realistic. It doesn’t matter what I think or feel, Clara is completely off limits.” 

“Why?” 

“Okay we’re going in circles now. I already told you; Jenny.” 

“Let’s put her aside. What other issues are there?” Jamie asked. 

“Her age and the fact that she lives across the ocean,” John replied, annoyed with his friend’s line of questioning. 

“None of which should matter at this stage in the game. If she’s interested in your wrinkled face and grey hair, then age doesn’t matter. As for the distance, well that’s just geography and geography can change. You really need to start at the beginning here and stop thinking so far ahead.” 

“And what’s the beginning?” 

“How does she feel about you?” 

“I don’t know. I sometimes think maybe she might be interested, but then as quickly as the idea comes, I push it away because it doesn’t help me get past my feelings.” 

“Well a sure fire way to get over it is if she doesn’t feel the same. Look John, stop making excuses and see where she’s at.” 

“I'm not making excuses, Jamie. They are real concerns. I know the pain of losing a spouse too soon and I would never want to put Clara through that.” 

“So you're marrying her now?” 

“Of course not!” John raised his voice, and then quickly lowered it. “Why are you pushing me into this idea?” 

“Because you deserve to be happy and I think that Clara is what you need, but your stubborn arse is preventing you from moving on. I know Jenny wouldn’t be happy about this, but she doesn’t need to know until you know that there’s a relationship worth fighting for.” 

“So you’re telling me to lie to my daughter?” 

“No, I'm telling you it’s none of Jenny’s business. She didn’t tell you about David before she started dating him. You didn’t know he existed until she knew that he was someone important to her. So, it’s not lying it’s just simply not telling her what you’re doing. She doesn’t need to know everything that goes on in your life.” 

John looked down at his drink, letting Jamie’s words bounce around in his head. He had a good point, but it somehow still felt wrong. 

“John, it’s time for you to live again and if you were texting with Clara earlier, I know she’s the person to help you do that.” 

John looked up at his friend and saw just how sincere Jamie was being. It may not have been the advice he was looking for, but he knew there was some truth behind Jamie’s words. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve had this kind of feeling.” 

“Then follow that feeling. You owe it to yourself to see what could come of it.” 

John wasn’t completely convinced, but Jamie had definitely given him a lot to think about. The old friends continued chatting while they finished their drinks, but instead of talking about John they moved on to talk about Jamie and his family. 

Later that night when John got home he found himself sitting in his living room looking at the pictures Clara had taken and then watching the video he had taken from that night. It warmed his heart to see her joy and he realized he missed it. He missed her. 

**John: You know I never pegged you for being a disobedient student.**

He texted her without really thinking about it, which was maybe what he needed to start doing. He put his phone back in his pocket, knowing that Clara would still be at work and went to make some dinner. He still hadn’t had a chance to go shopping since being back, so dinner meant eggs and toast. Once it was ready he sat at his island, ready to dig in when he heard a beep. 

**Clara: I never was, which means** **I'll likely start practicing tonight. I was more of a teacher’s pet and wanted to impress.**

**John: Well you've definitely made an impression on me.** **So your track record remains in tact.**

**Clara:** **Good, I hope** **?**

**John: Of course!**

John thought for a moment about what he wanted to type next. Prior to his talk with Jamie he would have just kept it to himself, but maybe he needed to open up more to her and see what would happen. 

**John: I'm very glad you’ve come into my life, so definitely a good impression :)**

He worried if maybe he crossed a line when he didn’t hear back from her immediately. 

**Clara: I'm very glad you’ve come into mine too :)**

John gave a sigh of relief and smiled at her text. Maybe she was feeling the same as him. He had no idea where to take this conversation next and decided to leave it at this for now. 

**John: Well now that I’ve determined you will indeed practice, I gotta go. That jetlag is hitting me and I have an early meeting.**

**Clara:** **Sleep well and we’ll chat again.**

**John: Night.**

John sighed wondering if he could really do this. Was he really ready to venture down this road and was he willing to take this chance with Clara?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait everyone, but I hope you'll find this chapter was worth it. Again thank you for all the love, you guys are my writing fuel!

John had been feeling slightly more optimistic after texting with Clara on Wednesday night, but he couldn’t help the nagging feeling he had in the back of his mind. He knew Jamie had a very valid point about Jenny not needing to know what he does in his personal life, but he felt like he at least needed to know for sure how she would react to the idea of him dating again. She had hinted at it before, but assumptions were never good to make and he thought it would be better to at least have a conversation about it. But he wasn’t entirely convinced he wanted to do that either, so he decided to spend his Saturday afternoon going for a walk to clear his head before his video call with Clara later. It wasn’t until he had been out for an hour that he realized he was in Jenny and David’s neighbourhood. Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something after all. Staring up at his daughter’s building, he took a deep breath and walked up to the entrance to buzz her flat.

“Hello?” Jenny’s voice came out of the speaker.

“It’s your dad.”

“Come on up.”

The door unlocked and John climbed the stairs up to the young couple’s home, still debating if he could have this conversation with her. They had never really had the kind of relationship where they shared things; that was always River’s thing.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jenny questioned as she opened her door.

“I need a reason to visit my only child?” John asked as be kissed his daughter on the cheek.

“No, I'm just surprised is all. You never drop in like this.”

“I was out for a walk and realised how close I was so I thought I’d come by.”

“Well, I'm glad you did. I was just baking some cookies, so come into the kitchen. You want a cuppa?” Jenny asked.

“That would be nice.”

John followed her and took a seat on a stool at the breakfast bar, while Jenny put the kettle on.

“Where’s David?”

“At a football match with some of the guys. So it’s kind of perfect timing you stopping by.”

“Aye,” John responded, but not saying much else as he was thinking about how to bring up the topic of dating. 

“So, how’s work?” John finally asked, stalling.

“It’s good. Can’t really complain much.”

“Good, and David? How are things with him?”

“About the same for him. He might get a promotion soon, so that would help with us possibly buying a house one day.”

“That’s great, sweetheart!” John said, happily. “You know I told you if you two wanted help, I'm more than willing.”

“We know and appreciate that, but we want to do this on our own.” Jenny took a batch of cookies out of the oven and set them on top of the stove. “So how are things with you? Still feeling jet lagged?”

“No, I'm fine.” Again he said nothing more and Jenny started looking at him oddly.

“You sure you're okay?” She asked as she transferred cookies over to a cooling rack and a couple onto a plate, which she then took and put in front of John.

“Because I feel like there’s something on your mind.”

John reached for one of the chocolate chip cookies, that were still warm to the touch, and took a bite that melted in his mouth. It tasted just the same as River used to make.

“I don’t know. It’s silly really and probably not even worth talking about.”

“Well it must be worth something because it’s clearly got you worried.”

John took a deep breath and knew he needed to pull the band-aid off. “What would you think of me dating?”

As soon as the words left his mouth he felt ridiculous saying it out loud and to his daughter nonetheless. She stared at him, clearly feeling the strangeness of the moment as much as he was.

“It’s stupid, forget I even said it.”

“No, dad. Sorry, I didn’t mean to not say anything. I'm just shocked. Is there someone…”

“No, no, it’s not like that,” John cut her off and lied knowing he couldn’t tell her why this had come up.

“It’s just your Uncle Jamie put the idea in my head and I hadn’t really thought about it, but really, it’s silly, so just forget it.”

“Dad there’s nothing silly about it,” Jenny answered.

“No, really it’s not important so please just forget I even brought it up.”

“I’m not going to do that because if it wasn’t important you wouldn’t have said it,” Jenny replied and moved to sit next to John. “Dad, I'm not a little girl, we can talk about this.”

“I just don’t want you thinking bad of me,” John said quietly.

“Why would I do that? I know that you love mum and will continue to love her until the day you die, but I also know that it can’t be fun being alone.”

“So you’d be okay with it?”

“Sure, but I'll be honest, it won’t likely be an easy transition. It’ll be hard seeing you with someone who isn’t mum, but as long as you’re happy, I'll be happy.”

“Thanks sweetheart, but I don’t think you'll have to worry about it happening because I'm not even sure I want to. Jamie just got me thinking about it and I thought I’d just see what your thoughts are.”

“Well don’t rule it out,” Jenny said as she got up to make tea.

The pair enjoyed the rest of their visit catching up on family and discussing things that were happening in the news. They didn’t talk any more about John’s query and he was relieved. It felt good to get it off his chest and to at least know where Jenny stood, but he still didn’t know if he could actually move beyond wonderment.

“Well I should go, “John said as he stood. “I'm giving Clara another guitar lesson and I need to do some shopping before that.”

“How are her lessons going?” Jenny asked, walking her dad to the door.

“Good. She’s a quick learner.”

“She always was a good student.” 

Jenny hugged her dad goodbye and John made his way home thinking about his video call with Clara, wondering how it would go and feeling excited to see her again, now that he was feeling a little more confident.

\---------

Clara debated about calling Jenny to tell her about her guitar lesson. She knew how mad Jenny was before when she found out and wanted to be open with her friend and not appear to be hiding anything. She had been looking forward to today all week, especially after her last messages with John, and wanted to go into tonight not having a guilty conscience. 

“You must be psychic or something because I was just going to call you,” Jenny said when she answered.

“You were?”

“Yeah. My dad just left here and said he was giving you a lesson tonight.”

“That was actually why I was calling. I hope it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s fine. I told you I’m okay with it, Clara. But I was kind of hoping you might do me a favour?”

“What?” Clara asked.

“My dad asked me today how I would feel about him dating again.”

Clara’s stomach flipped and dropped as the image of John on a date with some other woman flashed in her mind. It caught her off guard and she was even more surprised that John had said anything to Jenny.

“Really?” Clara said. 

“Yeah, but as quickly as he asked he took it back.”

“Why?”

“I think he was afraid that I wasn’t happy because I didn’t say anything right away. But I really do want him to find someone, so I was hoping that maybe you could talk to him about it.”

“What?! I can’t talk to your dad about that.” Clara stated, shocked that Jenny would ask.

“Come on Clara. Please? My Uncle Jamie is already on his case and maybe if another person puts the idea in his head too, he might actually take the idea more seriously.”

“Why are you desperate for your dad to start dating?” Clara asked. She knew that Jenny wanted her dad to not be alone, but the idea of wanting to force him into it was preposterous to her.

“Don’t say anything to him, but there’s this woman that David works with who we both think might be a good match for him. She’s a widow, around the same age as dad, likes to travel, and we just thought maybe they might hit it off if we got them together, but I knew dad wasn’t keen on this idea, but now that I know the thought has entered his mind, we could actually put this plan into motion.”

This was the last thing that Clara wanted. She didn’t want John dating some other woman; she wanted him dating her. 

“I don’t know Jenny. Your dad and I don’t really talk about things like that.”

“I’m just putting the idea out there. If you can find a way of fitting it into your conversation, great. If not, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not making promises, but if I can, fine,” Clara replied, knowing that she wouldn’t likely.

“That’s all I ask,” Jenny replied.

\-------------

John had just finished setting everything up in the living room and was in the process of getting a glass of wine in the kitchen. He had been thinking about his conversation with Jenny most of the afternoon and wondered if Jenny really would be okay with him dating again. It was one thing to say it, but it would be a whole other situation if it were to actually happen and most of all if it happened with Clara. She definitely wouldn’t be happy about that, no matter how it made him feel. He made his way back out to the couch and sat down to call Clara.

“Hello,” she said as she answered.

“Hello back at you,” John said. “How are you?”

“Better now that it’s the weekend.”

“Rough week?”

“Just busy. They’re letting me try my hand at editing some mystery novels, but I also need to finish the romance one I’ve been assigned.”

“That’s great! Not that you have a lot of work, but that you’re finally getting books you want to read,” John said enthusiastically.

“Yeah, I’m happy about that. I just hope that I do a good job, so that I can move to that division.”

“I’m sure you will,” John smiled at the screen. “So, by saying you’re busy does that mean you didn’t do your homework?”

“No, I did it. I don’t want to feel the wrath of you for not doing it,” Clara joked.

“You’re a very clever woman,” John said.

“Thanks. In fact, I may have gotten through the whole song.”

“Without me!?” 

“Sorry, I wanted to impress the teacher.”

“Well let's hear it then and we’ll see how impressed I am,” John teased.

Clara smiled at him and picked up her guitar and started playing the song with a lot more confidence from when they had started. She made a few mistakes and didn’t take her eyes off her hands, but for the most part John was very impressed with the progress she had made. When she finished, she looked into the camera, with an expression that said she really hoped he liked what he had heard.

“Well done you!”

“It’s not perfect and nowhere near as great as you would play it, but I’ve been practicing quite a bit,” Clara beamed.

“And it shows. You really don’t need my help with that song anymore.”

“I hope that doesn’t mean the lessons are over?” Clara asked, afraid that he didn’t want to continue teaching her.

“Not if you don’t want them to be. I could teach you another song. Any preference?”

“Why don’t you surprise me again.”

“Okay, Blue Rodeo again, or something else?” John asked.

“How about another Blue Rodeo song.”  
John was happy to hear her say that because he had an idea for what one he wanted to teach her.

“You got it, boss.”

“So I guess this won’t be much of a lesson,” Clara said. 

“Guess not,” John replied. 

Clara wondered about bringing up his visit with Jenny, but she didn’t want him to know that her friend had called her, although she was curious as to why John had mentioned dating again to his daughter. Clara just didn’t know a way to get him on to the topic.

“So other than work, what else is new with you?” John asked.

“I feel like that’s all I do,” Clara responded.

“You must have some kind of social life.”

“Not really. I do spend time with Michelle, from time to time, but now that things are getting more serious with the guy she’s dating, we haven’t been spending that much time together outside of work.”

“That’s too bad,” John responded.

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

John began to wonder why someone like Clara hadn’t found someone of her own, but knew the topic of dating was a tender spot for her and perhaps a weird one to discuss with him, even though they did briefly talk about it at the Library Bar.

“What about you?” Clara asked, wanting to take the subject away from her being alone. “What have you been up to?”

“About the same as you. Work and more work. I did see Jenny today, so that was something different.”

“Oh,” Clara responded, pretending she didn’t know and thinking this might be her chance. “How is she?”

“Good. Not much is new with her either.”

“Well aren’t we all a boring bunch of people,” Clara said, with a smile.

“I suppose we are.” John began to wonder if maybe Clara thought he was dull when he didn’t elaborate more on their conversations.

“So other than Jenny, do you have anyone else in your life that you socialize with?” Clara asked, wondering if this might be another way to segue way into the topic she wanted to talk about.

“Well I do have my best friend Jamie and his wife that I see from time to time. I was actually out with Jamie the night we were texting.”

‘Perfect,’ Clara thought.

“I think I remember them from the wedding. They seem like a nice couple,” Clara said.

“They are. They’re really like family. In fact, Nancy is the one who introduced River and I.”

“Oh, so you’ve known them a long time.”

“I have,” John answered and then thought this might be away to open up to Clara a bit more. “They’ve actually been on my case to be more social. Which is why I had a pint or two with Jamie on Wednesday.”

“You haven’t been very social?”

“No, not really. You’re actually the only one I’ve been very social with and you live on the other side of the ocean.” John smiled at her. “I’ve been kind of avoiding them the last little while because I find it hard to be around them.”

“A reminder?” Clara asked.

“Aye. But I had dinner with them awhile back and felt bad that I haven’t seen them much, so I’m trying to fix that. Well, at least with Jamie.”

“He probably likes that,” Clara said. “What’s he like?”

“A pain in the arse.”

“Most good friends are. I think that’s what makes them good friends,” Clara chuckled.

“That’s a good point. Lord knows Jamie has made me do several things I never would have done.”

“Oh, care to share?” Clara asked, wondering what kind of trouble a young John had gotten into.

John eyed her for a moment and thought about what he could tell her.

“Well there was this one time that we snuck into a concert, but really not that daring as a lot of young people were doing it and it was a rather easy club to sneak into.”

“You rebel you,” Clara teased him. “Is that the most daring thing you’ve done?”

“Oh no, I told you one, now you need to share.”

“Me?! We were talking about you.”

“And now we’re talking about you. What’s the most daring thing a friend has pressured you into?”

Clara had a few stories she could share, but didn’t want to tell him anything that involved Jenny, so really the only story she had was one that might make them both feel embarrassed, but if she wanted to gauge his interest this one might do it.

“When I was in California, a friend I had met while travelling convinced me to go skinny dipping.”

John suddenly got an image of a naked Clara swimming in a moonlit ocean and felt the blood rush to an area he hadn’t given much thought to in a very long time.

“That’s pretty daring,” John replied, not really knowing what to else to say.

“Yeah, even more so because it was in the afternoon.”

“The afternoon? Here I was imagining a night swim,” John replied without thinking about what he had just admitted.

“You were imaging me swimming stalkers?” Clara quirked an eyebrow at him.

John blushed, but felt like this was may be an opportunity to see just how far he could take things with Clara. If he was going to listen to Jamie, he at least needed to see if there was some interest on her part.

“Well you were the one who put that image in my mind,” he answered.

Clara was surprised that he didn’t stammer out the word no, feeling uncomfortable, but instead he fully admitted that he had. She couldn’t help but wonder how far this conversation could go.

“What about you? You ever go skinny dipping?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh come on! I shared with you!”

“Fine,” John laughed. “Yes, but I did it at night, nothing as daring as you.”

“Hmmm, night.” Clara got a distant look in her eyes.

“Hey! No imagining it!” John exclaimed.

“You imagined me, so it’s only fair I do the same!”

“I suppose, but let me tell you it was summer and the water was warm, not even remotely cold, so imagine it correctly.”

Clara laughed. “Got it, no shrinkage.”

Clara couldn’t believe they were really talking about this, not that she minded, but it was just a turn she wasn’t expecting. 

“So was Jamie the one who made you do it?” Clara asked.

“No, I was with River.”

Clara regretted asking who he was with because now he would no doubt be thinking about River.

“But Jamie had made me do it one other time before I had met River,” John added. “What about you? Who were you with?”

“Another girl. She was a bit of a hippie and wanted to get the attention of these guys further down on the beach.”

“Did it work?”

“For her, yeah.”

“But not for you?” John asked, surprised by this.

“I wasn’t interested, so that’s okay.”

John was starting to get quite fascinated at trying to find out exactly who Clara had dated. She always seemed to say she wasn't interested in any of the men her friends were and he knew she had said she was interested in older guys, but part of him didn’t fully believe that.

“And what was it about these guys you didn’t like?”

“I told you before, I like my men experienced.”

“Ah yes, so you’ve said.”

Clara wondered why he was so curious about the kind of men she was interested in. He couldn’t possibly be interested in her, could he? It did seem like they had turned a corner and were heading down a road of being more comfortable and open with one another. Could she be the reason he was thinking about dating again? Maybe now was the time to up her game and take a chance.

“You seem awfully interested in what kind of guy I like,” Clara said.

John panicked for a moment, not sure what to say to her. He didn’t want to tell her why, but at the same time liked that they were talking about this.

“I just find it interesting that someone like yourself isn’t taken.” He looked away from the camera, finding it hard to look her in the eyes right now.

“Someone like me?” Clara questioned.

“Yeah, you’re smart, funny, kind, and,” he paused and then said more quietly, “beautiful.”

Clara barely heard him, but she did and her heart nearly leapt out of her chest.

“Thank you,” she answered, smiling softly at him then suddenly felt empowered to push things further. “But enough about my dating life, what about you?”

“What about me?” John asked, taken aback by the switch in conversation.

“Have you given any thought to dating again?” 

“It seems to be what everyone wants me to do,” he replied.

“Okay, but what do you want to do?”

John paused, thinking about his response. Truth was he wished he wasn’t having this conversation through a computer and could be in the same room with Clara.

“I’ve been thinking about it a bit more,” he finally said.

“That’s a good start. It will hopefully make the idea a little less foreign.”

“Foreign indeed. I never thought I’d be thinking about dating again at my age.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your age, John. Lot’s of men in their 50s find themselves back on the scene. Which is good for me I guess,” Clara smiled. “And lots of women in their 50s, as well. So no doubt when you’re ready to take the next step you'll find someone.”

For the first time John envisioned meeting a woman his own age and the thought didn’t appeal to him because that woman wasn’t Clara.

“She wouldn’t have to be my age,” he added.

“Oh,” Clara answered, feeling more hopeful. “Younger would be okay with you?”

“As long as she was the right woman, sure. We’d have to have a lot in common and good conversations, though.”

“Well that’s a must, no matter the age difference,” Clara added.

“I suppose it would be,” John smiled.

“So what else are you looking for in a woman?”

Clara wanted him to say, you, but knew that wasn’t going to happen. What she did hope was that he would give her a better sense of what he wanted.

“Someone who can make me smile,” John answered. “And put up with my cranky arse.”

“A difficult task to do, but not impossible,” Clara laughed. 

“That’s true. You broke through my hard exterior.”

“Which is easy to do when you smile, so having someone who can make you do that, combats the crankiness.”

“You think?”

“Sure you have a really nice smile that just softens your whole face and makes you look even more handsome.” The words left her mouth as quickly as they entered her mind and she suddenly worried about his reaction.

“More handsome?” He quirked an eyebrow at her taking the opportunity to tease her a bit, but also surprised by her compliment. 

Clara wasn’t sure if she should just pretend that she didn’t make the comment or own it. This whole conversation had been uncharted territory for them and it seemed to be going well, so maybe she should just admit it.

“Yes,” she answered. “Smiling tends to do that.”

John was sure he saw her blush, which meant she was likely embarrassed about her admission, but this whole conversation was making him more confident and he wanted to push a little more.

“But you said more handsome, implying that I'm handsome before.”

‘Damn him’, Clara thought, he really was pushing her on this, so she had no choice but to give him more.

“Yes,” she answered. “I actually thought you were handsome the first time I saw you on the plane, but then you opened your mouth and well we know what happened after that.”

“Yes, we do,” John chuckled, and was happy to know that Clara found him attractive. 

It felt like there was shift in the conversation and John didn’t want to scare Clara off of whatever was going on here, so he changed the topic of dating and asked Clara about the new book she was editing. Before either of them knew it, an hour had passed, which time always seemed to fly by when the two of them were together.

“I should likely go and make some dinner and you need to get some sleep,” Clara said as she looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly 7, which meant it was midnight for John.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” John responded. “I really enjoyed our talk tonight.”

“Me too,” Clara replied, with a smile. “Any time you want to chat, I'm just a phone call away.”

“Likewise, but we’ll arrange another lesson soon.”

“Sounds good. Sleep well.”

“And enjoy your dinner,” John added with a smile.

They ended their call with John feeling happy and hopeful. It wasn’t like he was ready to venture down a different path with Clara, but he definitely felt like she was maybe having the same feelings as him. He just wished that there wasn’t an ocean between them because it would be so much easier to piece this all together in person than it would be through a computer. He didn’t want to wait to see her in December, but if he had to then he would. In the meantime, he needed to find the next song he wanted to teach her to play, and he had a pretty good idea what it would be.

Clara closed her laptop and walked into the kitchen to warm up her leftovers, thinking about what this call meant. John seemed to almost be flirting with her, which made her wonder if she was indeed the reason he was thinking about dating. She felt very good about this conversation, but frustrated that she couldn’t pursue him the way she normally would for someone she was interested in. There was no scenario in her mind where Jenny would ever be okay with this, and not to mention the physical distance between her and him was nothing she’d experienced before. But despite all of that, she couldn’t stop her heart from feeling the way it was.


	16. Chapter 16

A couple of weeks had passed since Clara had her video chat with John. They had texted a few times, but both had gotten fairly busy with work and didn’t have much time for anything else. That was until today when Clara finally found herself with a free Saturday morning and was spending it cleaning out her closet, deciding what clothes to pack away for the Fall and Winter. Now that October was almost here the weather was getting a little cooler and she knew that some of her summer dresses and skirts needed to hibernate in a storage box, while her sweaters awoke from their summer siesta. She found her warmer jackets shoved in the back of the closest and took them out to move them to the front hall. As she was hanging them up on her coat rack, she spotted John’s hoodie, which she had completely forgotten she still had. She took it off the hook and instinctively brought it up to her nose, inhaled and then sighed. It still had the lingering scent of his cologne and without even thinking she slipped it on, wrapping the oversized jumper around her. It almost felt like a hug from John, but by no means a substitute. As she was standing there, enjoying the memory of the last hug they shared, she got an idea. One that was either really good, or really bad. 

She walked into the living room and found her mobile, then took it with her into her room, where she stood in front of her full length mirror and snapped a photo. She checked it to make sure it looked good and quickly typed a message. 

**Clara:** **So what do you think of my new hoodie?** **;)**

She sent it before she chickened out, but before she had a chance to even put her phone down, John responded. 

**John: Looks better on you than me :)**

**Clara:** **Even though it’s too big, lol**

**John: Nah, that’s what makes it look better. Makes you look adorable.**

Clara smiled at his message, he was definitely flirting with her. 

**Clara:** **Well I'll keep it warm for you until I see you at Christmas.**

**John: I appreciate that** **. I'll need a warm** **hoodie come December.** **Other than stealing my clothes, what are you up to today?**

Clara walked into her living room and curled up on the couch, wanting to get comfortable for a chat with John. 

**Clara: Cleaning out my closet.** **You?**

**John: Learning a new song, for a certain someone** **.**

**Clara:** **Oooh** **! What song!?**

**John:** **That’s a surprise. You'll have to wait until our next lesson.**

**Clara: Oh come on!**

**John:** **Nope, not telling.**

**Clara:** **Fine,** **but when will our next lesson be?**

**John: Not sure. I’ve been busy with work and** **I have to go up to Glasgow next weekend for my nephew’s wedding.** **Might not be until the first weekend in Oct.**

**Clara: That’s a long time to wait to hear your beautiful playing, but if I must, so be it :(**

John grinned at the thought of her being disappointed about having to wait. He wished he could do it sooner, but he needed to focus on work, especially with Perry coming to visit John’s office. He also liked that she thought he played beautifully, despite the fact that he knew he didn’t. 

**John: Hardly beautiful, but** **maybe by** **the** **time** **we have your lesson.**

**Clara:** **You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know that?**

**John: So I’ve been told.** **Do you mind if I call? I hate all this typing.**

**Clara: Not at all.**

As soon as Clara sent her text, her mobile rang. 

“Hi,” she answered in a cheery tone. 

“That’s better,” John said. “Now I can give my thumbs a rest.” 

“Good. We don’t want your thumbs to be sore,” she laughed. 

“No. I need my thumbs for playing,” John replied. “So, what on earth are you doing cleaning at ten in the morning? I thought you weren't a morning person?” 

“I'm not, but I have an edit I wanted to get done, so I got up to do it but then decided cleaning would be more fun.” 

“Boring book?” 

“Yes, but officially my last romance edit.” 

“Hey! That's great news! I'd think that would be enough incentive to get it done.” 

“You'd think, but no. The book is that bad.” 

“And you can't tell your bosses that?” 

“No, because sadly it's the kind of stuff that sells. But enough about work, what song were you playing?” Clara asked, trying to catch him off guard. 

“I'm not saying. You can’t trick me that easily.” 

“Fine, a girl can try. Make me wait then.” 

“Patience is a virtue, my dear.” 

The term of endearment slipped out without John realizing it. 

“I was just hoping to maybe learn a bit before we started. Remember teacher’s pet, here.” 

“I remember, and I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you’ve already impressed me, Clara. In my eyes there will never be a better student.” 

“Thanks, It’s because I have such a great teacher.” 

“So any big plans for tonight,” John asked, not being able to handle compliments and wanting to change the topic, so that he didn't accidentally slip and tell her the song. 

“Nope. What about you?” 

“Same. If only we were in the same city, we could do something together,” John added. 

“That would be nice,” Clara answered, smiling at the idea that John wanted to spend time with her. “What would we do if I were in London right, now?” 

John thought for a moment about what a perfect night with Clara would be. Then thought he might just describe a date to her and see what her thoughts were. 

“Well, I’d start by taking you to dinner at a local Italian place where I get a lot of take out from. Then maybe catch a film at the independent cinema down the road, followed by a late night dessert of your choice.” 

“That sounds really lovely,” Clara answered, grinning at the thought of a night like that. “So if you choose the restaurant and I choose dessert, who chooses the movie?” 

“We both would,” he answered. “I have a feeling we have similar tastes in films.” 

“No romance,” they both said at the same time and then laughed. 

“That makes me wish I was at home, right now,” Clara said. 

“If only we had some sort of time machine or teleporter,” John said, wistfully. 

“Wouldn’t that be great. Then think of the adventures we could go on.” 

“That sure does sound fun,” John replied. 

Clara hesitated a moment and then took a leap of faith. “Maybe when I'm home in December we could do a night like that.” 

Before John could reply his door bell rang, bringing him out of the moment they were having. 

“Ah, hold on Clara, someone’s at my door.” 

“Oh, okay,” she replied, worried that John wasn’t going to answer her now. 

John set his phone down and went to kill whoever was interrupting his call, knowing that it wasn’t Jenny because she would just walk in. 

“Hey!” Jamie said as John opened the door. 

“You have the worst timing,” John replied. 

“Why? It’s not like you're busy.” Jamie pushed past John without being invited in. “Besides, I come baring the gift of homemade jam from Nancy.” 

John shut the door and watched his friend walk into the kitchen. 

“Just put it on the counter,” John said, heading back to pick up his phone. 

“I'm sorry Clara, but my annoying best friend stopped by.” John looked at Jamie as he entered the living room and motioned for him to be quiet. “I’ve gotta go.” 

“Oh sure, no problem. We can chat another time,” Clara answered, slightly disappointed. 

“Good. And Clara,” John said before saying goodbye. “I’d very much like a night like that when you're home.” 

Clara smiled, happy that she got her answer and it was the reply she was hoping for. “Good. I look forward to it.” 

“Me too,” he replied. “Talk to you later.” 

They ended their call and John immediately looked at Jamie with a death glare that told him to not say anything, but of course that had never stopped his friend in the past. 

“Does this mean you took my advice?” Jamie asked as he sat down in one of the chairs. 

John took a seat on the couch across from him and sighed. “Yes and no.” 

“Call me crazy, but sounded like you were making a date?” 

“We were making plans to go out when she comes here in December. At no point did we call it a date.” 

“December! Mate snails move faster than that.” 

“Yeah, well it’s the next time I'm going to see her, so I have no choice.” 

“Well regardless, I'm happy that you listened to me for a change.” 

“It’s not so much that I listened, but more that you made me see that you had some valid points, and after I talked to Jenny…” 

“You talked to her about dating Clara!?” Jamie interrupted. 

“No, you bampot. I asked her how she would feel about me dating.” 

“And?” 

“She’s okay with it, so I thought that even though she wouldn’t like me dating Clara, she might eventually be okay if she knew I was happy.” 

“Well done,” Jamie grinned. “I'm so glad you're taking this chance.” 

“Well like I said, nothing is happening yet, and I still don’t know how Clara feels about it, so don’t go getting excited just yet.” 

“Now who’s the bampot? Don’t be so daft. The girl would not be hanging about with you if she weren’t interested.” 

John refused to get his hopes up, but he really did wish that Jamie were right. Things certainly had seemed quite promising the last couple of times they talked and she was the one who suggested they actually have a night out when she was home next, but it seemed almost too good to be true that someone like her would be interested in someone like him. He was thankful for the fact that he had some time before she would be home to sort it out more, but he also wished that he was able to be with her now in order to not waste any more time trying to figure it out. 

\------------ 

Clara was putting the final touches on her make-up before her video chat with John. They had spoken last week and he asked her if she wanted to do a lesson tonight, which she very happily agreed to. They once again chatted some more during their call and Clara was feeling even more hopeful that John had the same feelings as her. Much like the previous times, they were opening up more and more and she even felt that he was attempting to flirt with her, which was cute because he was clearly very out of practice. She in turn tried to pay him compliments, but it was difficult as he would quietly say thank you before changing the topic. She often thought that if they did live in the same country things may have progressed beyond what they were doing now, but then she would remind herself that he was someone who was still trying to get over his deceased wife and her best friend’s father. The question of Jenny was often on her mind and it was a thought that she tried to push away every time she talked to him, but it was always in there nagging her like an itch she couldn’t scratch. This had all been a nice fantasy that she had built up in her mind, but the reality was always going to be that this could never happen because of Jenny. 

She finished applying her brick red lipstick, which stood out against her porcelain skin and dark hair, and went to make sure her laptop was ready to go. She was excited to hear what song John had picked out for their lesson, but even more excited to see him again, despite it being through a computer screen. Her phone beeped, and she suddenly panicked that it was John saying he needed to cancel, although why he would, was beyond her because they had established neither of them had much of a life. 

**John: Hey, sorry, I’m having some issues with my computer. Give me a few minutes to get it sorted.**

**Clara: No problem. Just let me know when you’re ready.**

She hoped he would be able to fix his computer quickly, because she had been looking forward to this all week and didn’t want to wait any longer. In order to distract herself she went on Facebook to see what was happening with some of her family and friends back home, but it wasn’t really working. She just kept glancing at the time and getting more and more anxious waiting for John’s message. After about 5 minutes, she picked up her phone to text him, but before she could a knock was heard at her door. She had no idea who it could be because she knew Michelle was out with Gary and a couple of other friends, but then she remembered that they were having dinner in her neighbourhood, so it could very well be her, trying to drag Clara out. She got up and made her way to the door, preparing herself to tell Michelle to sod off, but instead got a surprise she had being dreaming about for weeks. 

“Hi,” John said with a smile. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments! And because everyone has been so great, I'm updating a little earlier, so I'm not leaving you haning for too long. Enjoy!

Clara was in utter disbelief, starring at John on her door step, looking as handsome as ever wearing his glasses, a navy peacoat and faded jeans. She had no idea why he was there, but she couldn’t have been happier to see him. Her heart was beating a mile a minute from the shock, and she was more than sure that John could probably hear it because lord knew it was all she could hear echoing in her ears. 

“So did you want to do your lesson out here, or can I come in,” John said, slightly worried that maybe Clara wasn’t as receptive to his surprise as he had hoped. 

“Sorry, I'm just so amazed to see you,” Clara said as she stepped aside to let him in. 

“Good surprise?” 

“Yes! Very much, but what are you doing here?” 

It was the question John knew he was going to get when he made the decision to get on a plane any fly across an ocean to see her, and also the one he had spent his entire flight trying to think of how to answer. He still couldn’t believe that Jamie had persuaded him to do this, and he wasn’t completely convinced that it was a good idea, but he just couldn’t wait until December to see if there really was something between him and Clara and he certainly didn’t want to do it through a computer. He also didn’t want to have this conversation right this second and wanted to take her to dinner first. 

“Well, two reasons. First one, is for work.” Which really was true as he had booked a couple of meetings when he decided to come. “And the second was to surprise you.” 

“Surprise indeed,” Clara beamed at him. “When did you get in?” 

“This morning. I've been resting most of the day, so that I wouldn’t fall asleep on you tonight.” He took a subtle deep breath, to steady his nerves. “I was hoping instead of a lesson, that we could go for dinner.” 

Clara couldn’t believe what was happening. Did John just materialize on her door step to ask her on a date? 

“That sounds nice,” Clara answered, trying hard not to smile from ear to ear, but with little luck. 

“Great,” John answered with a sigh of relief. “I'm afraid I don’t know any restaurants to go to.” 

“That’s okay. There’s a nice Ramen place down the street. Just let me go grab a sweater.” 

“Sure,” he answered as he stepped aside to let her by, and in the process got a whiff of her perfume; a faint scent of sandalwood and mimosa. 

Clara went to her room and glanced at herself in the full length mirror, happy that she had done her hair and make up for their call, and was wearing jeans instead of joggers. She quickly found her black cardigan, slipped it on and took a couple of calming breaths before going back out to John. 

“I guess this explains the time you chose for our lesson,” she said, as she pulled on her boots. 

“I was actually expecting you to question me when I suggested it,” John replied. 

“I'll know for next time,” she answered, putting on her coat. 

They left her place and walked down the street towards the restaurant, which was pretty close and John was thankful for that. He was feeling nervous knowing that he needed to talk to Clara about his feelings, and thought that he’d come this far, he might as well do it tonight. Once they reached the restaurant, they were immediately sat at the back, where john helped Clara off with her jacket and then hung it on the back of her seat. He glanced around and was pleased that the atmosphere had a real date feel to it with warm romantic lighting and tables for two that seemed spaced far enough apart that you felt alone and not on top of the table next to you. 

Clara wasn’t sure if John’s intention was for this to be a date, but it certainly felt like it was. He had been the perfect gentleman, just like he always was when they were out, but tonight seemed slightly different. She hoped that this might be a turning point for them, but reality was there was always going to be the issue of Jenny. Clara watched as John took his seat across from her and smiled as he looked around the restaurant. 

“What do you think?” She asked. 

“I like it,” he replied. 

The server came by and took their drink order and then left them to look over the menu. They discussed the different options and decided to share a few appetizers instead of having a main meal. Both weren’t feeling terribly hungry as the butterflies were running wild in both of their stomachs. 

“I can’t believe that you’re here,” Clara said, still in disbelief. 

“Me too actually.” 

“Was it a last-minute decision?” Clara was very curious as to if work was the only reason he was here or if there was more to his visit. 

“You could say that,” John said, still not ready to open up. 

Clara sensed his hesitation and wondered why he seemed to be acting nervous, almost like he was when they first started spending time together. 

“So how long are you staying?” 

“I’m here until Thursday, so if you’re not too busy, maybe we could have your lesson another night?” 

“That would be great. I’m pretty free the whole time you’re here.” 

“Good,” John smiled, and fidgeted a bit with the napkin on the table. “So how has your week been?” 

Clara could tell that he wanted to change the topic, so went along with it, but she really wanted to get down to what was bothering him because he really hadn’t been himself since they sat down at the table. They chatted about work until the server brought their drinks over and then took their food order, once again leaving them in a bit of an awkward silence that Clara couldn’t take any longer. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, full of concern. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be.” John tried to stall a bit longer. 

“You just seem on edge and I honestly haven’t seen you this way since we first met here in Toronto.” 

John could see that she was worried and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He’d rather have this conversation at Clara’s, but it looked like if he was going to salvage this night, it needed to happen now. He looked down at the table trying to find the right words, but thought it was likely best to just speak from the heart. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I guess I’m just trying to muster up the courage to tell you why I’m really here.” 

Clara gave him a quizzical look, but didn’t want to interrupt him. 

“I wanted to see you and not just through a computer. You’ve become someone very important to me and I feel like maybe there’s something here.” He motioned between the two of them. “And I didn’t want to wait until Christmas to talk to you, but I’ve been a big chicken because it’s been so long since I’ve been in this position, that I’m a little terrified.” 

Clara knew she needed to say something, but she couldn’t believe that John just admitted to coming here to see her and that it seemed he was feeling the same as her. 

“I was not expecting that,” Clara finally said and John looked disappointedly down at the table, thinking he had completely misread everything. “I honestly thought I was the only one feeling it.” 

John looked up and smiled at her, giving a tiny sigh of relief. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Clara answered. “I didn’t want to ruin what we had by saying anything. Plus, well, Jenny.” 

“I know, which has had me worried and hesitant, but I just can’t stop thinking about you.” 

Clara grinned at him happy to hear him say this, and feeling like she was having a dream that she was about to wake up from. 

“Me too,” she replied, and bashfully smiled at him. 

John was almost at lost for words at hearing Clara admit she had been feeling the same. He wanted to jump from the table and scoop her up in his arms, but he knew now was not the place for that. 

“So, is this a date then?” Clara asked, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Can be. Do you want it to be?” 

“Yes,” Clara nodded. 

“Then that settles it,” John smiled at her. “This is our first date.” 

John stretched his hand across the table and picked up Clara’s, lightly holding it while his thumb ran over knuckles. They were smiling at each other, like the couple of idiots they were for not saying anything sooner, but at least they finally did. 

“I have been wanting to do this for so long,” John said. 

For Clara it felt amazing to finally feel John’s tender caress against her skin. She wanted so much to savour this moment, but couldn’t stop the questions swirling around in her mind. 

“It’s nice,” Clara replied. “But I have to ask, what does this all mean?” 

“It means we can stop denying what we’ve both apparently wanted.” 

“That sounds great, but how can this be, John. I mean there’s the obvious question of Jenny, but also the fact that we live in different countries.” Clara saw the smile slip from John’s face and she was sure he was worried about her changing her mind. “Don’t get me wrong, I want this with every fiber of my being, but I just feel like the cards are stacked against us before we’ve even started.” 

John wanted to wrap his arms around her and assure her that everything would be fine, but he knew she was right and that they were going to have a tough road ahead of them. 

“How about for now we enjoy our dinner, and then after, pick up dessert and go back to your place to talk it out. I know it’s not going to be easy and I want us to talk about it, but not here. 

“Okay,” Clara nodded. 

“Besides, I’d much rather enjoy holding your hand and stare into your beautiful big brown eyes.” 

Clara smiled and John felt relieved that he got their night back on track. 

“Charmer,” Clara replied. 

The server interrupted their moment by bringing over their food, which they shared and started chatting about the different items they were trying. This lead to a discussion about other restaurants Clara wanted to try in the city and making a plan for what they were going to do while John was in town. 

“You know I just might be able to get a few days off,” Clara said. 

“Really?” John questioned. 

“Yeah, I have some personal days I haven’t used. I’d have to go in on Monday, but I could take Tuesday and Wednesday off. Maybe we could rent a car and take a little day trip to Niagara Falls.” 

“That would be great,” John answered. 

“Good, I’ll message my boss tomorrow to see if it’s possible and then book a car.” 

“That sounds like another date, Ms. Oswald. I guess this one is going well then?” John teased. 

“Was there any doubt that our first date wouldn’t?” 

“Well I didn’t really think it would happen like this.” 

“How did you imagine it happening?” 

“Well, I guess kind of like this, but I would have liked to have brought you flowers.” 

“That’s sweet, but I think this has been very lovely so far.” 

They continued chatting as they finished their meal and when they were done, John paid the bill before helping Clara on with her jacket. As they walked out of the restaurant, he put his hand at the small of her back, but then once outside, slipped it his into hers as they walked down the street. Clara smiled at the gesture and knew she could get very use to this feeling. They made a couple of stops to pick up brownies and ice cream, before arriving at Clara’s place. 

“So after we talk, do you want to watch a movie?” Clara asked as she opened her front door. 

“I’d like that,” John answered. 

“Good. Do you want dessert now, or wait? I'm kind of still full from dinner,” Clara asked. 

“I can wait.” 

She took the bags from him and told him to make himself comfortable while she put the ice cream in the freezer. 

John was feeling good, probably the best he’d felt in a very long time, and hopeful that he would be able to convince Clara that they could do this; that a relationship could work between them. He sat on the couch and waited for her to return, wondering where the rest of this night might lead. 

“So, you really think we can do this?” Clara asked as she came out of the kitchen and sat at the opposite end of the couch, but turned sideways to face him. 

“Yes,” John answered, matter of fact. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“Because I think that there is potential for something very good here.” John edged a little closer to her on the couch, but still giving her the space he thought she needed. “I know that you’re worried about the distance and Jenny, but if we take those two things away, are there any other issues you have?” 

“Those are two major points that we just can’t overlook.” 

“And I’m not saying we should, I just want to know if you have any other concerns.” 

“No,” Clara answered quickly, which told John she clearly had thought about this before. 

“Good,” John smiled at her. “I know you’ve said before that you weren’t looking for a long-distance relationship, but I think that if something is worth it, then we'll find a way of working around that. Look at how much we’ve already seen each other since I’ve met you. And who knows, you may want to move back to London or I may want to move here. I just think that, that’s a conversation we can have once we know this is going somewhere.” 

He had a very valid point; they had seen a lot of each other and they weren’t even dating. John definitely had the means to fly here more often and with his partner company being here in Toronto, there was potential for work. The reality was that distance had always been an excuse she gave to her family and friends who wanted to fix her up with someone from back home, simply as a way to get her to move back home. 

“You make a compelling argument,” she answered. “But that isn’t the biggest of our worries, and you know that.” 

“I know,” John sighed. “And this is where I’m not sure if you’re going to be so willing to go along with this idea.” 

“What idea?” 

“We don’t tell her.” 

“We can’t do that!? Don’t you remember how she felt when she thought we were keeping our friendship a secret from her? If she finds out we’ve been dating and didn’t tell her, she’ll never forgive us.” 

John edged over more on the couch and laid his hand on her shoulder to give her a slight squeeze, trying to comfort her. 

“I know it sounds crazy, and it did to me too, but when I talked to my friend Jamie, he made me understand that Jenny really has no business in deciding who I can and cannot date. I didn’t choose David for her, and in fact I didn’t even know he existed until she was ready to tell me. So, just because she’s my daughter doesn’t mean there are different rules.” 

“But don’t you think this situation is different than hers and David’s?” 

“Sure it is, but it still doesn’t mean that she gets a say in what I do.” John moved his hand from Clara’s shoulder to cup the side of her face. “I just think that we need time to ourselves to sort our feelings out, without anyone else being involved, then once we know where this is heading, we can tell her. At which point I will take full responsibility for not telling her right away. ” 

There was part of Clara that was happy John wanted to do this, but then there was another part of her that couldn’t believe he wanted to lie to his daughter. However, the feel of his hand against her cheek right now, was making it difficult for her to say no or to argue why they should be upfront with Jenny right away. 

“I just don’t know if I can lie to her, John.” 

“It’s not lying.” John took his hand away from her cheek and held her hands. “It’s just simply not telling her because right now in this moment it’s about you and me, not her. I know she can be a bit selfish sometimes, but she’s going to need to realise that I have my own life, just like she’s started a life with David; I have a right to happiness too.” John could see that he almost had Clara convinced, but he could see in her eyes that she was still wavering. “Regardless of when she finds out, she isn’t going to be thrilled, but you know what they say; it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission.” 

There was a little voice deep insider her that was telling her that this was not a good idea, but then there was a much louder voice screaming at her that John was right, this wasn’t any of Jenny’s business. It would be nice to really get to know John in a more intimate way without worrying about other people. Plus, it wasn’t like she was about to run and tell her Dad and Gran about John, so why should John tell Jenny about them dating. 

“Okay,” she finally said, giving him a soft smile. 

“Really? You’re sure you’re okay with it?” 

“Yes,” she nodded. “You’re right. I wouldn’t tell my family right away, so why should it be any different for you.” 

John grinned at her, relieved that this was finally happening. “You’ve made me very happy, Clara.” 

“Likewise,” she added, wanting to hug him, and even more so, yearning to finally feel his lips pressed against hers, but the moment just didn’t seem right and almost as if it would be forced. “So, did you want to watch a movie now?” 

“I’d like that a lot, and maybe a little dessert?” 

“You bet,” Clara smiled at him. 

She turned on the TV and told John he could choose a movie, while she went and got their dessert. She didn’t really care what he picked because she knew she wouldn’t likely be able to concentrate on it, but instead would be focused on when the right moment would be to really take things to the next level. She knew it was a big step for him to admit his feelings, but she felt like it was going to be another colossal leap for him to kiss her, let alone go beyond that. She stepped out of the kitchen and smiled at seeing John sitting in the middle of the couch, knowing that that was likely his subtle way of wanting to sit closer to her. 

“So what did you choose?” She asked as she handed him a bowl and sat next to him, her leg just barely touching his. 

“How do you feel about ‘Murder on the Orient Express’?” 

“You know I've never seen that, but have always wanted to.” 

“Perfect.” 

John hit play and the movie started while the two dug into their chocolate treat. Once they were finished, they each set their bowls on the coffee table in front of them, then Clara leaned over and turned the side table light off, casting the room in the blue flickering glow from the TV. When she moved back over towards John, he lifted his arm for her to lean against him and he wrapped it around her shoulder. Clara could hardly believe any of this was happening and felt like she would wake up any moment from another one of her lovely dreams. She was trying very hard to pay attention to the movie, but she just couldn’t, especially with John’s hand ever so slowly caressing circles on her shoulder. 

John intentionally chose a movie he had seen before because he knew his mind wasn’t really into it. All he could think about was how nice it felt to finally hold Clara close to him and how happy we was that he took a chance on his feelings. He couldn’t wait to get to know her even more than what he already had and was looking forward to being able to show her how he felt, without having to hide or deny it. 

An hour into the movie, Clara heard John’s breathing change, and looked over to see he had fallen asleep. She smiled at how cute and peaceful he looked and she really hated to wake him, but his head had fallen to the side, which would likely give him a sore neck if she didn’t do it. She lightly tapped him on the leg and he stirred, slowly opening his eyes and realizing he had fallen asleep. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. 

“That’s okay,” Clara chuckled. “Your body doesn’t know it’s in a different time zone.” 

John looked at his watch and saw that it was only ten o’clock and he had hoped he would have been able to last longer than this, but he just couldn’t fight it any longer. 

“I hate to end our night like this, but I should likely get going. Sleep has hit me like a freight train and I’m not going to be much company if I stay.” 

Clara didn’t want him to go, but knew it was way too soon to offer for him to sleep over. It was likely best that she let him go and get the rest he needed, so that she could enjoy more time with him later. 

“Did you want to pick this up tomorrow?” She asked. 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” 

John stood up and Clara followed him towards her front hall. 

“I can make us dinner too, if you’d like?” 

“Very much,” John answered, as he put his jacket on. 

Clara smiled at him, yearning for him to kiss her, but not sure if he was ready to take that step. She didn’t want to push him too much, knowing what that moment would mean to him. They may have discussed the questions of Jenny and distance, but there was still the issue of River. 

“So, I’ll call you tomorrow after I get some rest and we can make a plan,” John said. 

“Sounds good.” Clara bit her lip, not sure what the next move was going to be. 

John wasn’t sure how to say goodbye to Clara. He thought maybe she might be expecting more than a hug, but this was not how he envisioned their first kiss happening. He wanted it to be something more, something bigger and more romantic than saying good night after he had just fallen asleep on her couch. Instead, he made the decision to lean in and give her a soft kiss against her cheek, but Clara tuned her head at the last second and he caught her in an awkward peck on the corner of her mouth. 

Clara misread John’s intention, as she had thought he was going to kiss her and she wanted to meet him half way. However, it was clear he had wanted to kiss her cheek and not her lips and she felt bad for ruining that moment. 

“Sorry,” she said quietly. “I thought, you...” 

“No, I'm sorry.” He brought both is hands up to her shoulders and gave her a slight squeeze. “I’m afraid I'm rather rusty at all of this.” 

“You’re fine,” Clara smiled at him. 

John pulled her against him and Clara wrapped her arms around his waist as they hugged. 

“I’ll get there, it just may take me a little longer than normal,” he whispered. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Clara replied as they pulled apart. 

“Good,” John answered with a grin. 


	18. Chapter 18

Clara woke up the next day with the biggest grin on her face and nothing could wipe it off. She still couldn't believe that John had flown across an ocean to admit his feelings, something she thought would never happen. She knew that it was a huge step for him and a big risk, but now she was determined to move this relationship out of the friend zone and into something more. She had stayed up after John left, trying to plan out a romantic meal and thought she had come up with the best idea, but she needed to pop out to the shop to get a few things. She got out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen to make some coffee and while she was scooping the grinds into the maker she wondered if Michelle might have some practical advice on pumping up the romance, since she couldn’t really talk to Jenny about this. She knew Michelle was likely still asleep, but Clara didn’t care; she needed help.

“You know I'm not a morning person on the weekends, so this better be good,” Michelle said as she answered.

“John showed up at my door last night,” Clara replied, knowing that would get her friend’s attention.

“Whoa, hold on.”

Clara heard some rustling in the background, followed by the sound of a door opening.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake Gary,” Michelle said. “Now please tell me John is still asleep as well, and you’re calling to tell me how amazing it was.”

“Slow down speedy. Not everyone moves at the pace you do.”

“Good god! At least tell me you two have moved beyond this friendship dance you’ve been doing?”

“We talked about our feelings, yes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“And what happened?!”

“We went for dinner, talked, watched a movie, then he went back to his hotel.”

“Are you kidding me?! You’ve been lusting after him for months and you're telling me you didn’t jump his bones the second he admitted his feelings. Clara!”

“What?!”

“Pick up the pace!”

“One step at a time,” Clara answered.

“One step!? Jesus Clara, how slow do you want to take this?”

“I'm not setting the pace here, Michelle, he is.”

Michelle gave a heavy sigh and Clara knew she was frustrated with her.

“At least tell me you kissed?”

“Uhmmm…”

“Oh good god. What is the problem with a kiss?”

“It’s hard, okay! I want to be with him Michelle, but he hasn’t been with anyone since his wife died. A wife he met when he was, like twenty, so this isn’t easy for him!”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just know how long you’ve wanted this and to hear that he made such a bold move in surprising you, I had hoped you two finally stopped dancing around all this.”

“Me too, but now we have to figure out this transition and I have no idea how to do this with him.”

“Well for starters, you’re going to have to be the aggressor, Clara,” Michelle stated.

“I don’t want to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. Don’t you think it’s better to just wait for him to be ready.”

“I'm not saying you force him; I'm just saying to entice him. You know, flirt with him in ways that he’ll want to get physical and forget about his dead wife.”

“Michelle, don't say it like that. He's never going to forget her.”

“You know what I mean. Stop thinking of him as some fragile tea cup that can break if you make the wrong move. He’s got eyes and is clearly attracted to you, so play to that.”

“That’s not a bad idea.”

Clara thought about all the times she’d seen him she had been wearing t-shirts and nothing even remotely sexy. Maybe an outfit that was respectable, with a touch of provocativeness was what she needed to wear tonight.

“Thanks,” Clara said. “You’ve given me an idea.”

“Good, I look forward to hearing all about it tomorrow.”

Michelle’s mention of work reminded Clara about wanting to ask for a couple of days off, so she ended the call and sent her boss a quick message. While she waited for a response, she went to look at her clothes to see if she could find the right outfit. She didn’t want to wear anything too revealing, but at the same time thought maybe showing a little skin might just do the trick for getting John to see her in a less platonic way. After about twenty minutes she finally decided on a pair of dark skinny jeans, and a white sheer tunic blouse that she could wear open to show off a silky black lace trimmed camisole. With her attire chosen she decided to throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt to head to the shop, but just as she was about to walk out the door her mobile rang. She looked at it and smiled when she saw it was John.

“Good morning,” she cheerily answered.

“Good morning right back at you,” John said, with the same tone. 

“Feeling rested?” Clara asked, hoping that he caught up on his sleep.

“I am. Although I woke up at three in the morning.”

“You’ve been up that long?”

“No, I was just up for a couple of hours then fell back to sleep. I just got up now and thought I would see what time you wanted me to come over.”

Clara wanted to tell him to come any time, but she knew she had a lot she needed to get done before he got there. 

“Is four okay?”

“Yeah, that’s good. It’ll give me time to scope some things out,” John answered.

“What are you scoping out?” Clara asked.

“Just things.”

“That’s very mysterious of you.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Okay,” Clara laughed. “Enjoy being a man of mystery. I need to run to the shop.”

“Do you need me to bring anything?” John asked.

“Just your handsome self,” Clara answered, pleased that she was able to say that to him now.

“Alright, until later, my dear.”

John hung up after saying goodbye and glanced at the clock radio next to the bed. He had five hours before he would see her again, which hopefully would be enough time for him to explore the area and find some flowers for Clara. He wanted to show her he could be romantic and the only thing he could think of, since he was away from home, was to buy her a nice bouquet of red roses. Although, who was he kidding, even if he were at home, he still wouldn’t know what to do. He gave a heavy sigh and flopped back on the bed. It was always easy with River, but with Clara it felt different and he couldn’t pinpoint why. She was laid back, easy to get along with, and they could talk for hours, but there was just something that made him feel like he had to try harder to impress her. He laid there for a few minutes then decided nothing was going to be solved this way, so he threw back his covers and made his way to the shower to get ready for the day.  
\-----------  
Just like clockwork, Clara heard a knock at her door and smiled at how predictable John was. She gave herself one last look in the mirror and decided her outfit had come together perfectly; the camisole revealed just enough skin to seduce, but covered enough to still leave some mystery. She walked towards her front door and opened it, smiling when she saw John holding a bouquet of long stem red roses and a guitar case.

“Hello,” she greeted him, happily.

“Hi,” he replied, almost speechless at seeing Clara looking so lovely.

Clara stepped aside to let John enter and got a faint smell of his cologne that she loved so much.

“These are obviously for you,” he said as he handed her the flowers, then put the guitar on the floor in order to take his coat off.

“They’re beautiful,” Clara replied as she brought them up to her nose to smell. “Thank you.”

She watched as he hung his jacket up and then admired his appearance as he turned around. It was clear that he too had made a bit more of an effort than normal, wearing dark denim trousers, a white button up shirt that had the top button undone and the cuffs folded over to show a pale blue stripe pattern. It also looked like he had gotten a haircut since she had seen him the night before and his slight five o’clock shadow was gone.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled at her.

“So I take it you were scoping out flower shops and barbers?” She asked, grinning at him.

“Aye, I wanted to get a haircut before I left, but I didn’t have time.”

“Well, it looks good.”

“Yeah? I was worried the guy took too much off the sides.”

“Nah, I like it. You'll always be handsome no matter what it looks like.”

John smiled bashfully at her. “Thanks, but I don’t look anywhere near as good as you do. You’re stunning, Clara.”

“Thanks,” she replied, blushing at his compliment. “Well, now that we’ve established we look good, I’m going to put these in water. Just make yourself at home.”

Clara walked off towards the kitchen and John picked up his guitar case to head into the living room. He laid it down on the floor near the couch and then sat in the spot he had been in the night before. He glanced over to the corner of the room and noticed that Clara had already set the table for dinner, which included a fondue pot along with some candles. 

“I’m a little shocked you brought your guitar all the way from London,” Clara said as she entered carrying a vase with the roses.

“I didn’t,” John answered.

“So then what’s in the guitar shaped case,” she asked as she put the flowers on the coffee table.

“A guitar, but not my guitar.”

“You know this man of mystery thing is cute, but very confusing,” she said as she sat on the couch and turned towards him.

“Well, along with getting a haircut and buying you flowers; I bought a guitar. So I guess, technically mine, but not mine from home.”

“Okay, and why did you buy one?”

“For our lesson. The last time we did this in person, it was hard for me to show you the chords and different finger positions when you were the only one with a guitar. So I was kind of hoping you might let me leave this here, and that way when I come to visit, it’ll be easier to teach you. Sorry, I guess I should have asked you first.”

“That’s okay. I don't mind.” 

Clara was thrilled to hear that John was thinking of visiting more, which would definitely help if they were going to have a long-distance relationship. 

“Thanks,” John answered. “I don’t know when I can get back over, but I was hoping if this trip went well, that I could come back sometime next month.”

“I’d like that,” Clara answered, trying her best to give John a sultry smile. 

Clara couldn’t help but feel there was a bit of tension in the air and it no doubt had to do with the transitioning from friends to more than friends. It was becoming clearer to her that John wasn’t likely going to be the one to make a move and she was going to have to take matters into her own hands.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Clara asked, seemingly out of nowhere. “I know we were going to do my lesson, but it’s been a nice day and we aren’t likely going to have many of those left.”

“Sure,” John answered. “Whatever you’d like.”

The pair got ready to go out and as they were doing so, Clara was trying to think of where to go that might lend itself to a bit of romance and then it hit her, Christie Pits Park, which wasn’t that far away. They left her place and began their walk down her quiet street, neither saying much as Clara was trying to think about her next move and John was wondering why this seemed so difficult. He hadn’t had any issues talking to Clara since they had become friends and now that he had opened his heart a little, he was struggling again.

“So where are we going?” He asked.

“I thought maybe we could watch the sunset from this park up the street.”

“That sounds nice.”

They continued walking, Clara now slipping her hand into his , which he held without hesitation, but not much else was said until they arrived at the park. John was amazed that there was a huge pit in the middle of it, that held baseball diamonds, a skating rink, and a swimming pool. They followed a path to the far end of the park, where Clara led John to sit on a bench that looked out over the wide-open space and had a clear view of the CN Tower.

“I can’t believe you can see the tower,” he remarked.

“I know.”

“So do you come here often?” John asked.

“From time to time, mostly in the summer, but it’s nice to come down here in the winter and watch people skating. But I also like this time of the year too, with the leaves changing colours.”

“It’s nice,” John smiled at her.

“You know, I really like your smile,” Clara said. “There’s something dorkishly charming about it.”

“Are you calling me a dork?” He questioned in a teasing tone.

“No, I'm calling your smile a dork. You, I’d call charming.”

“Thanks, but I don't’ know how charming I am when I feel like I’m failing miserably at this dating thing.”

Clara turned towards him. “Why do you think you’re failing?”

John mirrored her posture before he answered her. “Because there’s something that is holding me back and I’m having this internal struggle between my heart and my mind.”

John reached out and placed his hand on the side of Clara’s face, who instinctively leaned into it.

“Maybe we’re overthinking this,” Clara said, leaning forward a bit.

“Maybe,” He leaned in a little.

“So let’s stop thinking.” She inched closer. “What do you want, John?”

“I want to kiss you.”

Clara got goosebumps and her heart began to race.

“I’m not stopping you,” she said, as she slightly stuck her tongue out to wet her lips.

John brought his other hand up to cradle her face and slowly moved towards her. Clara closed her eyes, hardly believing she was about to finally get what she had been longing for and after what felt like an eternity, John’s soft lips pressed ever so gently against hers. It was a tender kiss, his hesitation still apparent, but Clara felt the spark that every girl hopes to feel in that moment. She brought her hands up and placed them on his chest, tempted to grab the lapels of his jacket to deepen the kiss, but not daring to try. 

The second his lips connected with Clara’s, John felt a surge of excitement and joy as he had been longing to kiss her for quite some time. However, the moment didn't last long once an image of River popped into his mind and he was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt, which caught him completely off guard because he hadn't been thinking about her at all. In fact for the first time in a long time he hadn’t thought of her once today. He felt Clara’s hands pressed against his chest and he knew he couldn’t continue.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled away.

Clara didn’t know what was happening; one second John was kissing her and the next he wasn’t, and she had no idea why. She looked at him confused and a little sad that their first kiss had not ended the way she had hoped.

“For what?” She asked.

John looked at her and felt even more guilty as he saw concern and hurt reflected at him. Clara deserved better than him, more than a broken old man who couldn’t seem to move past the life he once had.

“I just don’t think I’m ready,” John said quitely, looking down at his lap, unable to look at her.

“Okay, but what suddenly made you feel that way?” She asked again, worried that maybe he didn’t feel the spark she had felt.

“I just don’t…” he hesitated at telling her the truth because he didn’t want to hurt her any more. “Maybe I should go.”

John stood, but Clara grabbed his hand, forcing him to look at her again.

“John, please.”

He saw her unease and felt horrible that he was causing her this pain. He sat back down knowing he needed to be honest with her.

“Clara, I don’t know what to say,” he took her hand into his. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for so long, but that’s the first time I’ve kissed another woman in over thirty years and I think it just hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting.”

“That’s understandable, but that’s no reason to back away from this. I like you John and I think that we could have something really good here, but I can’t compete with a ghost and I also don’t want to force you into something that you don’t want.”

“I do want this and this isn’t a competition between you and River; I’m just having a hard time letting go of the past.”  
Clara didn’t know what to say to him. She knew what the issue was, but if he wasn’t willing to leave River behind, this really wasn’t going to work out. If something as simple as a kiss freaked him out, how could they ever move   
on to more. 

“Look, John, I don’t know what you’re going through, but I can understand how difficult this is. I’m more than willing to wait for you to be ready, but only if you’re going to get to that point. If not, then this needs to end now before either of us gets hurt.”

John didn’t want this to end; he cared about Clara very much and wanted more than anything to be with her. He knew she was good for him and that she made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a very long time, but he needed to get River out of his mind before this could go any further. The problem was he didn’t know how to do that.

“I’m sorry, Clara. I really do want this, but I think maybe I need to work some things out before we can go on.”

Clara’s heart sunk to the bottom of her stomach and she knew there was no salvaging tonight. Her need to be physical with John had pushed him beyond what he was ready for and now it looked like things were ending before they had even started. 

John hated to see Clara look so sad, but he really couldn’t continue with the night knowing he had to work on his own issues. “Let me walk you home.”

“It’s okay; I just want to sit here for a bit.”

“I hate that I’m making you feel this way.”

“It’s fine. I get it,” she answered solemnly. 

“It’s not fine. I don’t want you to think that I’m giving up, Clara, because I’m not.” 

“I know,” she replied, wanting to believe it, but doubting it. “I just wanted tonight to go a lot differently.”

“Me too, but I will make this up to you Clara; I promise.”

Clara could tell John was being sincere; he’d never been anything but, and maybe she just needed to give him a little space for a couple of days to let him think about what he really wanted. 

“Okay,” she nodded as she stood up. “If you decide you want to see where this can go, you know where to find me. But I’m afraid I can’t go back to being friends, John; it’s just too painful for me.”

Clara turned and walked off in the direction they had just come from only a few moments ago. He didn’t dare to follow her, knowing that she needed space just as much as he did right now. It pained him to know he had hurt her, but he just couldn’t shake this feeling of guilt he was having and he needed to figure out how he was going to move past it. He glanced down at his hands, noticing that he was absent mindedly twisting his wedding ring around his finger; the ring he had never taken off since River had put it on. Maybe this was the first step he needed to take in leaving her where she needed to be, but could he do it.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the lovely comments and for hanging in there with me while these two sort things out. I promise you will be rewarded for your patience.

John didn’t head back to the hotel right away, instead he decided to walk for a bit and clear his head. He had no idea where he was going, but he wasn’t in the mood to sit alone in his room when he should have been having a nice dinner with Clara. How could he have been such an idiot to let the thought of River enter his mind during a time when he very clearly should have been thinking of Clara. Here he was with a beautiful intelligent woman who wanted to be with him and something inside of him was fighting it. He knew River wanted him to move on, but there was this small voice inside of him that kept saying she wouldn’t want him to do it with someone so much younger than him. He pulled out his mobile and without even thinking, called Jamie, in hopes of him shedding some light on his problem and a way of working it out.

“Hello,” Nancy’s quiet voice answered the phone, sounding like she had just woken up.

“Oh, sorry Nancy. I was trying to reach Jamie. I didn’t realize I had called the house.” He looked at his watch and saw what time it was in the UK. “Bloody hell, I didn’t notice the time either.

“That’s okay,” Nancy replied. “I think Jamie’s fallen asleep down on the couch again, but I had just gone to bed. Do you want me to get him?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” John answered, sounding slightly disappointed.

“You sure? Because I can go get him. Unless there’s something you think I can help you with.”

John didn’t know how much Jamie had told Nancy about Clara, but he thought it might not hurt to get a female perspective on all of this.

“Did Jamie tell you where I am?”

“He did. I hope that’s okay.” 

“Aye, I expected he would. So what do you make of what I’m doing?”

“You mean trying to be happy and moving on with your life? I think it’s about time.”

“I mean, trying to move on with a woman much younger than me and who is Jenny’s best friend.” 

“John, I think that it’s great that you’ve found someone who can make you happy,” Nancy answered. “Have you told Clara yet how you feel?”

“I did, and it was great until I went and ruined it tonight.”

“Hence the phone call,” Nancy said.

“Aye. Nancy, I have no idea how to let River go.”

“Maybe it’s how you’re thinking about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you say you don’t know how to let her go, but maybe that’s not what you should be trying to do. Maybe you should be trying to find room for someone else in that big heart of yours.”

John continued walking, taking in Nancy’s words. It was a very good point, but how could he do that?

“Do you think River would have an issue with me dating someone like Clara?”

“River wanted you to be happy John and I think if Clara makes you feel that way, then it wouldn’t matter to her,” Nancy replied. “I don’t know what happened tonight, nor do I want to, but I think you owe it to yourself to stop sabotaging this relationship before it even gets off the ground.”

“You think I’m intentionally doing this?”

“Not intentionally, no, but I do think that your subconscious is getting the better of you and you need to take control before you lose a potentially good thing. From what Jamie has told me, it took a lot for you to make the step you took in telling Clara how you feel. Now get out of your head and follow that damn heart of yours,” Nancy said forcefully.

“You’ve been with Jamie too long; you two are starting to sound alike.”

“It’s been known to happen,” Nancy chuckled. “Look, I know that you made a big decision in trying to pursue this with Clara, knowing that Jenny wouldn’t be happy, and that was a big step. You were able to put her feelings aside for your own, and now you need to do the same with River.”

She made some really good points and John knew she was right. He thanked Nancy for the advice and continued walking, deciding that he would just keep going until he eventually made it back to the hotel. On his way, he passed by a small pub that looked pretty quiet and he thought that he could definitely use a pint right about now. He opened the door and took in the dimly lit deserted atmosphere, which seemed perfect for the mood he was in. He made his way over to the long bar and took a seat on one of the stools and looked up at a TV that was playing a hockey game, a sport he knew nothing about, but he still stared at the game as if he did. The bartender came over and took his order and since it wasn’t very busy, she returned in no time with his pint. He took a long drink from the glass and then placed it down while he reached into his pocket to take out his phone, debating about sending a text to Clara, but then deciding that was likely not a good idea. He couldn’t get the image of her sad eyes out of his mind and wished so much he could take back everything that had happened tonight, most of all he wished River hadn’t popped into his mind. The truth was, he actually hadn’t been thinking about her as much as he had been. Ever since she had died he had thought of her nearly every second of every day, but over the past few months that had changed and he really hadn’t noticed it until now. He stared down into his drink, watching the tiny bubbles dance in the amber liquid and zoning out to the music that was playing in the background. It was an 80s mix that couldn’t have been more appropriate because this music was the soundtrack to his life with River. Their wedding song had been ‘Somebody’ by Depeche Mode and a song that he had often played for her when she was in the hospital during her final days. Much like the image of her that had popped into his mind earlier, he now found himself thinking about that time; a time that he never allowed himself to remember. 

\-------------

_John sat quietly next to River’s hospital bed, watching her sleep and thinking about how he was going to survive without her. The doctors didn't give her much more time and even though she had been trying to prepare him for this moment, he just wasn't ready to say goodbye. He wasn't sure he ever would be. She was the glue that held this family together while John had been working hard at building his company and now he worried what life would be like for him and Jenny. He wasn't sure he could be strong for both of them when he felt like his world was being torn apart._

_"Hey," he said when he saw River slowly open her eyes._

_"Hi," she answered, her voice sounding weak. "Where’s Jenny?"_

_"She and David went to get something to eat."_

_"Good. Gives me some time to talk to you."_

_"About what?"_

_"I think you know"_

_"Not this again," John replied with a long sigh._

_"Yes, John. I need to know that you're not going to be alone."_

_"I'm not going to be alone, I have Jenny."_

_"Who is going to get married one day and start her own life, more than likely in London and not here.”_

_"It doesn’t matter. If I can’t spend the rest of my life with you, I don’t want to spend it with anyone.”_

_“John, you have to promise me,” River quietly pleaded._

_John had never been able to deny his wife anything, but this was just something he couldn’t give her. He gave a heavy sigh and ran his hand through his mop of curls, that were much longer than usual since he hadn’t had it cut in ages._

_“I’ve told you I can’t, so please honey, no more.” John lifted her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, placing a soft kiss in her palm._

_“And you’re not going to grant a dying woman one wish?”_

_“Don’t joke about it. River, I can’t possibly think about being with another woman, not now, not ever. I promised myself to you and only you.”_

_“Forever the romantic.” River smiled at him. “But you promised to love me until death do us part,”_

_“And death doesn’t mean I stop loving you.”_

_“Of course not, but it does mean that you’re free to find it again.”_

_John shook his head. “I’m sorry, honey, but I just can’t.”_

_\---------------_

John stared down at his now almost empty beer, remembering that moment and how Jenny and David had returned to the room, ending their discussion, which he was thankful for because he hated how much River had wanted him to make her that promise. And it was one that he never did end up making. He just couldn’t bring himself to agree to something he never thought was possible, and now here he was feeling guilty for something River had very clearly wanted him to do. All she had wanted was for him to be happy and now that he was finally starting to feel that again, he was pushing it away. At some point in the last couple of years he had convinced himself that he couldn’t be happy without River and the thought of feeling such an emotion without her, made him feel guilty, but this wasn’t what she wanted. He saw that now; how she was right, just like she always was. 

John finished the rest of his drink, and was about to get up when the unmistakable tune of _Lost Together_ started playing, and just like that he was taken out of the past and brought right back to the present and Clara. He smiled, wondering if in a weird way, River was trying to send him a sign, but ultimately knowing that it was just a very strange coincidence. He listened to the song until it finished and then walked out of the bar feeling much better than he had when he entered. He continued on his path back towards the hotel, letting the crisp October air clear his mind; thinking a little more about River and Clara, realizing that he had been living in the past for so long, that he almost forgot what it was like to truly have something to live for. Clara had given him that the past few months and for that he was grateful. He needed to see that even though there was once a time when River was his past, present, and future, she was only his past now and because he had not been wanting to leave her there, he had been holding on to her, trying to bring her along with him in the present and the future, but he really couldn’t. All he could do was remember their good times, their bad times, and all their in between times.

He finally arrived back at his room, throwing his key card and mobile on the nearby desk, then taking his jacket off to hang over the back of the chair. He sat on the end of the bed and looked down, studying the gold band on his left hand. He sighed heavily, knowing that it needed to be done, but hesitating as he thought about his wedding day and the vows he and River had made. Til death do us part was what they had promised each other and what she had reminded him of just days before she had died. He loved River more than anything and would until the day he died, but it was time for him to stop living in the past and to start living in the present. He started thinking about all of her pleas for him to find happiness and how he hadn’t been able to make her that promise.

“I’m sorry River. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it while you were alive, but I’m ready to do it now,” he said out loud almost as if she were in the room with him. “I promise you I will move on.”

Ever so slowly he twisted at the ring and finally pulled it off, holding it between his thumb and index finger, gazing at the symbol of his life with River. And in that moment he felt a weight lift off his shoulders, that he hadn’t noticed he had been carrying. He felt calm, lighter and a little freer as an ease washed over him, leaving him hoping that wherever River’s spirit was, she could finally find rest knowing that his heart was a little more open to finding love again.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a happy holiday season! This chapter is my gift to you all! Enjoy 😀

Mondays were Clara’s least favourite day of the week and even more so today. The last place she wanted to be was at work, but she had no choice as she had already arranged to have the next couple of days off. Although now she wasn’t sure if there was even going to be a point as she had no idea if John wanted to still take their day trip. Based on how they had left things the previous night, she was sure he wouldn’t be up for it. Clara was also dreading the office because she wasn't in the mood to see Michelle, knowing she would want all the details from her date, that turned out to not be a date. Luckily, Clara had a meeting planned first thing in the morning, followed by an afternoon edit review with her boss, so hopefully she would be able to avoid her friend. Clara got off the lift, coffee in one hand and laptop bag in the other, keeping her head down as a means of avoiding eye contact with anyone. She was sure Michelle wasn't likely there yet, but knowing her luck, her friend would have suddenly decided to be on time for once.  
  
"Morning," Michelle said as Clara reached her desk, looking up to see her friend sitting there.  
  
"What are you doing at my desk?"  
  
"Waiting for you obviously. I want all the juicy details."  
  
"Well there's none to report," Clara answered as she put her bag down and motioned for Michelle to get out of her chair.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Yes, now move."  
  
"What happened?" Michelle asked, ignoring Clara’s request.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it and I said move."  
  
"No, not until you tell me what happened."  
  
"Michelle, I'm not in the mood for this. I just want to focus on my work."  
  
Michelle stared at her, not moving a muscle. Clara sighed, knowing she wasn't going to get what she wanted, so she might as well just fill Michelle in on the night.  
  
"We shared a very brief kiss, that ended with John freaking out and ending our date. Happy? Can I work now?"  
  
"Freaked out how?"  
  
"He pulled away and apologized saying he wasn't ready for this."  
  
"No, I refuse to accept this. A man does not fly across an ocean, tell you how he feels, and then ends it before it even starts."  
  
"Well he did, so accept it, because lord knows I have to."  
  
"You're not going to do anything about this?"  
  
"What do you want me to do?" Clara asked, feeling exasperated.  
  
"Fight for him."  
  
"It's hard to fight a ghost because that's what I'm competing with. The ball is completely in his court and it's up to him if he wants to live in the past or start enjoying the present." Clara glared at Michelle who finally moved, obviously sensing her frustration.  
  
"I'm sorry Clara."  
  
"Yeah, well there's nothing I can do, so I just want to focus on work and get through today trying not to think of it, so please don’t bring it up again, okay?”  
  
“Fine,” Michelle looked at her with sad eyes. “You know where to find me if you want to talk.”  
  
She walked off and Clara was finally able to sit down and get to work, pulling out her laptop to respond to a few emails before she had to go into her meeting. All she wanted was to get through her day, so she could get back home and wallow in her misery with a tub of ice cream, trying not to think about John and what their future held.   
  
\------------  
  
John woke up the next day feeling almost like a new man. He fell asleep the night before not thinking about River, but thinking about how he can make amends with Clara. He knew he needed to apologise to her, and thought about sending flowers to her office, but since he had just given her flowers yesterday he thought that wasn’t very original. He wanted to find a way to not just tell her how he felt, but to show her he was serious at giving this relationship a shot. He just wished he hadn’t set up meetings for today, so he could figure out what to do.  
  
He finished buttoning up his shirt and checked himself out in the mirror before picking up his mobile off the desk and debated about calling Clara, but knew she was likely at work and wouldn’t be able to talk anyway. He glanced at his watch and in the process, caught a glimpse of his now ringless hand. It felt weird, and he wondered how long it would take for him to get used to it, but none of that mattered because he knew he had done the right thing. He felt very confident about that and couldn’t wait for his day to be over, so he could see Clara and try to start over.  
  
\----------  
  
Clara came out of her meeting with her boss, relieved that her day was finally over. She was feeling disappointed that she hadn’t heard from John all day and wondered what he was doing. She walked towards her desk to get her laptop and the rest of her belongings, thinking about maybe going to his hotel to see if she could talk to him, but then thought that wasn’t a good idea because he clearly needed space. She packed up her stuff, then made her way over to Michelle’s desk to say good-bye, feeling bad for how she had been short with her friend at the start of the day, but it looked like she had already left. When Clara reached the lifts, she was surprised to see Michelle sitting in the lobby of their office.  
  
“I thought you left.” she said.  
  
“I did, but then I wanted to check on you, so I decided to wait.”  
  
“Thanks. Look, I’m sorry about this morning.”  
  
“Say no more,” Michelle said as she got up and the two waited for the lift. “I’ve been pushing you and I shouldn’t be.”  
  
“No, it’s good that you do, but I’m just starting to think this relationship isn’t meant to be.”  
  
The doors opened and the girls got in, Clara pushing L to take them down to the main lobby of the building.  
  
“I hope you’re wrong, but if he really can’t get over his wife, then I’m afraid you might be right,” Michelle admitted.  
  
Clara just nodded her head, not knowing what else to say. The fact that Michelle was now agreeing with her wasn’t a good sign at all.  
  
“It’s all too bad because I would have thought Jenny would have been a bigger issue than River, but I guess his love for her is just so powerful that he can’t imagine feeling that way for someone else.”  
  
“Well look at it this way, if it’s not going to work out with him, maybe you’ll be a little more open to meeting other men.”  
  
“Maybe,” Clara said, but not really liking that idea.  
  
The lift doors opened and the pair stepped off, Michelle ahead of Clara.  
“But then again, maybe not.” Michelle said as she turned to Clara and smiled.  
  
Clara had no idea why she was looking at her that way until she looked past her and saw John standing near the doors of the building. He looked like he had just come from work, holding a computer bag, and she wondered how long he had been waiting there. She made eye contact with him and he smiled, which she returned, but was still doubtful that him being here was a good thing.  
  
“Hi,” he said as the girls approached.  
  
“Hi,” Clara answered.  
  
“Clara, enjoy your days off,” Michelle said, clearly wanting to give the couple some space. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”  
  
Clara said goodbye and then turned to John, still a little shocked to see him there. She had no idea that he knew where her office was, but he had obviously paid attention when she had told him where she worked, because she was sure she had never mentioned again after she had told him all those months ago.  
  
“How long have you been waiting?”  
  
“Not long, maybe an hour,” John replied.   
  
“That seems pretty long to me,” Clara smiled at him.  
  
“Nah, I’m just glad I didn’t miss you.” John opened the door for her and the two stepped out onto the street. “I was hoping to maybe take you to dinner.”  
  
Clara wasn’t sure what any of this meant, was he wanting to have dinner as a date, or as a means of telling her he couldn’t continue down this path. Either way she didn’t really feel like being in public right now.  
  
“Well, I still have the stuff from dinner last night, if you want to do that instead?”  
  
“I’d like that,” he smiled.  
  
They hailed a cab and got in to ride back to Clara’s. It was a quiet drive, neither really wanting to talk much in front of the driver, so John attempted to make some small talk by asking about Clara’s day and vice versa. Once the driver stopped in front of Clara’s home, John paid for the ride and then they walked up the front steps where Clara unlocked the front door and the pair stepped inside.  
  
“I want to start by saying I’m sorry about last night,” John said as he helped Clara off with her jacket before taking his own off.   
  
“It’s okay,” Clara replied as she stepped into her living room, turning on a nearby lamp, casting the room in a warm glow.   
  
“It’s not and I want to make it up to you.”  
  
John saw that Clara had moved his guitar case to lean it against the far wall, where he walked over to take it out.  
  
“I’m not very good with words, but I want to play something for you. Something that I’ve been practicing for a while since you got me back into playing again.”  
  
Clara took a seat on the couch and watched as John walked over towards her, strumming a few chords, checking the tuning, then took a deep breath and started playing.  
  
_I met this girl_  
 _She was walking through one of my dreams_  
 _She kissed my eyes_  
 _And everything that she said_  
 _Made so much sense to me_  
 _That I still feel like I'm half asleep_  
  
Clara immediately recognized the song as Dark Angel, one of Blue Rodeo's songs that she absolutely loved. She watched as John sang, his eyes closed, focused on not making a mistake.  
  
_My dark angel_  
 _She gave me diamonds for eyes_  
 _She walked by_  
 _Now I'm hypnotised_  
 _By this dream_  
 _That just won't stop_  
 _And I feel_  
 _Like I've always been lost in this dream_  
  
_The rumours of heaven_  
 _Only speak the truth on earth_  
 _My dark angel_  
 _Shine your light on my curse_  
 _You are the other that I have to find_  
 _Until I do_  
 _I guess I'll see you 'round my mind_  
  
Clara was in awe watching John sing. He was very good, despite her obvious bias, and could listen to his unique voice croon for hours.  
  
_So Colorado_  
 _Is a place I have to go_  
 _I heard a rumour_  
 _She loves the mountains and the snow_  
 _My dark angel_  
 _She gave me diamonds for eyes_  
 _My dark angel_  
 _I offer you my heart_  
 _My dark angel_  
 _I think I loved you from the start_  
  
_'Cause there's this face that I know_  
 _That I've never seen_  
 _Sometimes I feel I'm livin' in_  
 _Someone else's dream_  
 _Still I thank you_  
 _For stopping to talk_  
 _And I wonder_  
 _Just into whose dream did who walk_  
 _Oh my dark angel_  
 _Shine your light on me_  
  
John finished the song and put his guitar down looking at Clara to gauge her expression.  
  
"John, that was really lovely.”  
  
"Thanks," he said as he took a seat next to her on the couch. "The first time I heard that song I thought of you and at the time I wasn't sure why, but then I came to realize that it was because you're the one who's been bringing light back into my life. You’ve been making me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. I'm so sorry that last night didn't go the way I had hoped, nor I think the way you had hoped, but I really needed to sort some things out.”  
  
“And you’re telling me that you’ve sorted them?” Clara questioned, feeling a little unsure.  
  
“I know it’s likely hard to believe, but yes." John looked at her and saw the doubt and hesitation in her eyes, and hated that he was the one who put it there. "I thought that by coming here like this and admitting my feelings was the step I needed to take, but I really should have dealt with finding closure with River." John took Clara's hand in his. "I was sure after all this time that I had, but when I kissed you last night, I was so overcome with guilt that I realized I hadn't. But that kiss was just what I needed to push me into finally taking that step towards my future and leaving River in the past."  
  
"I don't know, John," Clara answered. "It's clear that she is the love of your life and I don't think I can compete with that."  
  
"It's not a competition. I don't want you to feel that. But what I realized last night was that this is what River wanted. I had been so lost in my grief that I didn't want to remember how much she had wanted me to promise that I would move on. That the vows we took were an oath of until death do us part and I was free to find love again once she was gone. I never made her that promise because at the time I couldn't imagine there ever being another woman who could make me feel the way River did, but I see now that I was wrong."  
  
"That's a big realization, John. You make it sound as if it were like flipping a switch."  
  
"Or more like removing the last bit of physical attachment I had to River."   
  
John held up his hand and Clara saw he had taken his wedding ring off. She smiled, knowing that was a huge step and one she was glad to see he took, knowing how hard that must have been for him.  
  
"When I took my ring off last night, I finally made River the promise I should have while she was alive. I'm opening my heart to you, Clara, and I know it's not going to be an easy road ahead, but I'm really ready to go down this path with you, if you still want."  
  
Clara really did want this, but some of the doubt she had had before had crept back in and the last thing she wanted was to get her heart broken.  
  
"I think it's a long bumpy road, John. Not everything is going to be easy," Clara finally spoke. "I'm happy that you've taken the steps to moving on, but I just don't know how it could happen so quickly. If I'm going to be with you, I want to be with all of you and not feel like you're thinking of River while being with me."  
  
"It wasn't so quick. I know it seems that way based off last night, but making that promise to River was the last step I needed to take in my grieving process. I can't describe the feeling I had when I did, but all I know is that I'm ready now; I know that."  
  
John could tell that she still wasn't completely convinced and he knew there was only one thing he could do to prove it to her.  
  
"I really want to believe that, but…" Clara’s sentence was cut off when John leaned forward and kissed her.   
  
He knew he needed to prove to her that he could do this and the only thing he could think of was to show her. He knew he caught her off guard, as it took her a second to respond, but then he started to feel her lips move with his and he knew he had her.  
  
John’s hands cradled the sides of her face as their kiss deepened and Clara instantly knew this was different than the last one. Gone was the hesitancy and uncertainty she had felt last night; this was a kiss from a man who knew what he wanted and it was her. She parted her lips slightly and John took the opportunity to taste even more of her, neither wanting this moment to end. Electricity and excitement were flowing between them as their tongues clashed and hands moved, pulling them closer together. Both felt as if their hearts were going to beat out of their chests and Clara couldn't believe that she was finally experiencing what she had been longing for for so long. The moment was almost too much for her to bear and she needed to take a moment to catch her breath, both literally and figuratively.  
  
“Wow,” she said as they pulled a part.  
  
“Do you believe me now?” John asked as he grinned at her, his hands sliding down her arms.  
  
“I don’t know,” she smiled at him slyly. “I may need more convincing.”  
  
John returned her look before capturing her lips once again.


	21. Chapter 21

Clara laid in bed, happy as a clam, thinking about the previous night. After John’s admittance of being ready to move on and a brief snog on the couch, the couple had a nice dinner, chatted, then continued exploring their new found intimacy. Nothing progressed beyond innocent kisses and despite how badly she wanted him to stay the night, she didn't offer and he didn't ask. She knew it would take a few more dates to get to that point, but for now she was content with canoodling.

They had decided to go ahead with their road trip to Niagara, John saying he would hire a car from the hotel and come pick her up around ten, so they could avoid some rush hour traffic and enjoy a bit of a lie in since it was late when John left. Clara smiled, thinking about the goodbye at her door and how for the first time it didn't seem awkward; just a slow, gentle kiss followed by a lingering embrace. She brought her hand up to her mouth, remembering the feel of his soft lips against hers and she started imagining those lips on other body parts.

"Alright girl, none of that," Clara said out loud as she threw back her covers to get up and get ready for her date.

\----------

It had been so long since John had felt this happy; he also forgot how good it was. He couldn't stop smiling as he left Clara’s last night or as he was falling asleep. He felt like a young man again and had the beautiful brunette to thank for that. He was excited to be spending the entire day with her today, something they hadn't done for a while nor had they done as a couple. A couple. It sounded almost strange and foreign for him to think of them as a couple, but he liked the idea very much. 

John had walked across the street to the train station to find his hired car. He was excited to drive in Toronto, as he had never driven on the opposite side of the road before. He got into the car and set up the GPS to help guide him to Clara's, although he felt like he was really starting to get to know this city and felt confident he could find her house without it. He really did like Toronto and started imagining living here with Clara as he was making his way to her house.

"Enough of that," he said out loud, knowing he was jumping the gun and needed to focus on the present.

\--------

Clara was just deciding which bag to take when she heard a knock at her door. Her heart leapt at the thought of seeing John again and she had to stop herself from running to answer it.

"Good morning beautiful," John said as Clara opened her door.

"Morning," she grinned.

John took a step forward and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. 

"You ready to go?" he asked as he pulled back.

"Almost, just need to grab my bag and our coffee." 

"Coffee?" John questioned as he stepped in and shut the door.

"Yeah, I ran down to the corner bakery and picked us up some muffins and coffee for the road."

Clara walked into the kitchen and came back out carrying a small white paper bag and a tray with two coffee cups. 

"You, my dear, are a genius and a saint," John said as he took the food from her.

"I know," Clara answered, walking away again, this time disappearing into her room.

"And modest too," John replied.

Clara stepped back out of her room with a cross body hobo bag, grinning at John, who knew he wanted to do everything in his power to keep this expression on her gorgeous face. She put her coat on and did one final check to make sure she had everything before the pair left. When they got to the car, John opened the door for Clara and then passed her the coffees before he went around to get in the driver's side. Once they were both buckled up and ready to go, John set the GPS up and they made their way to the highway.

"So what’s it like driving on the wrong side of the road?" Clara asked.

"Weird, but I imagine I'll be used to it by the end of the day. Have you driven since you've been here?"

"Just a couple of times. I don't have much of a reason to."

"I suppose, Toronto is a lot like London and that you don't really need a car to get around."

"That's true and I don't leave the city much."

"No?"

"Not too often. Work has kept me pretty busy and most of my friends here are city people and don't like to get away very often."

"Well, maybe I'll have to take you on some little trips when I come to visit."

"That would be really nice."

"Good," John glanced over at her and smiled. "So when were you going to let me have that muffin?"

"I guess now," she answered as she pulled one of them out of the bag and removed the wrapper before handing it to John. "I hope you like banana." 

"I love it. Now pears, I hate."

"Why? I love pears."

"They make your chin wet," he answered and then took a bite of the muffin.

"That's a strange reason to hate a fruit."

"It may be strange, but it's true," he replied after swallowing. "This is delicious."

"I know. When I first moved to the neighbourhood, I stopped there every morning to get one for my breakfast, until I noticed I was starting to gain a few pounds, so now it's the occasional weekend treat."

Clara tore the top off her own muffin and bit into it. She savoured the taste, moaning softly as she chewed. John couldn't help but notice the sound she made and started thinking about other things that might make her moan. He gave his head a slight shake, trying to get the images out of his mind, and focused on the road ahead while he finished his breakfast. They continued their drive chatting and drinking their coffee, which was also just as good as the muffins. It wasn't long before they were driving into Niagara Falls and down Clifton Hill, the main road of the town.

"This looks like Vegas," John remarked, staring at the attractions lining the street.

There were wax museums, Ripley's Believe it or Not, haunted houses, and an indoor carnival, all of which you'd never expect to see when going to visit one of the world's biggest waterfalls.

"I know. It wasn't what I was expecting when I came here before."

John continued to drive until he found a parking lot that was within walking distance of the Falls. They got out of the car and John immediately took Clara's hand in his as they strolled towards the roaring sound of water. 

"Did you bring your camera?" Clara asked.

"No," he answered disappointedly. "I was feeling a little nervous before this trip and didn't think to pack it."

Clara thought it was charming how nervous he must have been before coming here. She looked at him and gave him a sweet smile, "Well I brought mine if you want to use it."

"I would love to, but don't you want to use it."

"We can take turns," she said as she stopped and pulled the camera out of her bag and passed it to John.

"Okay," he said as she took it and slung it around his neck.

They continued walking until they reached the road that ran next to the Falls then crossed the street to get a better view.

"Wow," John said as he lifted up the camera and started firing off shots. "It certainly is a lot more impressive in person."

"It is," Clara replied as she took out her phone to snap a picture of John taking photos.

"What are you doing?" John asked.

"Taking pictures," she answered.

"Yes, but you're taking shots of the wrong subject."

"No I'm not. I have pictures of the Falls; I don't have pictures of you."

John laughed and then pulled out his phone to snap a couple of shots of Clara. "Good point."

"Hey, warn a girl so she can smile," Clara said.

"Okay," John replied as he took a step towards her and stood next to her, their backs to the Falls. "Let's take a selfie."

John wrapped his arm around Clara and pulled her tight into his side before snapping the picture. 

"One more," he said, but this time he turned his head and planted a kiss on her cheek before taking the picture.

Clara was half smiling and half laughing at how adorable this man was. Such a stark contrast from the grumpy man she had met on the plane all those months ago.

"Now this is a keeper," John said as he looked at the picture then showed it to Clara.

"See, smiling. It makes for a much better picture."

"Not just smiling, you're practically glowing with happiness," he said.

"Well that's what your kisses do to me."

John grinned at her then pulled her into him as he gave her a slow gentle kiss on the lips. 

"Noted," he said as he pulled back seeing the same smile he saw in the picture.

He took her hand and the pair walked off to get a closer look at the Falls, chatting about what they wanted to do. Clara gave him the options of going underground to the tunnels that took you behind the Falls, or a boat tour at the bottom, but John didn't really care to do either. Just seeing it from where they were and spending time with Clara was enough for him.

After getting closer and taking a few more pictures, the pair walked up to the main drag to find some place to grab a quick bite for lunch. They didn't want to have too much to eat because Clara had suggested they have dinner in Niagara-on-the-Lake, a quaint historical town not far from the Falls that sounded a lot more like the couple’s speed than the circus Niagara Falls was. However, before they made it there, Clara suggested they stop at a few scenic places along the river for a little hiking and more picture taking. John loved that idea so the first stop was a place called Niagara Glen, which wasn't very far from where they were, but was exactly the kind of nature John had expected. It was such a gorgeous sunny afternoon and the changing colours of the trees all added to the beauty of the spot. They ended up spending a few hours there, hiking the different trails and taking more pictures until they decided they had had enough of nature. The couple hit the road again and drove the twenty minutes to the picturesque town of Niagara-on-the-Lake, a quaint little town with tree lined streets and well groomed landscaping. 

"This place looks nice," John remarked as he parked the car. "Have you been here before?"

"I haven't, but friends have talked about it and I thought it might be a nice place for dinner," Clara said as she got out of the car.

"It certainly looks like it," John answered as he walked around the car and offered Clara his arm and the pair started walking down the street. "I feel like we've been transported to the 1800s, from the look of these buildings."

Clara chuckled, "That is one thing it's known for. Well, that plus wine and theatre."

"Wine and theatre?"

"Yeah, this town is famous for the Shaw Festival and the whole Niagara region has the best wine in Ontario."

"Well that sounds like a perfect way to spend an evening," John said.

"It does, but I don't think we could get tickets to a play this late in the day. Not to mention we have to drive back to Toronto."

John really wanted to treat Clara to a romantic night and this town just screamed romance. It would be great to have a night at the theatre followed by some wine tasting, but she had a point about the drive. Although, there was no reason why they couldn't get a room and spend the night, except he wasn't sure if he was quite ready to take that next step with her. He wanted to be with her, but the truth was he was nervous about having sex with someone so young and beautiful, knowing that it had been such a long time since he'd last done it and the fact that he'd been with only one woman since he was in his 20s. However, he knew it was a bridge that needed to be crossed sooner or later, so there was no better time than the present. Also, just because they shared a room didn't mean they had to have sex.

"We could make a night of it, if you want?" He suggested, not entirely sure how Clara would feel.

Clara stared at John for a moment, surprised that he would propose the idea of them spending the night in a hotel. He had just gotten comfortable with kissing her and she couldn't imagine that he was ready for more intimacy. 

"We could, but I'm not exactly dressed for a night of theatre or an overnight trip."

"That can easily be taken care of. I'm sure there's some clothing shops along this street. But if you don't feel comfortable…"

"No," Clara interrupted him, not wanting him to think she didn't want to do this. "I just want to make sure you're okay with the idea."

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't," he stopped walking and turned to face Clara, taking both her hands in his. "I know that it's a step we haven’t talked about, but all I'm suggesting is getting a room, so that we can have a nice night here and not worry about driving back. I don't want to put any pressure on either of us for anything more."

Clara smiled at how sweet John was. She'd never encountered a man that was as much of a gentleman as him and she felt so blessed to have found him. 

"Okay," she said.

"Great," John replied, happy and relieved that there were no expectations going into this night.

"But we should likely see if we can get tickets to a show before we do anything else."

"Leave that to me," John said as he spotted a women's clothing shop. "Why don't you go see what you can find and I'll see what I can plan for tonight."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay then. You want to meet back here in an hour?"

"Sounds good," John answered and gave Clara a quick peck on the cheek before they parted ways.

John crossed the street and quickly found a men's store, where he thought would be a good place to start by buying a suit. Luckily, while he was trying one on, the older gentleman that ran the shop was very helpful in recommending a hotel and telling him how to get tickets, so by the time John walked out with his purchase he had secured both. He checked the time and saw that he still had a half hour before he needed to meet Clara, so he decided to see if he could find a drug store to get a couple of toothbrushes and some other toiletries.

Clara stepped into the shop and was surprised to see the clothes looked stylish as she was afraid places like this often had garments geared towards older women. She browsed the racks until a salesperson offered to help her find just the right dress. After she tried a few on and decided which one she wanted, Clara found herself browsing the lingerie section debating if she might splurge on some new undergarments as well. It had been a long time since she had bought nice lingerie and even if John wasn't going to see it tonight, eventually he would. She picked out a pretty black silk negligee with lace trim at the bodice and thought she could use it to sleep in tonight as it was sexy, but not too revealing. The sales lady then pointed out the matching robe and a bra and panty set that would suit her dress perfectly and Clara just couldn't pass any of it up.

John walked through the chemist looking for toothbrushes. He hated how nothing was laid out the same as back home, so he found himself going up and down the aisles searching for what he needed. That's when he came face to face with the condom display and stopped, staring at the contraceptives. It had been years since he had bought them and he found himself feeling like a teen again, wondering if he should buy some now. He honestly hadn't even thought about it until this moment. He knew they had agreed that sex wasn't the plan of tonight, but it would happen eventually, so wouldn't it be best to be prepared.

Clara stepped out of the shop and saw John sitting on a nearby bench and smiled at how relaxed he looked. He turned, probably sensing someone was approaching and returned her smile.

"Looks like you had some success," he said as he stood and approached her, taking the bags from her.

"I did. Did you not?" She questioned noting his lack of packages.

"Oh, I did. I put them in the car already."

The pair started walking in the direction of their vehicle.

"So were you able to get tickets?"

"I was. I also booked a hotel and made a reservation for dinner."

"Well you've been quite busy."

"Not really, but if you're impressed by that, then yes, I have." John winked at her and Clara chuckled. "Did you find everything you needed?

"I did. I'm really happy that we've decided to stay," she said as they reached the car.

"Me too," John answered as he put her packages in the trunk with his own, then walked around to the passenger side to open the door. "This has been a really great day, Clara."

"It has," she smiled at him. "And I'm sure it'll be an even better night."

They locked eyes for a moment before Clara got in the car. She wasn't sure if John was feeling the same as her or not, but she was definitely sensing a temperature rise between them. John closed her door and took a steadying breath before walking around to the driver's side. He knew he shouldn’t put too much pressure on tonight, but the more time he spent with this beautiful woman, the more he was falling for her and wanted everything to be perfect for a night that held so much possibility. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long delay on this chapter. I had a very stressful month and a half at work, which gave me the worst case of writers block, but things are much better and hopefully the words will start flowing more easily. Thanks everyone for sticking with me and continuing on this journey with John and Clara.

"So what's the plan?" Clara asked as John got in the car.

"First, we'll check into the hotel and then we have a dinner reservation at 6 at a restaurant near the theatre. So we have a couple of hours to relax and get ready."

"Sounds good."

Clara was getting more excited about their night and was curious as to what the hotel would be like that John had booked. She also wondered if he had asked for a room with one bed or two; hoping it would be the former because the idea of falling asleep in his arms was something she had been dreaming about for quite some time.

They didn't have to drive far to get to the hotel as almost everything in town seemed to be very close. John pulled up and a valet took the keys to park the car and a bellhop took their bags for them. Clara had never stayed in a hotel with this kind of treatment and for the first time since knowing John, she remembered how well off he was. They entered the lobby of the old Victorian building and Clara instantly felt transported home to England, which made complete sense as the hotel was called The Prince of Wales. John made his way to the front desk, while Clara glanced around taking in the ornate decor and warm atmosphere. She was very glad that they had decided to stay and was feeling really hopeful that this was going to turn into a lovely romantic evening.

"Shall we," John said, as he came over to her holding a key card in his hand and placing the other at the small of her back to guide her to the stairs since there were only 2 floors in the building.

"This place is beautiful," Clara remarked.

"It is quite charming, isn't it."

John was thankful that the hotel looked as nice as it did in the photos on its website. He really wanted to impress Clara and it looked like he was succeeding. He knew he didn’t have to, but he really wanted to make up for the lost time they had when he first arrived. 

They found their room and John opened the door, letting Clara enter first, who couldn't believe the size and beauty of it. On one side there was a seating area with a couch, glass coffee table, and a fireplace, while on the other was a four-poster canopy king size bed. The room was decorated in teal and white colours, and accented with mahogany wood, giving it a crisp warm look. She turned and smiled at John, who looked a little nervous.

"I hope this is okay," he said, shutting the door and walking further into the room.

"Okay? John this room is incredible," Clara exclaimed.

"I'm glad you like it, but I meant that there's only one bed," he bashfully stammered. "We didn't really discuss the sleeping arrangements, but I thought…"

Clara cut him off by stepping towards him and kissing him, catching him completely off guard, but he quickly responded by placing his hands on her hips and pulling her in closer. They kissed until a knock at their door brought them out of the moment.

"Don't forget where we were," John said as he stepped out of her embrace and opened the door.

The bellhop from earlier entered with their packages and John told him to put them on the bed before giving him a tip and the young man left. In the meantime, Clara had started looking around the room more and discovered they had a balcony.

"John, look at this," she said as she stepped outside. "We have a view of the town. I bet it's really pretty at night."

"Probably not as pretty as what I'm looking at," John replied, staring at Clara from the doorway and not going outside.

"Charmer," she grinned at him and came back in to check out the washroom, as John took his coat off and laid it on the back of a near-by chair.

"Oh my god! This bathroom is massive," Clara exclaimed.

John chuckled at her enthusiasm and went to see just how big it was.

"This is huge," he remarked, noticing the spaciousness. "That shower looks incredible."

"It does. Way bigger than the one I have, but I'm more interested in this tub. Would you mind if I had a soak before getting ready?"

"Not at all. I'll just answer some emails while you do that."

Clara hung her coat up in the closet and then grabbed her small makeup bag from her purse before going back in to run the water for a bath. She was thankful that she had the sense to pack a few toiletries and makeup this morning, thinking that she might like to freshen up at some point during the day. Once she had closed the door, John took out his phone and noticed he had missed a call from Jamie, so he decided to ring him back as he took a seat on the sofa.

"I wondered if you'd call me back or not," Jamie said as he answered.

"I don't have much time, but thought you were likely checking up on me."

"Not me, Nancy was wondering how you are." 

"Well thanks to her, I'm doing much better. I'm honestly shocked you didn't call the next day."

"What was the point? You know how I feel and she told you everything that I would have said. So you got your head straight again?"

"I do."

"And everything is good with you and Clara?"

"It is."

"Good, my work here is done then." 

"Thank you, to both you and Nancy. I don't deserve friends like you."

"Yes you do. We just want you to be happy."

"And I'm definitely feeling that again."

"Excellent, so now friend to friend, man to man. Have you and her sealed the deal yet?"

"Jamie!" John exclaimed. "I'm not discussing that with you. I didn’t with River, and I'm sure as hell not with Clara."

"Fine, I was just hoping to live vicariously through you. You know how it is after you've been married for awhile."

"Well, live through someone else and not me. We just started dating."

"True, it'll likely take some time for her to adjust to seeing your naked old arse."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Fine, pints when you get back?"

"Yeah," John replied and then said goodbye to his friend.

He stood and walked over to the bed to take his suit out of the bag, thinking about Jamie’s comment. He knew eventually, this relationship would lead to sex, but the question was when and how would it be. Clara was young and beautiful with an amazing body and he would be a fool to not think that she hadn't been with men who were in better shape than him. It wasn't that he had a bad body, but he wasn't a young man any more and what was once a flat stomach, now had a little bulge and parts that were toned, now sagged a bit. He laid his suit out and then looked into his other bag that contained new dress shoes, along with some boxers and a couple of plain white t-shirts. He put the shoes over by the door and then looked at himself in the full length mirror. He needed to stop psyching himself out and just do what came naturally, but he just couldn’t help but wish he had a little more muscle on this old body.

He walked back to the couch to answer some emails while he waited for Clara to finish her bath, but got distracted by the image of her soaking in a tub. Hopefully, one day soon it would be an activity the two of them could do together, his mind wandering down a path until the bathroom door opened, startling him out of his daydream. He looked up and saw Clara standing there with her hair swept up and wearing a fluffy white robe.

"How was the bath?" He asked, trying to get his mind back to the present.

"Amazing. The tub is so deep a person could drown."

"Well I'm glad you didn't," John grinned. "It would have put a terrible damper on our date."

"Just a bit," she answered as she walked over to the bed to get her bags. "Oh nice suit. I love the blue colour. It'll really bring out the colour in your eyes."

"That's exactly why I bought it."

"Really?" She remarked as she turned and looked at him.

"No," he chuckled. "I bought it because I didn't want another black or grey suit. I don't own an indigo one."

"Well, regardless, you're going to look so good in this." Clara turned back to the suit and ran her hand over the material.

"I hope so." John stood up and walked towards her to get the bag of stuff he bought at the chemist. "Do you mind if I have a shower or do you still need the bathroom?"

"No, go ahead. Let me just grab my makeup bag first." Clara walked back into the bathroom and then came out carrying her bag and the blow-dryer. "I'll just get ready out here while you're in there."

"Thanks," he replied, then walked into the bathroom.

Clara took her dress out of the garment bag and hung it in the closet until she was ready to put it on. She couldn't believe that the colour was almost identical to the suit John bought and she hoped that he would like it as much as she liked his outfit. She fell in love with the beautiful sapphire lace cocktail dress almost the second she tried it on. The semi-sheer decolletage gave it a discreet sexy look, and the fitted waist with a chic sheath skirt hugged her curves in all the right places. She closed the closet door and walked back to the bed to take out her undergarments. She knew that this night wasn't likely going to end the way she wanted, but just in case she was happy she bought the lacey strapless black bra and matching thong.

She heard the water start and looked towards the bathroom door, imagining John standing in the shower. It had been such a long time since she'd been with someone that her hormones were getting the better of her. Her mind was filled with the image of water cascading down his chest and back as he lathered up washing his long lean frame.

"Get it together, girl," she said as she turned away from the door and went back to getting ready.

Twenty minutes later she had changed out of the hotel robe and into the long black silk one as she started styling her hair with the blow dryer. The sound was so loud that she didn't hear the shower turn off and was startled when she saw John’s reflection in the mirror. She turned the dryer off and turned around to see him standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist, and his curls still wet.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," John said as he saw her jump a little.

"It's okay. I didn't hear the water shut off."

John noticed she was now wearing a much more sensuous robe than what the hotel offered and he was a little surprised that she had bought it along with her dress for tonight. He couldn't help but wonder what else she had bought.

Clara tried to not eye John like a cold drink of water on a hot day, but she couldn’t help it; everything she imagined about him being shirtless was true. Plus add in the wet hair and she suddenly felt like she needed a cold shower.

"I'm just going to grab my clothes, but I wanted to let the washroom cool down a bit. You haven’t seen the other robe, have you?"

"Oh, yeah, it's in the closet here," Clara pointed beside her. "Did you want it? Because honestly, it'd be a shame."

John raised an eyebrow and gave her a crooked smile. "Just didn't want to blind you with my pasty white skin."

"I'd be okay if this was the last sight I saw." Clara turned back around to finish her hair, leaving John standing there, surprised by her candor. 

"You're a very interesting woman, Clara," John finally answered as he walked over to the bed and gathered his clothes before returning to the bathroom.

She put the finishing touches on her hair and make up before she slipped into her dress, but was unable to fully zip it up in the back, so she was going to have to wait for John, who almost on cue, stepped out of the bathroom again. Both of them stared at each other, taking in how the other looked. Clara had been right, John did look amazing in the indigo suit that looked as if it had been tailor made for him. His crisp white shirt was tucked in to reveal a black leather belt and buttoned up almost to the top, clearly forgoing a tie.

"Wow, Clara. You look stunning." John said, taking in her dress and the rest of her appearance. 

"Thanks,"she answered. "Could you zip me up?"

"Absolutely." 

He walked towards her as she turned her back and lifted her hair to give him easier access. He stood behind her, so close that Clara could feel his breath tickle the back of her neck, as he slowly pulled the zipper up. He couldn't help noticing the smoothness of her skin, and all he could think about was changing the direction of the zipper. 

"There’s a clasp at the top, too," Clara spoke.

"Uhm, yeah," he answered, fumbling with the hook.

Once he finished he decided to steal himself a moment and ran his hands down her soft bare arms and leaned over to place a light kiss on her exposed shoulder. He lingered for a moment, taking in her delicious scent of vanilla and coconut, being sure to savour this moment.

Clara shivered, not from being cold, but from the feather light touch of John's hands and lips on her skin. She had never in her entire adult life had a man elicit so much desire from her and the anticipation of things to come was driving her mad.

"God you smell amazing," John said, inches away from her ear. "And this dress is simply breathtaking on you."

Clara was sure her heart had just missed several beats and she suddenly felt very warm. She wanted to give him a witty comeback; say something that would be sure to tell him what she'd rather be doing right now, something like how the dress might look better pooled on the floor, but she decided against it. Instead, she just let her hair fall back into gentle waves and turned to face him.

"Thank you," she smiled. "And I was right about that suit. You look so handsome."

"Thanks," he said and glanced down at himself. "You'd almost think we had planned to match."

"I know. Funny how we chose a similar colour."

"Great minds think alike," he answered, watching Clara slip into a pair of strappy black heels. 

He couldn't take his eyes off her slender legs and started imagining other situations with those legs. He quickly turned, trying to stop his wandering mind, and walked over to the closet to get his own shoes. Once they were both ready, John helped Clara on with her coat and then picked up the key card and his wallet.

"Ready?" He asked as he opened the door for her.

"I am," she smiled.

The pair left and walked to the restaurant that was just down the street and across from the theatre, John holding Clara’s hand the entire time. They had a very lovely meal with some nice conversation about traveling, movies and issues that were happening back home. For the first time that evening both of them had stopped thinking about sex and were able to relax and just simply enjoy the moment. This was exactly the kind of date John wanted to take Clara on and he was so happy they had decided to stay.

They finished dinner and made their way to the theatre where they found their seats in the balcony and discovered from the playbill that the show was a musical about a woman who was trying to push her daughters into a life of vaudeville. It sounded interesting, but both John and Clara were skeptical about what the music might be like. The lights dimmed and Clara felt John take her hand, holding it almost throughout the entire show.

After the final curtain call and when the lights came back on, the pair got up and shuffled their way with the crowd towards the coat check and then the exit.

"What did you think?" John asked as they stepped out onto the street.

"It wasn't bad. Songs were catchy." She answered. "What about you?"

"It was entertaining." He replied. 

"Your tone tells me otherwise."

"Well, to be honest musicals aren't really my thing, but I thought it was enjoyable."

"Okay so no more spontaneous theatre outings," Clara teased. 

"Oh, I don't care what kind of show we see, as long as I'm with you that's all that matters to me," John answered as he took Clara's hand and continued walking down the street. "So what would you like to do now?"

"What time is it?" Clara asked.

"Just after ten. Do you want to find some place to get a drink?" John asked, hoping to prolong the night a little more before they went back to their room.

"That sounds nice," Clara answered. "But some place quiet."

They continued down the street, looking for a bar, but it seemed that a lot of the theatre crowd had the same idea and a lot of places were packed. 

"Maybe the hotel bar won't be busy," John suggested.

“It’s worth a shot,” Clara answered.

They walked in the direction of their hotel and were happy to see that the bar wasn’t busy at all when they got there. John spotted an empty booth towards the back and thought it would give them some privacy to enjoy a glass of wine and get to know each other more on this new intimate level. They slid in, sitting opposite one another and it wasn’t long before the waiter came over and took their order, leaving them alone once again and giving John the opportunity to reach across and take Clara’s hand in his.

"I'm so glad I took this risk in coming here," John said.

"Me too because I honestly don't think I would have said anything."

"No?"

"I don't know. I really didn't know how you would feel about dating me and I didn't want to ruin the friendship we were building."

"Well hopefully we can continue to build something even stronger." 

“I think we’re off to a pretty good start. This has been a really fun day, despite the play tonight.”

“It has. I can’t remember the last time I did something so spontaneous, well other than coming here on this trip. Must be something about you that just makes me want to throw caution to the wind, I guess,” John answered as he let go of Clara’s hand to sit back as the waiter returned with their drinks.

"To the start of something wonderful," John said as he raised his glass and Clara did the same.

"Something wonderful indeed," she responded as they clinked glasses and each took a sip.

"So tell me, when did you start having these feelings?" John asked, reaching across the table and taking Clara’s hand again.

"After we spent the day together during your first trip here," she answered, blushing. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, it was more like a crush because I didn't want to allow myself to feel more, but then the more we talked and spent time together, the stronger my feelings got."

"I'm honestly very surprised because I just don't know what someone so young and beautiful would see in someone like me."

"Well once I got past my original impression of you," she gave him a sly grin. "It was easy to see that you're a kind and caring man." She smiled at him. "And not to mention you're sexy as hell."

"Thanks," John replied bashfully. "But hardly."

"You may not see yourself that way, but believe me, I do."

"Well lucky for me."

"Lucky indeed," she replied. "But what about you? When did you start having feelings?"

"I think it was just after the concert. I had so much fun with you that day and night that when I left you I realized I was going to miss you."

"Awww that's sweet," Clara smiled at him. "I think that day was a turning point for us both."

"I think so too," John replied. "So was it difficult to get this time off work?"

"Not really," she answered. "My manager is really nice and very understanding. She's always said she doesn't really care when we work, just as long as we meet our deadlines."

"That's good. I'm much the same with my employees. I find there's more productivity if you treat people as people and understand that there needs to be a work life balance."

"That's nice to hear from a business owner. I worked for some real assholes while I was in uni, who only cared about making a profit."

"Well, it's finding that balance of caring about both. In the beginning I worked really hard and what felt like all the time, but I never expected anyone to work as much as I did."

"Do you have any regrets about starting your own business?" Clara asked.

"Not really. It was what I wanted and despite how hard and challenging it was, it was all worth it. But I'm one of the lucky ones because I've met a lot of people who've sacrificed their family life in order to reach the top. I didn’t have to do that, thanks to River being so supportive. She really helped me find the balance I needed." John realized he just brought River up on their date and he really didn't want to do that. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"For what?' Clara looked at him confused.

"I didn't mean to bring up River," John answered looking down at the table.

"You don't need to apologise for that, John. I understand she was a part of your life and that you won't be able to talk about your past without mentioning her. I want to get to know you, all of you and that includes the life you shared with her."

"You're a remarkable woman, Clara."

"Hardly, I just don't want you to ever feel bad for talking about River, okay?"

"Okay," he smiled at her. "But I do truly think you're an amazing woman."

"I don't know what I've done that's so incredible."

"You've given me a renewed view on life and I'm feeling things I never thought I'd feel again."

"Yeah? And what sort of things are you feeling?" She asked.

"Happy, excited, alive. All things I didn't actually know I was missing until you came along."

"I'm glad because you make me feel those things as well." 

They locked eyes as they each took a drink of their wine.

"You remember the night I saw you at the Library Bar?" Clara asked.

"Of course," John replied.

"I went there in hopes of running into you," she confessed. "I was going to go home after work, but when Michelle suggested going there, I agreed only because I thought I might see you again. That's the feeling I didn't know I missed until that night. That excitement of seeing someone you like unexpectedly."

"That is a pretty great feeling."

"You know what else feels pretty good?" She asked, with a hint of sultriness. 

"What?" John asked, sensing her tone and wondering where she was going with this.

"Cuddling on a couch with a glass of wine in front of a fireplace." She bit her bottom lip, hoping John caught on to what she was saying, but had sensed his hesitation about going back to their room.

"Well, I think that can be arranged," John answered. "Why don't we finish up here and get a bottle sent up to the room. After all, it would be a shame if we let that fireplace go to waste.”

“It would,” Clara agreed, surprised that John went along with the idea and now she couldn't help but wonder just how far things might go once they got behind closed doors.


End file.
